The striking thing about yesterday's questionnaire (aside from how popular Death Frost Doom apparently is among readers of this blog) is the answer to the last question:
23. Is there anyone you know who you talk about RPGs with who doesn't play? How do those conversations go?
Came up repeatedly: "Well, there's the wife..."So, to follow up, in her own words: why does your girlfriend/wife not play?
(Huge Bonus Points if you can get an answer better than "I don't play RPGs because I'm not really into RPGs.")
(If some life reason makes asking her impossible, you may go ahead and guess.)
(And yes yes yes I know there are many of you smug bastards--like me--whose significant others do play. Or whose S.O. is male. Or who are currently bereft of the pleasures and enigmas of physical intimacy. But today's question isn't aimed at us.)
35 comments:
My wife does play, but only boardgames (even complex ones). I managed to get her to play D&D once; she did enjoy it, but she thought a session lasted "too long".
My girlfriend was always worried about our *sessions* not lasting long enough...
Ok, bad joke.
In all seriousness, I've tried introducing my girlfriend to D&D, but she doesn't really have the endurance for the technical stuff. She really likes stories though, I think she would have liked it if we had a more narrative DM.
First, she doesn't understand what is so enjoyable about gaming. Second, she doesn't have enough time between working more than full time and finishing her Master's degree to spend the time to figure it out. Third, she and I both agree that we need to have some things of our own that we do separately. Gaming is mine.
word verification: flanness
I have a situation similar to Bob's. Mostly the first two parts he stated. She will listen to me talk about my gaming and campaigns, yet she isn't really into that kind of thing, which is cool. One day, I do plan to get her to at least try playing one game.
All I can say is it's worth the effort.
My special lady friend plays an amazon named Barbarella in the Hill Cantons and Desert Scribe's wife has been a regular player. Though neither are "gamers" they play with imagination and I appreciate the dynamic of having a gender balanced play crew (for a change).
She's not really interested and I don't feel I need her to be. I'm not interested in some of her hobbies.
http://osrandom.blogspot.com/
My wife doesn't really find fiddling with numbers all that interesting. And a lot of gaming is fiddling with numbers. 4e was worst for that, and she got bored pretty fast. Might be partially my issue for introducing her to versions of D&D that don't match her interests well, but mostly - she's been exposed enough to know she ain't all that interested.
My wife simply isn't interested. She would rather be scrapbooking.
My wife is interested in RP but not the G. she doesn't deal well with learning rules. She does online RP like in IMVU.
"I don't play because I have no interest in role playing games. I was however interested in a Miami Vice game that Jeff said was going on at the Armored Gopher but only because I'm a fan."
My wife says:
"I've never had interest in story telling generally, and certainly not in collectively doing it. Growing up, my imaginary worlds were always reality based; even if I read a lot of fantasy, I never placed myself in it. I don't think there is currently anything anyone could do to make me interested, I would feel welcomed and encouraged, I am just fundamentally uninterested. I don't really know how to explain a lack of interest in something I don't dislike. But, after 13 years, my husband has gotten pretty good about telling me about his gaming in ways that interest me (and perhaps stereotypically, I'm interested in the interpersonal stuff that goes into managing a game)."
My girlfriend used to play, way back before I met her. But she, like myself, tend to get fed up with people really quickly, particularly if they act like dicks at the game-table.
Nowadays she prefers online RPing...which I guess, in a way, is a kind of diceless, cooperative (assuming everyone plays nicely) game. I'd equate it as more like collaborative story-writing with a referee...but some of the other RPers I know will shout me down if I say it's not a game.
(...the same ones who don't understand why RPGs use dice or have rules for failure)
ulfgar, Mordicai & stupidgremlin may have a future in journalism.
She feels that she doesn't have enough knowledge of fantasy and/or history.
Having said that, she has played a few times (including a small LARP with Greg Stafford no less) and seemed to enjoy it.
My wife plays sometimes, but neither of us would go as far as to call her an engaged/enthusiastic player. I recently asked her about why she doesn't want to play more. Her answers:
- She really likes the people we game with, but feels that it isn't that "social" of an activity, because--unlike a board game, etc.--you can't really talk about anything else while playing an RPG.
