Library of Generic Comments

Ever get tired of typing the same old thing again, even though you typed it last week and the week before?

As you know, we here at D&DWPS are dedicated to saving all of you busy game masters time. So instead of wasting those long hours you could be using to work on your Random Bullette-Sniffing Table or preparing the PDF version of Asymptote of Infinite Slaughter for print slapping buttons on your machine in an attempt to imitate articulate thought, you may now simply refer back to this page and write "GENERIC COMMENT 16" or whatever next time you are enraged by The Internet.

(this material stolen from-, written by-, initiated by-, and made possible by- a bunch of people on Google +)

HERE ARE PICTURES AND WORDS - Comment - Hang out - Share

1. ADULATION AND/OR RAGE Yesterday 7:55 AM

2. NON SEQUITUR, VERNACULAR ENGLISH Yesterday 7:56 AM

3. NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY OR POSTED I WILL RESPOND THE SAME AND ACT LIKE TL;DR; ABOUT A FEW HUNDRED WORDS IS A VALID OPTION BEFORE COMMUNICATING Yesterday 7:58 AM

4. LENGTHY, RAMBLING COMMENT OSTENSIBLY ABOUT YOUR POST BUT ACTUALLY ABOUT ME AND HOW AWESOME I AM/MY OPINION IS/MY BLOG IS. Yesterday 8:02 AM

5. NOT GETTING THE JOKE. Yesterday 8:06 AM

6. THING ABOUT HOW WELL WHAT You SAID WAS OKAY BUT WHat SOmmmEPEOPle (UNNAMED) YOU HANG WITH SAY ON THIS ISSUE IS REGRESSIVE AND ATAVISTIC AND THAT'S WHY I CAN BARELY STAND IT AROUND HERE Yesterday 8:06 AM (edited) -

7. QUASI-RELEVANT STAR TREK REFERENCE

Yesterday 8:09 AM +1

8. HAWKWIND REFERENCE, EXPLAINS JOKE TO TWO PREVIOUS POSTER

Yesterday 8:10 AM - +2

9. DISAGREEMENT BASED ON CLOSED MINDEDNESS

Yesterday 9:24 AM

10. (a) ACCUSATION OF SOME MANNER OF -ISM! (b)AD HOMINEM ATTACK THAT NEGATES ANY ACTUAL POINT I MAY HAVE HAD.

Yesterday 9:27 AM +1

11. IRRELEVANT ANECDOTE and/or INTERNET MEME

Yesterday 9:29 AM (edited)

12. ARGUMENTATIVE CONTRADICTION

Yesterday 9:29 AM

13. RESPONSE TO ORIGINAL POST INDICATING I DIDN'T READ THE COMMENTS (W/REFERENCE TO COMMENTER'S WIFE)

Yesterday 9:29 AM

14. RELIGIOUS OFFENSE

Yesterday 9:35 AM +1

15. LOOK AT THIS CAT.

Yesterday 9:36 AM +2

16. JOKING STATEMENT ABOUT ORIGINAL POST UNDERMINING LEGITIMATE COSPLAY Yesterday 9:37 AM +3

17. POSTING ABOUT SOMETHING COMPLETELY UNRELATED TO THIS THREAD Yesterday 9:39 AM

18. DID YOU READ HUGE RUINED SCOTT'S POST ABOUT THE TOPIC CURRENTLY UNDER DISCUSSION? MAN! Yesterday 9:40 AM - +3

19. PRAISE FOR SOMETHING ZAK/JRIENTS SAID

=P Yesterday 9:41 AM +1

20. POSTING LATE TO PARTY, RE-TREAD POINTS ALREADY COVERED. DIDN'T READ PREVIOUS POSTS. Yesterday 9:42 AM +1

21. POST IN RESPONSE TO PREVIOUS POST THAT STARTS THE ARGUMENT ALL OVER AGAIN Yesterday 9:44 AM

22. ADULATION AND/OR RAGE Yesterday 9:45 AM +2

23. BLOG POST TO EXPLAIN WHAT I DISAGREE WITH IN THIS THREAD.

http://betweengoodandawful.blogspot.com/2012/02/blog-post-to-counter-things-i-disagree.html Yesterday 9:47 AM +3

24. LINK TO A FORUM THREAD CURRENTLY DISCUSSING THE TOPIC AT HAND IN A WAY I FIND RIDICULOUS AND/OR SAD Yesterday 9:48 AM

