Monday, August 30, 2010

Failure To Reduce Speed May Result In Dinosaurs

The complete half-crowdsourced d100 table of Things That Happen If You Fail Your Handling Check while driving across the mutated wasteland.

I'll be test-driving it tonight, probably in combination with this mechanic. Thanks to everybody who helped out...

("dex or d4" means make a dex or pp roll to avoid taking d4 damage. Seat belts prevent this unless otherwise noted. )

(flip a coin or something to see if you go left or right, when/if applicable.)

1-skid 40 feet, stall.
2-skid, spin 180, stay in same lane.
3-flip over once. You're upside down. dex or d4.
4-flip over twice. You're right side up but not moving. car needs work. dex or d6.
5-spin off the road. still rolling,
6-spin off the road and hit mutant plant which releases spores. con roll or gain a random mutation.
7-spin off the road and hit something hard dex or d8.
8-hit other vehicle--just a tap. 10 sdc to both. If there's no other vehicle, you scratch a sign, guard rail, etc.
9-hit other vehicle--hard. handling checks at -2/10% for both drivers. d8x10 damage to both vehicles.
10-hit other vehicle--medium. handling check for both drivers at -2/10%.
11-hit other vehicle--catastrophic. roll again on this table for both cars twice, each car takes d10x10 damage.
12-pop a side wheelie for a mile and come down smooth. successful charisma check means you manage to convince everyone in the vehicle it was on purpose.
13-minor engine explosion. those within 10 feet of engine take d6 damage. there goes your engine.
14-fwip fwip fwip! one random tire gone. handling check once per round if you go over 35 mph.
15-lost a hubcap. c'est la vie.
16-k-chunk! bad bump, something's hitting the wheel and making bad scary noise. no immediate obvious effect but the longer you ride this, the worse it'll be (GM's discretion).
17-pop a side wheelie and come down hard. roll again.
18-catch some air, come down. make another handling check.
19-due to some combination of geography and speed, you catch some serious air. handling check at -3, but if you make it, you are +1 on all initiative rolls for the rest of the day because you're so buzzed
20-fly 60 feet through the air, come down hard. your car is dead. dex or d10 sdc to everybody inside.
21-flip over and spin. dex or d12 to everybody inside.
22-whoaaaaa. wiggly. dex or d4 to everybody inside.
23-pothole or something. transmission wrenched. speed halved.
24-slide into other vehicle but, hey, look at that, they take 20 sdc and have to make a handling check and you're fine.
25-lost your muffler.
26-chugk. rattlerattle. ting! something stuck somewhere in your vehicle fell out and now it runs better! +1 to all handling checks from now on.
27-gas tank leak. lose 5 gallons per mile.
28-thunkg, wrenchhhh, ching! lose random window.
29-same, but lose back window
30-same, but lose front windshield
31-swerve, slam into your horn. now it won't stop. -2 to everyone on everything until they get used to it (takes 5 minutes).
32-lost a headlight.
33-lost both headlights.
34-lost a side mirror. -3/15% to handling checks when you'd want a side mirror.
35-trunk flies open. 50-5o chance anything in there falls out. roll once per item.
36-part of your vehicle is on fire now. you're not sure which part.
37-radio comes on spontaneously, it's your favorite song. if the vehicle has no radio, you suddenly discover that it does. rock! Now if it's the post-apocalypse, where the fuck did that radio station come from?
38-weird swerve. anybody in the back seat roll dex or d6.
39-skid. whirr, k-chuggg-kk! everybody inside dex or d6. car takes 50 sdc. it's ok. it's ok.
40-big fucking crash into nearby large and unmoving object. car is totalled. everybody dex or d20. dex or d12 if you're wearing a seatbelt.
41-fly into the air--you're about to flip but your car is held in a mysterious null-inertia field. you just hang there. what the fuck?
42-oh, that didn't sound good. vehicle takes 100 sdc.
43-whoa, whoa, whoa! crissssh! all handling checks are at -2/-10% now.
44-as above, except -4, -30%
45-roll twice
46-roll three times
47-vrooom, screech, skraaaaaape, wobblewobble. everybody roll con or PE to avoid vomiting.
48-mutant animal suddenly appears in the road. 1-2 small 3-4 medium but fast 5-6 large with chameleon-lke abilities (GM's choice of what exact animal)--Do you try to avoid hitting it? If so, roll again on this table. if not, well, ask your GM.)
49-brake immediately and everybody takes dex or d4 or roll three times. You decide.
50-move one lane to the right or left to avoid losing control.