- She admires the creativity that others put into setting, characters, etc. but as more of a non-fiction, numbers-crunching kind of girl, she doesn't feel that she has the creative streak to pull it off herself. It's kind of intimidating. Her favorite part is usually just rolling a ton of D6s after casting her (signature) fireball spell.
- She's Ultra Type A in personality, which means that she's not happy unless she's moving around a lot, multitasking, etc. Again, hard to do and still be fully invested in what's happening at the table.
- There are Just More Interesting Things to Do. Like travel, sit in the sunshine, and remodel the house. (Yeah, I live with Mr. Spock and Bob Villa's hyperactive love child.)
**Dammit, Blogger. Get an "edit" function, already!
I play the most time with my girlfriend.
I was expecting this. I thought "OK I'm gonna reword my comment" and then I thought "What the heck" :)
She did play, up until she gave birth to our son, now neither of us play face to face regularly. In RPGs. Ahem.
Here is my wife's response..
"okay It's not my thing, DD is my husbands thing, its not my thing, I am often doing other things, sleeping, making dinner, doing laundry, gearing up for work, maybe i will read, so thats why I don't play DD its not my thing, I like to hear my DGH dungeon dude husband, if you all don't get to loud but, its not my thing. So im okay with him playing but I dont want to.
thanks all hope answered the question"
i really want to know if all of these wives come from the usa or some are british or what, because a lot of them sound vaguely like the tiny american woman who lives in my head but never says anything.
osirises - my wife is originally from Puerto Rico :)
I just got mine to play LotFP at my con table last weekend, so I'm not going to jinx it by asking. But if I had to guess, I'd say because it just all seemed very esoteric, requiring someone to learn a lot to even begin. But when we needed a fourth for the table, she was game. So perhaps the answer would be "you never asked me to before".
:) I'm sorry for being so predictable.
My girlfriend says she finds the idea of RPGs terrifying due to the improvisational creative element. She can't stand any form of public speaking (or so she says... she is a substitute teacher.) Also, she isn't heavily into fantasy or games (video or otherwise) so it's not really something that interests her beyond simple curiosity.
"I don't find them interesting... no... I do... oh... I'd much rather sit down and have a real conversation with someone. or plan a joint project together than play an imaginary person relying on a dice. Plus there's too many friggin' rules to learn and I'm too busy. That's another one. How can I make a character when I'm doing your tax.... can you stop now?... Look it's just YOUR THING ok?"
though now, having read that she wishes to change her statement to "Look, I'm just too busy doing rollerderby."
My ex-wife said she'd leave me if I ever played D&D, but Call of Cthulhu and Savage Worlds seemed to be okay, so I can only assume there was some Satanic Panic thing going on.
She did leave me in the end, but not because of D&D.
Oh, I'm British, but my ex-wife is a Minnesotan.
After multiple readings of Death Frost Doom, I can't imagine ever, ever, ever using it in my campaign. I envy its sense of dread, but the consequences for nearly any type of exploratory play are so grim and campaign changing that I just would never pull the trigger.
I enjoyed reading it, I get a kick out of most of what Raggi puts out there, but as for it being something I'd play, it just wouldn't happen.
(I was more interested in that note than any SO talk. I've had some that were interested, some that weren't.)
DFD could easily be just like 100 zombies and then it's over
Social awkwardness, feeling like she doesn't know the rules as well as everyone else, and a hate-hate relationship with dice luck.
She played one or two games with us and had a reasonable amount of fun. I asked her about it and she said that she can't imagine playing regularly in any capacity because she's too busy with her job and all the other activities. When she has time off she prefers to go dancing or watch movies etc.
After a few more questions we struck the deeper reason (and why she won't make the effort to find the time) is because she feels the activity is not pertinent to her life, it is purpose-less (like all play) and it has no consequence or result.
She was glad for the question because it made her articulate and realize this, which she had not been aware of before.
@gregor
well then my next question to her would be: Well then what about dancing or movies?
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