25. WELTSCHMERZ-DRENCHED HEAD-SHAKING POST ABOUT HOW THOSE POOR BENIGHTED SODS ON THAT FORUM STILL HAVE NOT GOT THE MEMO Yesterday 10:06 AM (edited) -

26. RIDICULOUS COMPARISON OF TOPIC OF DISCUSSION TO ACTUAL TRAGEDY/SERIOUS SOCIAL ISSUE/CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY and/or INVOCATION OF GODWIN'S LAW. Yesterday 9:50 AM +1

27. ASSERTION THAT I HAVE NOT DONE THE THING DISCUSSED AND THEREFORE NO ONE HAS AND IT IS IMPOSSIBLE Yesterday 9:50 AM

28. ASSERTION THAT I HAVE DONE THING DISCUSSED AND HAVE SINCE 1974. Yesterday 9:52 AM (edited)

29. ASSERTION THAT YOU ARE REVISIONIST AND ELITIST AND DON'T WANT MY FRIEND/SPOUSE/GRANDMOTHER TO BE INVOLVED IN THE HOBBY Yesterday 9:52 AM +4

30. BRIEF BOLD SMUG SMIRKING ASSERTION OF MY POSITION AS NORMATIVE FOLLOWED BY LAUGHY EMOTICON Yesterday 9:53 AM - +1

31. DECLARATION OF MY QUITTING THE 'OSR' AND ALSO WHY BOTHER Yesterday 9:55 AM

32. PERSON WHO MADE MOST OVER-REACHY STATEMENT AND WAS CALLED ON IT NOW ASSERTS MOM IS CALLING/THEY ARE MOM IN QUESTION AND SAYS THEY HAVE TO GO DO ACTIVITIES THUS HOPEFULLY IMPLYING PEOPLE QUESTIONING SAID STATEMENT ARE ONLY DOING SO BECAUSE THEY ARE OUT OF TOUCH WITH CONCERNS OF NORMATIVE HUMAN MEATWORLD Yesterday 10:00 AM -

33. IF THAT MAKES ME A (gaming niche group) THEN OH WELL Yesterday 10:00 AM

34. WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN Yesterday 10:02 AM

35. ACCUSATION THAT PREVIOUS POSTER IS SECRETLY ATTACKING (same gaming niche group) EVEN THOUGH HE IS NOT. OUTRAGE OVER THE FACT THAT HE CLAIMS IT DILUTES (game x) Yesterday 10:02 AM

36. FEELINGS HURT OVER ACCUSATIONS, BLOG DELETED IN RAGE. ONLY TO REAPPEAR LATER WITH APOLOGIES TO ALL INVOLVED. Yesterday 10:03 AM +2

37. RANDOM SEXUAL INNUENDO FOLLOWED BY WINKY EMOTICON Yesterday 10:05 AM

38. JOKINGLY GENERIC COMMENT IN ALL CAPS Yesterday 10:05 AM +1

39. IGNORES PREVIOUS POSTER TO FLIRT WITH TWO PRECIOUS POSTER Yesterday 10:10 AM +3

40. LINK TO WEIRD YOUTUBE VIDEO :EMOTICON-D Yesterday 10:11 AM

41. CHEERIO PIP PIP GUMDROPS BELLYDROP RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE Yesterday 10:11 AM

42. ALL JOKING ASIDE VERY LONG LIBERAL "YOU'RE BOTH RIGHT" POST THAT CONTAINS D4 LOGICAL FALLACIES BUT GETS +3 ANYWAY Yesterday 10:13 AM - +3

43. VEHEMENT DISAGREEMENT WITH "RABBLE RABBLE" COMMENT REGARDING HOW ILL INFORMED PEOPLE FROM ACROSS THE POND ARE. Yesterday 10:13 AM +1

44. ALSO, STOP RUINING MY LANGUAGE, SPEAK MURIKAN DAMMIT Yesterday 10:13 AM +1

45. POINTLESS AFFIRMATION OF LIBERAL POST WITHOUT ACTUALLY +1ING IT. Yesterday 10:15 AM +1

46. POOR READING SKILLS LEAD ME TO AGREE, YES, BOTH ARE RIGHT Yesterday 10:15 AM

47. ^ THIS. Yesterday 10:16 AM +2

48. FATMAN ASSERTS Y'ALL NEED TO RELAX Yesterday 10:16 AM

49. ANNOYED IGNORING OF ENTIRE THREAD, STARTS IRONIC METATHREAD TO MOCK THE TROPES OF THE ARGUMENT ELSEWHERE Yesterday 10:16 AM +2

