Wednesday, January 26, 2011

The Girls' Answers To the Hot Guy Quiz

So here' what the girls said when asked to rate the sex appeal of guys on my hard drive...
Arnim Zola got no love. As is right and proper: he is a mad geneticist and a Nazi and he has a TV with his face on it where his stomach should be.
The Kraken scored very high and remained in the running pretty much the whole time. did Blix The Goblin. Why? I have seriously no idea. Mandy seems to subscribe to the (dubious but beneficial to me) Big Nose Theory, but that doesn't really explain all of it. My guess is that both Viv and Mandy were assuming Blix was bigger than them, but I think if he was, like, 4 feet, they'd change their mind because Goblin Crawling Up You is somehow much worse I think.
The Mod Gorilla Boss, sad to say, scored poorly. Although Mandy did say Galactus wearing the Mod Boss' suit would be a nice package.
This Makoto Kobayashi Robot scored astoundingly well. Perhaps because it looks like 5 or 6 sex toys welded together.
Insane Kid Cosplaying As Cobra Commander scored high as well, though he came late in the game. The deranged antigleam in his eye definitely counted in his favor with the panel. I believe the goblin, robot, or Kraken defeated him eventually.
Galactus. The ladies loved Galactus. Why? "He eats planets!" Power is a big deal. Apparently feeding Class 3000 power levels into the Kissinger Equation results in numbers high enough to overcome a purple costume, having giant tuning fork things coming out of your head, and multiple genocide.
Steve Martin, the only actual human male offered up for review, was rejected with startling ferocity.
The snake thing scored well, but was quickly buried in the ratings since it came up in the same round as Galactus and...
The Silt Shark from Dark Sun...This was the bone of contention. While both agreed that the shark was sexy (even after I pointed out that it would inevitably be covered in sand) Mandy was unwilling to go as far as to say sexier than Galactus but Viv maintained the thing was you'd be able to say you got fucked by a shark.

Which, judging from the expression on his face for most of last night, would put you in a very small club with John McCain as its charter member.


P.S. Gigacrawler still appreciates your attention.


  1. Fucked by a shark? Is this a Led Zep groupie thing?

  2. Galactus. The ladies loved Galactus.
    As expected.

    Steve Martin, the only actual human male offered up for review, was rejected with startling ferocity.
    As expected, but damn.

  3. 404 on the free Fight On! (one day only offer?)
    Also, I have no idea what porn girls look for in a guy.

    I am teh suck. :(

  4. On the whole i think Mandy and Vivka have made good choices. I would only really disagree with their stance on Galactus, who's stupid hat is stupid and if he has so much power he should be able to amend that, but he DOESN'T.
    Also the shark thing, saying you got fucked by a shark ... eehhh, shark skin is rough, like sandpaper :/ It's certainly better than being raped by a dolphin, but still.
    Anyway, this was very interesting. yay.

  5. Hold on! I have to address what Delta said. I too said "A paltry Class 3000?" but then consider that entities the like of Eternity exist-- & that therefore the Class 5000 rating is better reserved for them.

  6. I don't, I just, a goblin, really?

    I'm thoroughly confused and overwhelmed with sub-cultural normalcy angst. :)

  7. Have Mandy and Viv seen The Jerk??

  8. I don't know much about Arnim Zola, but his being drawn by Kirby counts for a lot... however, if he was a Nazi, I would think he could be a snappier dresser with jodphurs, riding boots, swagger stick and other bits of fetish wear. The orange smock and armored pants are so 80s (and not in a cool retro way). Is he any relation to Emil Zola?

    I'm apalled that the mod gorilla didn't do better.

  9. I am glad Steve Martin failed. And as always, hooray for the Kraken!

  10. The extra-funny thing is how very smitten my girlfriend was with Steve Martin in the past when he flirted with her at a theatrical opening (which he wrote, she worked on).

    Or wait, does that say bad things about her choosing me now?

  11. I shouldve known that stupid Galactus would win it! I agree with fishlemon.. his stupid hat is really stupid. Amazingly stupid. I'm amazed.

    Anyway, I didn't want to be presumptuous and suggest that girls would like an enormous cephalopod on account of my little picture thing here. (Highfives to squidman btw). Respect for the tentacles!!

    My official stance: I do not support sexual gratification through the medium of shark.

  12. You should show them pics from Galactus first appearance, when he wore shorts.

  13. Clearly, having tentacles in a tiny avatar picture thing means you will agree about stuff with other tiny tentacle picture people.

    i can't find pictures of Galactus wearing shorts, this is most saddening.