Sunday, June 26, 2011

Random Intercepted Inter-NPC Communique


1 the vigorous soldier and noble friend,
2 my beloved and devoted
3 the festering carcass known to men as
4 your esteemed eminence,
5 my most clever and unfortunate friend,
6 my first and prodigal child,

1 Igra Belbent, Ninth of Hogg,
2 Melgiot Von Cluster
3 Vornelia Thrakk
4 Bishop Knackling Severr
5 Lord Vortullak of Spine
6 Grogan of Roth

I send greetings from

1 Frothingforth gaol
2 far behind enemy lines
3 the tower you once called home
4 a land both distant and dismal
5 both myself and from your hilarious mother
6 the Bleak City

This past season has been

1 dense with the breeding of unexpected events
2 intolerably humid
3 suspiciously merciful
4 , no doubt, a black joke perpetrated on this family by the omnipotent author of all things

I trust that the news of recent events here has reached you, and I likewise trust you received the

1 cheeses
2 unobtrusive young gentleman
3 map
4 unusual device
5 cream
6 instructions
7 claw
8 needle

I sent earlier, for otherwise you would be entirely unable to read the words I now set down. Though I am indeed made weary by the strain of maintaining this deception, I see the necessity in it, as, I am certain, do you.

1 Seek the counsel of
2 You must destroy
3 Be sure to avoid
4 Be sure to consult
5 It is vital that you investigate
6 Do not speak to

1 the oracle of Cloven Wheel.
2 the four lunatics in Orgus Waarg.
3 Lord Veel and his Grey Army.
4 the Blind Mirror.
5 Mobulus Fantom, the Thrusting Orc.
6 anyone who might possess any knowledge concerning your current condition.
7 the humans.
8 the assassin.

To do otherwise is to risk what little you have left.
Your most humble servant

1 Bogglewheel Von Stock
2 Spinrad of Neethes
3 Fatwa, First of Spindle
4 Baron Plosive of Spack
5 H.
6 Natasha


1 Another map is enclosed--verso.
2 I have sent three copies of this missive via three separate routes in the event that some misfortune should befall the messenger.
3 Veska is a spy.
4 I hope the biscuits I've enclosed live up to their local reputation.
5 No more drawings, your aunt caught a glimpse of the last one and almost went into convulsions.
6 It's in the third drawer down behind the knife.
7 I have it on good authority that the Count suspects nothing.
8 The code is: 8-7-4-8.
9 Before this is over, I will have what's rightfully mine, no matter what you've been told.
10 I'm told Carnifex has apparently been asking for me. I want to assume you didn't set me up, but I wouldn't put it past you.
11 Othros incara ex'na glarr een amnata (spell activates when read).
12 They are invulnerable to flame, but a knife hewn from ice formed on a moonless night is their bane.


  1. This is a great idea. I'm definitely keeping this for future use; thanks Zak!

  2. Nice. Put one of those in a dead man's hand and you've got the great start of an adventure.

  3. I thought this would fit in the random pickpocketing table in Vornheim, but I just looked and there isn't one, which is weird as I'm sure there was the last time I looked.

    Anyway, it would fit in nicely on that table -- if it existed -- and I think I will be substituting "Roll on the Random Intercepted Inter-NPC Communique table" for one of the entries on "I Search the Body".

    Maybe I was going to use "I Search the Body" for pickpocketing too, and that's what I was thinking of.

  4. Nice. This one I can see using. If only, as Jeff suggested, to inspire ideas as an adventure starter.

  5. You should publish a book that's just random tables all the way through. It doesn't really even need a theme beyond the basic genre of D&D-esque fantasy. I would buy the shit out of such a book.

  6. I like the "MAD-LIBS" approach to this. I had an idea something like this for my Sherlock Holmes inspired game, where there would be multiple tables to set up the client, mystery, and potential witnesses and suspects.

  7. This can be a whole campaign. I tell you though as much as I like this, and I do like this, I really think a similar construct would be brilliant for something like Shadowrun or Gigacrawler or something where the technology level suggests or necessitates a lot of electronic or instantly transferred communiques...This way a GM can cobble together a lot of these really quickly, every time the PCs hack crack or intercept something.

  8. Of course, you shouldn't be able to read the letter unless you have the cheeses/unobtrusive young gentleman/map/etc.

    Makes you wonder why the PCs can read it.