50. (a) ASSERTION THAT METATHREAD TRIVIALIZES ISSUE, (b) DEMAND THAT METATHREADER STOP TRYING TO SILENCE "US" (SET VAGUELY/OBVIOUSLY-INCORRECTLY DEFINED) Yesterday 10:18 AM

51. RESORTS TO "OH YEAH LIKE GAMING IS SRS BIZNESS" ARGUMENT, SUBTLY MANIFESTING HOBBY'S INHERENT SELF-LOATHING Yesterday 10:22 AM

52. EXTREMELY ANGRY COMMENT BUT MY AVATAR IS A SMILEY WHITE BABY I HAD Yesterday 10:23 AM - +3

53. OUTRAGE BASED ON MISUNDERSTANDING SEVERAL PREVIOUS POSTS WERE SARCASTIC CAUSED BY THE LACK OF VOCAL AND NON-VERBAL CUES ON THE INTERNET. Yesterday 10:24 AM

54. CITES DAVE ARNESON PRODUCT OR ANIME THAT DID THIS THING DECADES AGO, MAKES OP SAD. Yesterday 10:25 AM

55. REMINDS YOU ALL OF YOUR OBLIGATION TO HOW I AM RAISING MY CHILDREN Yesterday 10:26 AM +1

56. ADD COMMENT REDUNDANT TO PREVIOUS COMMENTS INDICATING NOT HAVING BOTHERED TO READ ANYONE ELSE'S. SUGGEST GAME PRODUCT YOU ARE ALREADY FAMILIAR WITH Yesterday 10:27 AM (edited) +2

57. Barry Blatt SUGGESTS WHOLE ARGUMENT IS FREAKISHLY PROVINCIAL VIA DEFT USE OF COCKNEY SLANG (aka "Pulling a Barry") Yesterday 10:28 AM - +1

58. COMMENT ABOUT HOW THE OP IS POINTLESS BECAUSE NO ONE USES THAT SYSTEM/RULE/BOOK ANYWAY COUPLED WITH A SUGGESTION OF MY PET SYSTEM THAT IS COMPLETELY INCOMPATIBLE WITH WHAT THE OP WAS ASKING FOR. Yesterday 10:29 AM

59. ASSERTION OF HOW ITS DONE IN POSTER'S RETROCLONE/HEARTBREAKER THAT CUTS GORDIAN KNOT PERFECTLY & THAT GETS +8 BUT WILL NOT BE IMPLEMENTED BY ANYONE READING BECAUSE PRODUCT IS NOT ANY EDITION OF D&D. HEARTS BREAK. Yesterday 10:31 AM

60. POSTED LINK INCITES MONOSYLLABIC TROLL REPLY Yesterday 10:31 AM

61. LONG DIGRESSION IN RESPONSE TO JOKE EXPLANATION RENDERED POINTLESS BY CONFUSING HAWKWIND WITH HAWK THE SLAYER. Yesterday 10:32 AM

62. FORGET CONSEQUENCES OF THE LAST COMMENT POSTED ON A LIVELY THREAD LIKE THIS, CARELESSLY POST SOMETHING THAT DERAILS ENTIRE DISCUSSION. Yesterday 10:32 AM

63. GETS INSPIRED TO WRITE HEARTBREAKER TO ADDRESS THIS ENTIRE THREAD'S PROBLEM. TOTALLY FUCKING PUBLISHES IT TWO YEARS LATER TO CRICKETS. Yesterday 10:32 AM +1

64. CRICKETS DEVOUR WORLD Yesterday 10:33 AM +2

65. (a)ADD POINTLESS CC TO +Zak Smith . (b)PLUG KICKSTARTER PROJECT THAT YOU WILL GET LESS PRODUCT THAN IF YOU PAID RETAIL Yesterday 10:33 AM +1

66. POST TO LET YOU ALL KNOW I JUST MUTED IT AND WILL NOT BE RESPONDING TO ANY FURTHER ATTACKS WHILE INSINUATING THAT YOU ALL ARE IGNORANT SAVAGE CURS Yesterday 10:34 AM +3