51. large mutant bug hits windshield. no effect if it's not on drivers' side (50-50) but effete aristocrat in next town may offer to buy it as an example of "found art" for 3 cans of gasoline/diesel fuel.

52. lose a wheel. skid a number of feet = to your mph and stop.

53. Pit trap! The vehicle crashes with a note of finality into a specially dug trap for vehicles. May or may not be an ambush waiting, perhaps the trap was from long ago and was abandoned, or perhaps it's time to fight off a horde of mutant lizards who want to eat your skin. Vehicle is going to take some time to dig out unless you know anything about engineering/have some help.

54. loud screeching of metal on metal from transmission. 1-2, attracts large land predator, 5-6, a larger flying predator.

55. You bump a small object and get back on track, minor damage to the car, rattled for 5min.

55. A pedestrian appears in the middle of the road. If swerving to avoid collision, re-roll. If not, roll on this table:
1: Pedestrian is an extra-terrestrial super-being, which constitutes an immovable object. car is totalled. everybody dex or d20. dex or d12 if you're wearing a seatbelt.
2: Pedestrian is a time-displaced, long-lost friend or relative of PC in car.
3: Pedestrian was a dummy filled with explosives. Car is now airborne, and flipping forwards clockwise. 50% chance of landing wheels first.
4: Pedestrian was just a pedestrian and is now mangled beyond belief, but still somehow miraculously hanging onto car.

56. drive off the road into minefield.

1-anti-logic mines
2-radiation mines
3-gas mine

57. Steering wheel comes off and the brakes no longer works. Vehicle continues in same direction.

58. The vehicle transforms! A bump in the road has awaken its sentient core.

59. There's something on the wing (mirror).

60. Fender dragging.
61. Brakes gone.

62. Gas pedal stuck.

62. Large paper blows onto windshield.

Odd, obscures view. Even, does not.

Paper is:

1 old newspaper 'leisure' section
2 wanted poster with pc's face and name on it
3 blueprints to a large underground installation
4 map of local area
5 map of someplace else
6 wanted poster with npc's face and name on it

63. A bump opens a hitherto-hidden compartment containing a random (or GM's choice) item.

64. Bump, spin 360. You're fine but lose a turn against any pursuers and have to start again from 0.

65. You're bumper-to bumper pushing or being pushed by other vehicle. Roll another handling check.

66. Bats and huge manta rays fly out of the sky. Or did you just hit your head?

67. The pair of fuzzy dice hanging from rear-view mirror are sentient, and berate the driver for being inattentive and reckless with the vehicle.

68. Lose a door.
69. Hit something, dent in part of car.
70. Rattle. PE roll or disoriented.

71. Spring pokes through seat and up into driver's backside.

1 on 1d10 chance of contracting tetanus, unless wearing armour.

Swerve to the right (odd), or left (even).

72. Ominous squeaking noise increasing in volume from left rear side. 1d4 miles later throw left rear wheel. Crawl to halt in d4 rounds and watch the wheel roll past you.

73. Ominous squeaking noise increasing in volume from left rear side. No cause can be discovered, and even the best mechanic will be unable to replicate the problem.

