Friday, September 22, 2023

Why Everybody's "Deeply Magical" But Humans

Elves have magic--they're so magic that there's boots just called "Boots of Elvenkind" and they're magic just because they're elvenkind. 
Halflings can't be seen half the time, even when they're right there, and they just stumble ass-backwards into the best artifacts in the game. Dwarfs are out here mining mithril and making armor and axes that're double-strong just because dwarfs made them. And gnomes are always talking to badgers or whoever.

But humans are just these guys. If you found a "Axe of the Human Lords" what would that even do?

A great mystery--but I just now figured out why.

This table:

The demihumans all have level limits.

So, ok picture this:

You're elves, ok? Just won a fight:

Here comes the human general:

"Hail to thee, brave captain of the elderkin! Were it not for thee and thine veterans of aeon wars untold we mayhap would not hast defeated Sauron!"

"Not a problem, bro! He sucked, It was an issue, had to be handled."

"Yeah fair! Cool, so I talked to the DM and he says we get 9 billion seven hundred and sixty-eight thousand xp for defeating the horde of unfathomable darkness bent on wending all life and time round the iron gauntlet of its iniquitous will. So it looks like your share is...."

"Nah keep it."

"Whoa what? Are you peacing out on the campaign? Tolkien says next week he's got a one-shot with halflings!"

"Nah just we're all 7th level dude. We can't level up. And I checked with our wizards--they're all maxed out at 11, too."

"Truly the songs were modest when it cometh to praising the generosity of the eldár!"

"Nah its cool man, is it cool if we take the items?"

"Like the magic items?"


"Cool! See you next week!"

Why are all the other races but us so magical?

After a certain point, every time they go adventuring, they get all the items. That's why Galadriel's over here just giving campaign-saving items away because she's got extra.


remial said...

so humans aren't magical because we have no level cap, and just keep getting better?

Zak Sabbath said...


In this universe? When the path of least resistance is open, few choose the narrow and tricky path.

maasenstodt said...

What do you make of the fact that all demi-humans save Half-Orcs can advance indefinitely as Thieves (and that Half-Orcs can max out as Assassins), either as a singular class or as part of a multi-class?

Zak Sabbath said...


That's why the only time we talk about demihumans in modern life is when you lose a sock and your grandma says the elves took it.

maasenstodt said...

Ha! That's pretty funny.

I do genuinely wonder what Gygax was thinking when making that design decision. I may need to do some research...

Zak Sabbath said...


You were asked a question and didn't answer.

Your comment's erased.