67. AFTER RETIRING FROM BLOG AND PUBLIC STATUS, RE-EMERGE AND DUMP OIL ON FIRE. ONLY TO DISAPPEAR FROM NET WITHIN MINUTES OF POSTING. Yesterday 10:35 AM +2

68. IGNORES ALL COMMENTS AND DISCUSSION TO POST I 'JUST WANT TO THANK ORIGINAL POSTER FOR BEING SO BRAVE SAYING THESE THINGS' Yesterday 10:36 AM

69. (DOES NOT POST BUT CHECKS TO SEE IF EVERYBODY ELSE WHO IS WRONG IS G+ FRIENDS WITH CUR-INSINUATOR AND/OR DESIGNER OF OBVIOUSLY UNDESIRABLE GAME WHOSE PREMISE INDICATES OBVIOUS INCONGRUITY OF GAME'S GOALS WITH CHECKER'S GAMING AESTHETICS) Yesterday 10:37 AM (edited) - +1

70. POST ABOUT HOW MY FATHER SAYS WHATEVER PREVIOUS POST SAYS, POTTER! Yesterday 10:37 AM

71. OBSERVATION ABOUT HOW I GO AWAY TO LOCAL CONVENIENT CHAIN STORE FOR 10 MINUTES AND THREAD BECOMES SIGNIFICANTLY LONGER. CHAIN STORE REFERENCE WILL CONFUSE 25% OF READERS, ONE OF WHOM WILL REQUEST CLARIFICATION SIMULTANEOUS WITH IN-KNOW READER POSTING INSIDE LOCAL JOKE CONCERNING IT. POSTERS WILL REALIZE THEY LIVE ACROSS STREET FROM EACH OTHER. GET OFF-LINE, GO PLAY GAME. Yesterday 10:41 AM - +3

72. GO PLAY GAME OF [INAPPROPRIATE ACTION]! YEAHHHH! Yesterday 10:46 AM

73. MAKE GENERALIZED ATTACK ON THREAD PARTICIPANTS ANONYMOUSLY. EXHIBIT SEXUAL ANXIETY.

Yesterday 10:47 AM +1

74. TL;DR; Yesterday 10:47 AM +1

75. GERTCHA! Yesterday 10:54 AM +3

76. (YouTube Link) Chas And Dave GertchaYesterday 11:02 AM (edited)

77. COMMENT ABOUT HOW YOUTUBE VIDEO IS BLOCKED IN COMMENTER'S NATION OF RESIDENCE Yesterday 11:03 AM (edited) - +1

78. EXPLANATION OF YOUTUBE VIDEO THAT IS REALLY BORING AND NOT FUNNY Yesterday 11:06 AM

79. FINAL WORD THAT IS REALLY CONDESCENDING AND DEROGATORY Yesterday 11:56 AM +2

80. LATE-TO-PARTY COMMENT INTIMATING THAT I READ ENTIRE THREAD, YET ABSORBED NOTHING. TRIES TO BE QUIRKILY AMUSING, BUT IS IGNORED BY ALL AS IRRELEVANT. CRIES ALONE IN BASEMENT. Yesterday 12:15 PM +1

81. GODWIN

Yesterday 4:39 PM ........................................................................................

82. EXACT SAME ARGUMENT ONE WEEK LATER Yesterday 10:11 AM

83. (FORCED) CHUCKLE ABOUT HOW DIVISIVENESS OF ISSUE AMONG FINANCIALLY INSIGNIFICANT SUBCLIQUE OF GAMERS IS IRREVOCABLE EVIDENCE THAT 5E IS A MISGUIDED AND QUIXOTIC PROJECT Yesterday 11:48 AM -

84. (a) PERSONAL MATTER OF TASTE PROJECTED AS STRONGLY-WORDED VALUE STATEMENT. (b)PIOUS SERMON IN FAVOR OF SMALL CAPITALIST ENTERPRISE OVER LARGE CAPITALIST REPRINTS OF CHERISHED OLD GAME PRODUCT Yesterday 11:59 AM (edited)

85. YELLING AT PREVIOUS POSTER ABOUT UNINTEREST IN CAPITALIST PRODUCT BECAUSE OF SOMEWHAT SIMILAR THING ALREADY ON A BLOG THAT IS FREE BUT ANOTHER CAPITALIST IS MAKING AD MONEY OFF OF.