74. Hit a crazy stupid cult leader suddenly appearing in the middle of the road. Vehicle takes d10 sdc, everyone in vehicle gets 3d10 crazed culty enemies (1 in 1d4, it's a suicide cult, so they're allies, but they want you to join...)

75. Vehicle suddenly jumps 10 feet in the air. Roll d6:
1-3 Vehicle comes down hard, medium handling check to stay in control.
4-5 Vehicle flips on to it's side and skids to a stop. Everybody dex or d6.
6 Vehicle flips upside down. Everybody dex or d20. dex or d12 if you're wearing a seatbelt.
If PCs investigate, 15ft sinkhole in the road contains giant mutant worm creature (think Tremors) that has dashed it's head against vehicle undercarriage. d3 other creatures nearby are drawn to vibrations and will arrive in d4+2 mins each. Good luck!

76. Light reflecting off of the Saint Christopher medallion dangling from the rear-view mirror temporarily blinds you for 2-4 turns.

77. You leave your right turn signal on, drawing the ire of your passengers and 2-4 vehicles immediately behind you.

78.Random light stuck on.
79. air conditioner stuck on.
80. ac stuck off.
81. interior light broken.
82. interior light stuck on.

83. A school of jellyfish splatter across the windshield, sticking to it for 1d4 turns.

Using windshield wipers only smears them worse than before (add an additional 2 turns).

Touching the tentacles with bare skin results in a painful swelling and blistering (1d4 damage), but enables a clarity of mind and dexterity that gives +15% to handling checks for 1d6 turns.

84. dash lighter malfunctions. small fire in front seat.

85. distracting hitchhiker at the side of road (d10 x 3)

Hitchhiker is:

1-3 male, 4-6 female, 7-10 indeterminate.


1 only boots and goggles
2 sunglasses and a muu-muu
3 orange coveralls
4 a badly stuffed Santa suit
5 a patent leather catsuit
6 a massive smile
7 uniform from a defunct law enforcement agency
8 novelty t-shirt and parachute pants
9 a parka, scarf, toque and mittens
10 an elaborate, feathered headdress


1 nothing
2 a toolbox
3 a towel
4 a parasol and large wicker basket
5 a backpack
6 a tire iron
7 a leash with a small dog-headed child attached
8 a large rifle
9 a bottle of alcohol
10 a large block of cheese

86. You see a signpost with directions for a destination towards which you think want to go, but pointing in a direction different from the one you have been heading. Slow down and lose 10-30 minutes trying to figure out which way is correct.

87. Large bump deploys a drag-chute and slows vehicle by 40mph, until chute is cut away.

88. Lid of cup in cup holder comes off, splashing a foul smelling liquid onto a pine scented air-freshener, causing it to grow immediately into a mature pine tree which smashes up through the windshield, to a height of 30'.

89. As 37, radio turns on. Broadcasts (d6):
1-2. Static
3. Signal from a settlement, inviting survivors to come for aid and shelter.
4. Automated signal from a pre-collapse government installation.
5. An odd low bass thrumming, which is barely audible, but can be felt in your guts.
6. Nyarlathotep.

90. skid, sideways triple pinwheel through the air. successful handling check at -4/-20% and you're fine and everyone thinks you're awesome, otherwise everyone takes dex or d20 and car crawls along at 10% speed.

91. Something is burning in or on the engine. roll 1d4.
1. roadkill. ME checks or vomit.
2. chemicals. PE checks or -2 to all rolls for next day.
3. smoke. Blind until you make 3 successful PP checks to waft smoke, open windows, etc.
4. horror. Increasing smell of meat, but harmless. If investigated, there are four hands (roll on species table) nailed to engine block.

92. An unlabeled button on dashboard lights up and starts rapidly flashing.

If pressed:

1 nothing happens
2 the button flashes faster
3 an electrical charge shocks you
4 you are mentally linked with an onboard computer that lets you know the status of many of the vehicle's systems as well as it's overdue maintenance schedule for the last seven years. It also hints at its previous life as a control system of part of an orbital navigation satellite network.

