Random Intercepted Inter-NPC Communique

To…

1 the vigorous soldier and noble friend,
2 my beloved and devoted
3 the festering carcass known to men as
4 your esteemed eminence,
5 my most clever and unfortunate friend,
6 my first and prodigal child,

1 Igra Belbent, Ninth of Hogg,
2 Melgiot Von Cluster
3 Vornelia Thrakk
4 Bishop Knackling Severr
5 Lord Vortullak of Spine
6 Grogan of Roth

I send greetings from

1 Frothingforth gaol
2 far behind enemy lines
3 the tower you once called home
4 a land both distant and dismal
5 both myself and from your hilarious mother
6 the Bleak City

This past season has been

1 dense with the breeding of unexpected events
2 intolerably humid
3 suspiciously merciful
4 , no doubt, a black joke perpetrated on this family by the omnipotent author of all things

I trust that the news of recent events here has reached you, and I likewise trust you received the

1 cheeses
2 unobtrusive young gentleman
3 map
4 unusual device
5 cream
6 instructions
7 claw
8 needle

I sent earlier, for otherwise you would be entirely unable to read the words I now set down. Though I am indeed made weary by the strain of maintaining this deception, I see the necessity in it, as, I am certain, do you.

1 Seek the counsel of
2 You must destroy
3 Be sure to avoid
4 Be sure to consult
5 It is vital that you investigate
6 Do not speak to

1 the oracle of Cloven Wheel.
2 the four lunatics in Orgus Waarg.
3 Lord Veel and his Grey Army.
4 the Blind Mirror.
5 Mobulus Fantom, the Thrusting Orc.
6 anyone who might possess any knowledge concerning your current condition.
7 the humans.
8 the assassin.

To do otherwise is to risk what little you have left. Your most humble servant

1 Bogglewheel Von Stock
2 Spinrad of Neethes
3 Fatwa, First of Spindle
4 Baron Plosive of Spack
5 H.
6 Natasha

P.S.

1 Another map is enclosed--verso.
2 I have sent three copies of this missive via three separate routes in the event that some misfortune should befall the messenger.
3 Veska is a spy.
4 I hope the biscuits I've enclosed live up to their local reputation.
5 No more drawings, your aunt caught a glimpse of the last one and almost went into convulsions.
6 It's in the third drawer down behind the knife.
7 I have it on good authority that the Count suspects nothing.
8 The code is: 8-7-4-8.
9 Before this is over, I will have what's rightfully mine, no matter what you've been told.
10 I'm told Carnifex has apparently been asking for me. I want to assume you didn't set me up, but I wouldn't put it past you.
11 Othros incara ex'na glarr een amnata (spell activates when read).
12 They are invulnerable to flame, but a knife hewn from ice formed on a moonless night is their bane.