THEN REALIZING I MISREAD WHAT HE SAID. Yesterday 12:17 PM (edited) +3

86. ZAK EXTENDS OLIVE BRANCH TO 4E PEOPLE AND ATTEMPTS TO UNDERSTAND THEM Yesterday 12:32 PM +2

87. 4E PARTISAN DECENDS UPON THREAD WITH Fire and Brimstone (Level 5 Daily Power) AND Magic Missile (Level 1 At-Will). Yesterday 12:36 PM +1

88. DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE A TO-HIT ROLL FOR THAT? Yesterday 12:37 PM

89. Fire and Brimstone IS VS FORT OR BE STUNNED FOR ONE THREAD.

Magic Missile IS VS REF OR BE PUSHED TO UNRELATED THREAD (Save Negates) Yesterday 12:39 PM

90. WE HAD THESE STATUS CARDS THAT WERE REALLY FULL SIZED PIECES OF PAPER AND WE FOLDED THEM INTO PAPER HATS AND PLAYERS WORE THEM. IT WAS FUN. Yesterday 12:50 PM +1

91. HOPES (argument) WILL NOT BE IN 5E Yesterday 12:50 PM

92. WHY ARE YOU GOING BACKWARDS MY GOD Yesterday 12:55 PM (edited)

93. LAMENTS THE FACT THE WE ALL CANT JUST GET ALONG. PERSONALLY CAN, WARMED BY SMUG SUPERIORITY Yesterday 4:40 PM

94. QUOTES CS LEWIS OR ROBERT HEINLEIN

Yesterday 12:36 PM +1

95. STRANGE REVERIE/TANGENT ABOUT HOW WE USED TO ROLL IT BACK IN THE DAY, CLEARLY PAINKILLER-FUELLED Yesterday 12:38 PM +1

96. COMMENT IRONICALLY ASKING WHAT? IS COMMENTER NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE OWN OPINION? IN WAY THAT INDICATES COMMENTER COULD NOT POSSIBLY BE SMART ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND HOW MANY THINGS ARE WRONG ABOUT THAT RHETORICAL QUESTION Yesterday 12:40 PM +1

97. SEX DWARF Yesterday 12:43 PM +1

98. Hello this information are like simple to learn more message to this website and also getting the wonderful to follow this message i easily to achieve this ranking position to this field. Yesterday 12:47 PM

99. COMMENT DOOMED TO BE IGNORED SINCE COMMENTER LOST ALL CREDIBILITY LONG AGO Yesterday 12:54 PM

00. COMMENT WHERE YOU'RE LIKE IS THIS JUST NOT A NATIVE ENGLISH SPEAKER OR IS THIS PERSON SUCH A TWEEZER THAT HE ACTUALLY TALKS LIKE THAT? Yesterday 12:50 PM +1

Random Inter-NPC Relationship Table

1-2....is toying with...or using it/she/he for entertainment
3-4...is obsessed with...
5-6...has an uneasy alliance with...
7-8...seeks to control...
9-10...reluctantly trades with...
11-12...sexually involved with...
13-14...seeks the destruction of...
15-16...seeks the return of...
17-18...is inside...
19-20...secretly serves...
21-22..is at war with...
23-24...loves...
25-26...wants to eat/consume/absorb...
27-28...cannot sense____ & this is dangerous
29-30...is inoperative/immobile/comatose without....
31-32...does not want to harm____but feels s/he must
33-34...worships...
35-36...requires___as a raw material for some magical/psychic alchemical scheme
37-38....desires___'s dwelling/home
39-40...wants to attack___ but is bound by some thing not to do so directly
41-42....uneasily shares power with...
43-44...pressured to be allied with...

45-46...wants to frame______ or otherwise have his/her/its actions mistaken for his/her/its own

47-48...must distract...in order to enact plan

49-50...is mystically joined to...

51-52...will be unstoppable once allied with...

53-54...will be more vulnerable once allied with...

55-56...wants to be rescued from...

57-58...requires ___ to reproduce

59-60...seeks information possessed by...

61-62...seeks the love of...

63-64...seeks information about...

65-66...just killed/is about to kill...

67-68...came from..

69-70...seeks the capture of..

71-72...seeks to secretly undermine...

73-75...hates...

76-77...is allied with...

78-79...serves...

80-81...is or wants to perform experiments on...

