Friday, January 20, 2012

There Is Life After Dangerous Ice Monkeys

Dear players:
This is where you are. You are in the ice maze. I'm sure you remember all about the Royal Fist Monkeys.

This is Brug. Remember Brug? Sam is (was?) playing Brug. Now Brug is an ice statue. If Brug gets knocked over by monkeys, even an Ice-To-Flesh spell is not bringing back Brug.

You are in the Ice Maze because the naturalist Miriya Essik is paying you to capture the ice medusa. This is Myria's home.

Just catch the ice medusa, get her to your boat, and sail for 6 days.

Miriya has promised you 2000 gold pieces each. If you return the ice medusa, she will probably offer you more gold to go find her an even more dangerous monster.

Do you have to do it?

No, you can do whatever you want.

Like what?

Here are some outstanding issues you have created:

This is Connie. You remember Connie? Connie's PC got drunk and..well a lot of things happened that got rolled on a random table. One of them is she got in a jam and prayed to her god that she be not in that jam any more. Vorn answered her prayers.

Only problem is: now Vorn wants something in return...

...some crown. Which one? Vorn says Connie will know it when she sees it and it's hidden somewhere in a fortress or dungeon somewhere in the islands you are now in.

Every day she spends not looking for this crown she will lose a saving throw point. That is bad.

So she has to either look, or find a way to get the quest spell lifted. Vorn is watching.

This is Queen Jayaeleene. You rescued her from the ice maze and took her back to her kingdom of Vrokk (one of the islands). She appreciated that. You are welcome to visit whenever.

However, also visiting her is this here white elf, Gormengeth. He's kind of creepy, frankly.

This is Mandy. She is still hallucinating. Someone might want to try to do something about that before the most powerful and unstable member of the party starts imagining flatworms crawling out of your eyes and tries to mace them.

This is the witch, Frost. She's had a vendetta against Mandy ever since she killed one of her bodies waaaaaaaaaay back at level 2. Last time you guys left the ice dungeon, she was there waiting and attacked...

...with her leopard men. They are vicious and leopardy. They will put you in jeopardy.

Then there's always your home, back west, which you have fled, on account of that skeleton invasion. Who the hell knows what's going on back there now?

And, as always, there's the whole rest of the planet to check out. Click to enlarge and be even more confused.


  1. A little off topic, but since you mentioned Mandy and Vornheim I thought I'd post to ask you this question. Have you continued recording the I Hit It With My Axe series and been posting it somewhere else? Was a big fan when you guys were on the escapist and would like to see a continuation of it somewhere. If not (which would make me very sad) Do you have any other D&D campaigns being recorded and uploaded, or know of any good one's others are making? Thanks for your time.

  2. @xanderhunter

    we have several more episodes recorded but have not put them up anywhere yet as we are waiting for a site that will make a good home for them. join the i hit it with my axe facebook page to hear developments as they occur

  3. Brilliant world map. I'm assuming Powerslave Land is at war with Roger Dean land.

  4. Last time you guys left the ice dungeon, she was there waiting and attacked... with her leopard men.

    Well she can't do that again... that would be double leopardy. (I realize you basically made this joke already, I don't care.)

  5. Hey, my character just rolled that same result on the carousing table. The quest from a god result might be my favorite on the table. Now when this thief isn't trying to recover this talisman, he suffers uncontrollable fits of laughter. Makes his chosen profession difficult at times.

  6. That world map seems to have spawned some new locations since the last time we saw it - any chance we could see the Legend?

  7. My players have never listened to me when I tell them they can always abandon a quest to go do something else.

    No matter how bad things get they insist on seeing things to the end. I'm mostly fine with this but I wouldn't mind if they just spontaneously traveled about a little more.

  8. Sweet map, although the idea of the Hyperalimentary Republic of Pacmanistan SE of Vornheim is worrying.

    Any idea who the artist is for the two pictures to the top-right?

  9. I am definitely stealing that map idea. Talk about a wonderful art project!

  10. Is that some Dark Tower north & north-east of Vornheim? Great book, that Vornheim, btw.

    I find your maps/art overwhelming. Good for inspiration, (for me) too confusing to figure out what's actually going on at the table. Need something more spaced out with clear connections. Blobs connected by lines works. Offering, in case any of your other readers a like me.

    A point, I believe we are both making, is you don't need to map out every bloody hex/detail. Just the big and / or cool stuff. Rest can be filled in from improv, player sheenanigins, random tables if needed.

  11. @norman

    I would have thought this would have been brutally obvious but this is not a functional map that I use to DM or an attempt to clearly explain geography to anyone. It is merely a sketch of the vague notions PCs have of what's in the various parts of the wide world.

    It has not changed at all

    @chris @norman @martyem
    your questions about what's on the map are answered in the previous post which includes this map called Everything I Know About The World or Wnat I Know About The World or something.

  12. this makes excellent reading. thanks for sharing it.

  13. "...leopard men. They are vicious and leopardy. They will put you in jeopardy."
    I laughed out loud at that, at work. :D

  14. Not to mention, I want to go find my parents when we get a chance. I have a serious bone to pick with them for traveling in time and assaulting me and my friends and all.