93. "Did you see that?" Something unsettling in the sky-- a time rift! You are distracted & roll to a stop. Roll d4.

1. Mutation surge: primal. Gain 1d6 Bio-E, but decrease IQ by 10. This lasts until player is unconscious through battle or sleep.
2. Gary Morbriar! A mutant fox in a white suit of armor (a space suit) lies in a crater in the road.
3. Dinosaurs. Replace next random encounter in the region with a dinosaur encounter-- they've entered the food chain. All further random creatures in area have a 50% chance of being dinosaurs.
4. UFO. A party of 1d4 mutant humans, resembling grey aliens, takes an unhealthy, abductory interest in the party.

94. A red light comes on in the centre of the dash board, and a robotic voice starts calling for "Michael".

95. You hear and feel what sounds like a large projectile being fired nearby. (d4)

1 nothing happens
2 fireworks explode above you
3 it is your vehicle back-firing, and it continues to do so 1d4 times.
4 it is a large projectile being fired! Roll on table to see where on vehicle is hit and what damage has been done.

96. Vehicle crashes and explodes in a suitably dramatic 80's action movie fashion, flinging the occupants to relative safety. About a mile further on, the survivors discover a complete working replica of their now-destroyed vehicle, occupied by what looks like their own skeletons.

97. A jarring bump, everything seems fine until someone realizes with horror: The Cigarette Lighter Is Gone !

98. A jarring bump, everything seems fine until someone realizes with horror: Where did that person in the back seat come from?!? (d6)

1 harmless hitchhiker
2 thieving hitchhiker
3 sociopathic hitchhiker
4 it's just me, Chatty Squirrel
5 quantum time-traveler trying to set this timestream 'back on the right path'
6 Grandma Sally, 1 in 4 that she died in her sleep hours ago and nobody noticed

99. A dashboard display flashes the following message:

1 No signal found.
2 Battery strength at 23%
3 Man is something that shall be overcome. What have you done to overcome him? (Or another random Nietzsche maxim...)
4 Insufficient memory to perform back-up.
5 Battery strength at 42%
6 Sample DNA not recognized by sequencer. Please insert new sample and restart thermocycler.
7 Passenger seatbelt is unfastened. (Irregardless of whether this fact is true or not.)
8 In the event of a landing at sea, your seat cushions can be utilized as a flotation device.
9 Flux Capacitor Failed - Eject Flux Capacitor, Flux Capacitor Failed - Eject Flux Capacitor repeated over and over. (There is no button labeled 'Flux Capacitor'.)
10 Engine temperature has reached maximum operating parameters. Engine shutdown in 5, 4, 3... (Engine shuts down and vehicle will coast to a stop and remain that way for at least 30 minutes.)

100. Buzz rumblestrip, disturbing a enormous colony of miniature mutant grouse. The colony takes to the air obstructing sight. All drivers in the area check perception (M.E.) or roll again d4 times.


thekelvingreen said...

The first lines of 89 and 91 are missing for some reason.

Please do let us know how this turns out. These tables are always fun to put together and read, but I don't often get to use them in play.

mordicai said...

Oh yeah, I did put in dinosaurs. & Gary Morbriar! Gary Morbriar is the best thing about Transdimensional TMNT.

mordicai said...

I also meant to say 1d6x10 Bio-E on the "Mutation Surge." I dunno what you could do with 1d6 Bio-E.

Anyhow, uh...crowdsourced random tables are....awesome.

The springs in the seat giving people tetanus are my favorite, followed by creepy radio signals.

Rabid said...

The fuzzy mirror dice berating poor driving tickled my fancy!

biopunk said...

I am partial to the bugsplat/art dealer and the hitherto-hidden compartment, myself.


Delete #86 and you're good to roll!

Anonymous said...

You have just a little bit of time to submit this beauty to the random table contest at Topless Robot!!!