82-83...requires_____to complete a work of art

84-85...secretly is...

86-87...is only vulnerable to...

88-89...has key info about...

90-91...is impersonating...

92-93...is struggling with ____ for control of an organization

94-95...is unaware of but vulnerable to s/he/it

96-97 ...is betrothed to...

98-99...is married to...

00 ...roll twice

Automated version on Abulafia here.

More Of This Please

Dear game publishers:
Give us art that's good. I could give a fuck what's in it.














(yes, that's one of mine)

Let's Play DMG Roulette!

Random page.

Type I DMG

Type IV DMG

3.5 DMG

"(A chapter about mining)

As Dungeon Master you will be interested in the subject of dungeon building for two reasons. Most important is the work will take place in various underground settings you devise for your players. Work will probably be in progress prior to their venturing into the labyrinth, during the course of their adventures therein, and even after they have moved on to some other project or task. Later, high level player characters will build their own strongholds, and they will desire some dungeon mazes thereunder."

"Gaining a level is the most significant reward the game has to offer, but even that reward has its own tidal rhythm. Characters gain new attack powers at odd-numbered levels, and they gan new feats, ability score increases, and global adjustments to all their attack and defenses at even-numbered levels. both are exciting, but they feel different." (Facing page: picture of leafhippie)

"Epic Ranger

Whether cunning protector of the wild or cold blooded hunter of the weak, the epic ranger is one with the wilderness, moving with deadly grace and keen mind through the natural world"

_______

Round one:

Rather than emphasize the differences between these passages (easy to do) instead I'm thinking about the similarities:

All these passages are fucking pointless

The first one is, at least, subjectively useless (and funny), while the last two are absolutely redundant. Why do they even make DMGs?

Round one to Gary.

Ok:

_________

"When the paladin reaches 4th or higher level, he or she will eventually call for a warhorse. It will magically appear, but not in actual physical form. The paladin will magically "see" his or her faithful destrier in whatever locale it is currently in, and it is therefore up to the paladin to journry to the place and gain the steed. As a rule, of thumb, this journey will not be beyond 7 days ride, and gaining the mount will not be an impossible task. The...(and then a bunch of adventure hooks)"

"The basic nature of puzzles--that they rely on player ability--is the reason that some people love puzzles in the game and some people dislike them. players who enjoy puzzles and are reasonably good at solving them generally like running into them in the course of an adventure. players who don't like puzzles, or who balk at the idea that a 25th-level wizard with a 26 Intelligence can't solve a simple number square, find puzzles an intrusion into the game. Looking at the motivations of your players (see Chapter 1), you'll find that puzzles engage some explorers and many thinkers, and they can grab a surprising number of watchers, but instigators, power gamers, and slayers quickly get impatient with them. If your group consists mostly of the latter types of players, it's best to steer away from puzzles."

(Related from the same DMG: "Some D&D adventures feature puzzles. Some DMs believe puzzles should test the characters, and see puzzles as a form of skill challenge. Others see puzzles as a challenge for the players, and welcome the variety and hands-on nature of puzzles that they can solve personally or as a group. Use puzzles as either sort of challenge in your game.")

Dust of Appearance

This fine powder appears to be a very fine, (one would assume) very light metallic dust. A single handful of this substance flung into the air coats objects within a 10-foot radius, making them visible even if they are invisible. It likewise negates the effects of blur and displacement. (In this, it works just like the faerie fire spell). The dust also reveals figments, mirror images, and projected images for what they are. A creature coated with the dust takes a -30 penalty on its Hide checks. The dust’s effect lasts for 5 minutes.

Dust of appearance is typically stored in small silk packets or hollow bone tubes.

Faint conjuration; CL 5th; Craft Wondrous Item, glitterdust; Price 1,800 gp.

____________

These are all more interesting:

Gary gives us an adventure in a box, the 4e DMG talks about the central 4e issue (player skill vs character skill), and the 3.5 gives us an 1800 gp magic item that works exactly like a keg of baking soda. What a strange world.

I'm giving this round to the 4e DMG, for being straightforward.

