Saturday, January 14, 2012

Serpentor v. Hargrave

"Sorry guys, I just woke up."
"No kidding."
"No I mean my character just woke up."
"Anyway, you're all fighting purple people and one has a raygun."
"Oh, man..."
(this turns out to be cake, actually, so we slay them, collect the raygun and then we keep looking around until...)
"Gilgamesh the Macho, a giant tick falls on you from the ceiling and rolls...very well actually...I'm using the Arduin crit tables for these and..."
"We attack and do stuff!"
(stuff is being done)
"So Gilgamesh the Macho you have a very serious wound coming from your neck"
"I'm torn between keeping on fighting--which would be the most macho--and tending to my gushing tick wound..."
"You should heat up something metal and then press it to your neck to cauterize it, then you'd be macho and medical."
"Well the Arduin crit I rolled on you just says 'You die in 3 rounds'"
"I saw Serpentor do that in GI Joe #50 and it worked."
"Well you can't ask for a better authority than Serpentor, I'll give you a saving throw to survive"
"Ok..............(roll roll)..................YES!"
("Who's Serpentor?")
"Ok, so Cobra Commander knew this dentist named Dr Mindbender and....

And that's how it was revealed that Serpentor is a deity of Wessex.


  1. Whenever I think about the Nine Worthies of the Middle Ages, I think about Serpentor. & about Sgt. Slaughter, mostly. The lost Tenth Worthy.

  2. And to top it off Hargrave created them when he was still using OD&D hit points.

    Player: So what happens next?
    Hargrave: the Phraint swings his two handed sword and crits! He dose 55 points of damage and slices 85% of your leg off. Your gonna bleed to death in 2 M/R's
    Player: 55 points of damage and he bleeds to death in 2 M/R's ? Dave, my fighter only has 4 hp's...
    Hargrave: Hey, He's better off then that Cong I blew away back in 68' in the Drang Valley.

  3. I like how this incident is simultaneously retro (Arduin crits), stupid (Serpentor) and pretentions (*St.* Serpentor). I feel like it really encapsulates the vibe that Jeff has said he's going for with that campaign.