Notes On Today's Game
-New newbie player today: Daniel, blond, male, 20-something, 37 adult feature film credits to date, human, wizard, charm, magic missile, 1 hit point.
-Turns out the White Elves have found one of the eyes of the rain god, Vorn. I said it was 15-20 feet in diameter. Anybody know how big you are if your eye is 15-20 feet across? Anyway, I guess that's how big gods are in my campaign now.
-KK: "Can we take it?"
Jesus, ten minutes into her second game ever and she's already totally Old School.
-Low-level combat: I fail to hit you, you fail to hit me, I fail to hit you, you fail to hit me--must remember to pull out some kind of alternate weird tactic or environmental factor by at least the third round to keep things interesting.
-So if you remember last game ended with KK and Mandy magically siamese-twinned together. There was a ridiculously long discussion about the pros and cons of performing battleaxe surgery and then just having Mandy cast a healing spell on them both after. Didn't come to that.
-"So one of the guards is charmed, the other two aren't."
Frankie: "Um, I have 17 charisma, can I talk to the guard?"
"Go ahead, what are you saying?"
"Ummm...that's really nice armor you've got, how does it go on--just, like, straps?"
"Uh, yeah, straps."
"Can I see?"
"See, it's a strap."
"Ummm...what does the inside look like?"
"Like the inside of some armor."
"Uh...that's a really nice sword, can I see it?"
-KK and Daniel both got calls from their agencies at the table at almost exactly the same time. Just coincidence? Or do all porn agents wake up just as the sun is going down?
-Daniel: "I guess I shoot him."
"You can't back out of combat and then shoot at him without him getting a free hit in on you."
"Well I don't have any spells...what do I have...ummm...a tinder twig?"
"You have a twig?"
"Why does he have a twig?"
"He bought it."
"You bought a twig? You moron."
"Can I, like, stab him in the eye with the twig?"
"Sure, you can try..."
"Fuck! I missed."
"You poked him in the ear."
"Did my twig break?"
"No. The twig is intact"
-KK got bitten by a werewolf. She was totally jazzed, of course, she even drew little wolf ears on the pictures she was drawing of her character (above). I'm expecting a lot of "Rookia, we'll have to find a cure, you keep trying to eat us" vs. "But being a werewolf is so cool."-type action very soon. Hey, if it makes the barbarian role-play, who am I to argue?
-Frankie: "Can I sneak up on them?"
"Roll to move silently."
"Ok, these guys all start waking up..."
"Shit! Ummm, I use my charisma on them!"
"What do you say? They just saw you trying to sneak between them while they were sleeping."
"Ummm...I say I was just, uh..."
"Tell them you just wanted to see Lord Gormengeth's butt!"
"Yeah, tell them you wanted to see his butt."
"Yeah, say that."
"Ok, I say I just wanted to see Gormengeth's butt."
[Lord Gormengeth rolls a 1.]
"Lord Gormengeth is intrigued, and invites you into his chambers."
-I'm sure it all sounds ridiculous. And it was--because it's D&D. But it was spooky, too--Mandy looked into the eye of her god, there was a lot of tense sneaking, and then everyone almost got killed in a crumbling church in the snow by werewolves--until they remembered about running away. I was very proud of them when they remembered about running away.
-When everybody finally got to the city, they rolled on the Extended Carousing Mishaps Table so they could trade cash for x.p.. Next session will begin with Daniel having narrowly avoided venereal disease and Mandy waking up in bed next to a dead female White Elf.
I'm too tired to supply the "art imitates life" jokes here. You're creative people, feel free to make up your own.
p.s. Did the math on Vorn--he'd have to be about 1332 feet tall. That's several Godzillas.
2 hours ago