_____________

If any cleric was more powerful than the renowned Dahlver-Nar, histories do not tell us. The gods themselves gave special powers to him, and these have passed on to others by means of the great relics of Dahvler-Nar, his teeth. Each of the Teeth has some power, and if one charcter manages to gain a full quarter, half, or all of them, other grand benefits accrue. In order to gain the power of one of these teeth, however, the character must place it into his or her mouth, where it will graft itself in the place of a like missing tooth. The teeth can never be removed once so emplaced, short of the demise of the possessor. Their powers/effects are:

If none of the characters in your 6thlevel party uses a long bow, don't put a 10thlevel longbow in your dungeon as treasure. A great way to make sure you give players magic items they'll be excited about is to ask them for wish lists. At the start of each level, have each player write down a list of three to five items that they are intrigued by that are no more than four levels above their own level. You can choose treasure from those lists (making sure to place an item from a different character's list each time), crossing the items off as the characters find them. If characters don't find things on their lists, they can purchase or enchant them when they reach sufficient level. Each set of ten treasure parcels includes one less magic item than there are characters in the party. That's not meant to be unfair, just to make sure that characters gain magic items at a manageable rate. Make sure that over the course of several levels of adventuring, you award items evenly to all the char acters, so that over the course of, say, five levels, every character has acquired four useful and exciting items.

______

Sometimes, however, players come to you and say that they like a certain class, but they want to change a single feature or two. Michele might want to play a ranger with no desire to obtain more than one favored enemy. She wants to play a beast-slayer, and her character hates dire wolves. She’s also interested in the paladin’s warhorse. You can decide, as a DM, that it’s acceptable to trade those ranger abilities for the paladin’s mount. In fact, you might decide that it’s not a fair trade, and that Michele’s character can have the detect evil ability as well. (She is, after all, giving up an ability usable at 1st level as well as one that comes into play later for one that she can’t achieve until 5th level.) Allowing a player to play the character she wants to play is always a desirable goal. Sure, sometimes it can’t be achieved--the player asks for too much, or what she wants doesn’t fit with your campaign--but the effort to accommodate reasonable modifications is almost always worth it.

______

Mmmmm...this round the 4e DMG definitely loses, but who wins? Magic teeth are cool, but the 3.5 DMG advice is solid and probably more often useful than the teeth which, being insanely powerful and possibly very silly, will only be as cool as they should be 10% of the time. Plus this totally sounds like something Michelle would actually do.

Round 3 to 3e...

____

Oh it's a 3way tie.

Tiebreaker round:

______

"While there might be as many as 25 or more prospective henchmen in the city of 25,000 cited above, the player character desirous of locating one or more for service must be able to reach the NPCs in order to let them know there is a henchman position available. In order to get this sort of information around, there are several methods which can be used singularly or in combination:" (and then a chart with costs and percentages)

"An artifact's concordance score measures the artifact's attitude toward its wielder. The scale ranges from 0 (angered) to 20 (pleased). When a character takes possession of an artifact, it starts with a concordance of 5. (The owner's race, class, or other characteristics might adjust this starting concordance.) Various actions and events increase or decrease this score as long as the character possesses the artifact. When the artifact is pleased with its wielder's actions, its concordance goes up. When the wielder acts contrary to the artifact's desires, its concordance decreases. The wielder knows of the factors that alter the concordance--it's in the artifact's best interests to communicate its desires and expectations. But keep the artifact's concordance score a secret, telling the player only if the artifact's powers or properties change. The player shouldn't ever know exactly how close the artifact is to changing its attitude."

"Obviously any stat block you create for your own use can be as sparse or as detailed as you need it to be. If all that relly matters for an encounter is a creature's hit points AC and attack bonus, then those are the only characteristics you need to make note of.

Use your own stat blocks to streamline the action during play by enabling you to have what you need at your fingertips--but don't feel that your stat blocks have to provide every single conceivable statistic for every creature (unless that's what you want them to do, of course)."

_______

Sorry AD&D DMG: nobody uses that system and even if they did, it's way too cheap and if you fail, then what? Go without? No. you have enough gp--you just do it again and cross off game weeks? Give me a Jeff Rients henchgenerator over that any day.

The 4e Concordance mechanic--you get more artifact powers the more you "agree" with you item--is a pretty good mechanic. Though, in general, artifacts don't (or shouldn't) come up that much, so if I give this one the round then I'd have to go back and give the Teeth of Dahlver Nar the round before...

Then the 3.5 comes in with totally dull but absolutely unarguable advice on statblocks that some people still at this late date have not gotten through their little pea-brained heads.

___________

Whereas if I just go for what's shiny and awesome then y'know, artifacts are cool and 4e and AD&D are tied...

Mmmm...does the 3.5 DMG wins this match with its Tortoise vs. Hare approach to DM advice?

Is there a 4e/AD&D tie?

Or do I just go back decide "Teeth of Dahlver Nar" is such a viscerally evocative name that it makes up for boring henchweeksearchbloat and just give it to Gary?

What a hopeless game.

Law of the Presumption of Ludological Innocence

The burden of proof lies with whichever party is claiming a game isn't good.

That is all.

This Took 15 Minutes. Try it.

The Land Of Xai

(assuming PCs sail the shortest route)

Day one

Dead calm sea (lose a day of movement)

Day two

Aquatic elf

Day three

Sealizard

Day four

Dead calm sea (lose a day of movement)

Day five

A medium-sized passing ship is sighted. What is it?

5 weird pirates (6th level) but accompanied by 8 crowmen.

Day six

Stranglekelp

Day seven

Clouds form and skies darken

Day eight

Bad weather--Make 8 control or piloting rolls to avoid damage to the ship. Failure results in...

Something caught in the rudder--someone needs to climb down there and get it. There are dire sharks.

(you land)

A crumbling aqueduct.

Ruin of an old castle.

Hill -- you can see 8 miles in every direction...

A vast dry sea, now a plain composed of fused fish bones, in the middle the source of this death

The Temple of the Bitter God (surrounded by mist)

A snake infested temple of an obscure faith based on the worship of burn victims

At first, the PCs will see eight towers. Each has about 4 defenders visible (there are actually 32 defenders total) and about 1 will arrive per round in the case of an alarm. Most of these devildwarves are cloned and are mounted on panthers. The outer walls are 12 feet tall and the towers extend 5 feet above them.

*Due to the condition of the walls, climb checks are at minus four.

*The lowest windows are 9 feet up.

*The initial volley from the towers in case of an unexpected attack will be crossbow fire. The second volley in case of a siege, an anticipated attack, or a small but persistent raiding party (like a bunch of PCs) will consist of flaming arrows or bolts.

*Additional security measures include:

A moat 100 feet across and a 48 foot curving causeway across it. A gatehouse with inner portcullises that cut off the gatehouse at both ends. A winding staircase 80 feet long in front of the front gate. A series of secondary walls--25 feet tall. There are 7 inner towers.

*Also:

This is a desolate area. The garrison is low on supplies. May trade or run outta arrows

It is ruled by two wizards...

The Butcher of Brides

male wizard (-Lvl 10-) Str: 11 Dex: 11 Int: 12 Wis: 9 Con: 10 Cha: 3

(Charisma 3? Wow. No wonder he lives in a lonely temple surrounded by devildwarves.)

Ferret. He has a ferret. Satine's dead PCs ferret(?).

The Numinous Conqueror of the Labyrinth

male mage (-Lvl 13-) Str: 12 Dex: 9 Int: 14 Wis: 9 Con: 10 Cha: 6

plays war games using miniaturized diseases

Their spell pool includes:

-New And Disturbing Limb, Otto's Irresistible Dance, Yoink! (one object transferred from target to caster)

Inside is The Blind Chamber, a maze:

Exits (clockwise from North) First exit: Accidentally/organically "trapped"--the architecture falls apart in a dangerous way when you attempt to open this door. Because recent fighting in the complex has fucked it up. Second exit:Doorless archway.

Inside: a cyclops and also: a scythe

and:

Annoying Knox Harrington-esque visitor (female sage) who just happens to be there when intruders show up (if they came in via b&e then assume the visitor's unconscious on the sofa or something) and who assumes the PCs are friends, family or employees of the homeowner and generally behaves like a hilarious rube to the best of the DMs ability.

Treasure:

a narwhal horn smoking pipe

a copper armband, inlaid with medium scorpion chitin.

This adventure courtesy of these Abulafia tables:

• ‎3d6 In Order NPC
• ‎Animal
• ‎Creepy Fantasy Villain
• ‎Dungeon Area Name
• ‎Dungeon Room
• ‎Exotic Landscape
• ‎Fantasy Adventure Locations
• ‎Fantasy Mansion Domestic Security Measures
• ‎Fantasy NPC (Basic)
• ‎Pulp Fantasy Nation
• ‎Random Fortress
• ‎Random Humanoid Horde
• Today At Sea
• Weird Fantasy Monster