Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Blindheim > Bullywug + Cambion, Heavy

Still redoing the monster manual...


Page 35 of the 5th ed Monster Manual brings us to the bullywug, a boring petting-zoo-people reskinned goblin which should not exist. They should be replaced with the blindheim, from the old Fiend Folio. It's a frog guy and it looks at you and you go blind because they looked so fucked up.

They are a kind of Slaad--the gods of frogs--and come in all sizes and kinds--any sufficiently pious frog or toad (they aren't biologically distinct) can be transformed into a blindheim via acts of consequential service to their kind.

There is one good detail in the 5e bullywug entry. So they hang out with trained frogs, including giant ones--this isn't the good detail, this is a stupid thing that D&D always does but decent fiction writers and films almost never do where they lump together similarly-derived zoomorphic monsters in a way that would appeal to like a toy collector but in practice only ends up diluting the effectiveness of the archetypal images involved--the good part is that they use the giant toads' gullets to carry stuff, including people. I'm gonna have goblins do that.


The Cambion in classic demonology is like a changeling baby but with succubusses (which is more fun to say than succubi). Ever since at least the original Monster Manual 2 it has always grown up to be yet another generic horned devilperson that can do things like charm or poke you with a spear.


Their conception is according to at least one source weird:

1. Succubus fucks guy, gets cum.

2. Succubus gives cum to incubus.

3. Incubus puts cum in human woman.

Between steps 1 and 2 and steps 2 and 3 there are several intriguingly tasteless adventure hooks or hentai plotlines. The only interesting thing I found in research about it after it's born is that it's extremely heavy.


Cambions are not found as adults--as adults they either become full-on demons or grow into tieflings (so you can have PCs whose "parents" are succubusses which is fun). As an encounter, what you get is a gross child between 1 second and 5 years old--generally a punishment for excessive lustfulness.

The Cambion has a fuckton of hit points (82, like it says in the book) and good AC (19, like it says in the book) it bites for like d8+4 damage with its creepy teeth but its main gimmick is heaviness.

It gets heavier the longer it's in one place or in contact with a given creature, and cannot move except of its own volition.

The goes in for the kid-grapple (I would say it charms you into a hug, but I already used that for lava babies)  crawls onto you, begins to bite, and each round grows heavier--the first round it requires a strength save of 18 to stay upright, then 20, then 22 etc. All the while it exerts pressure on the floor equal to an attack with a strength equal to the save--shattering wooden planks, then stone tile, until it begins to be so heavy it will actually pull you into the ground, through all the dungeons of the earth, and down to hell to meet its parents.


  1. Blindheims should have a significant demographic that were formerly Suriname toads, haha.

  2. I always thought the tiny frogmen riding giant frogs was cute. Maybe in actuality the giant frogs are secretly motivated by their lust for ponyplay. Well frogplay in this case.

  3. I liked the 13th Age riff on frogfolk..

  4. RE: Bullywugs. One of the things that has always been a pet peeve of mine with D&D is that it has all these different humanoids that all seemed to evolve on the same planet. Even tho that bugs me I like having all kinds of weird humanoids for various thematic reasons but I blame their existence on magic. This village started worshiping a frog god so they turned into frog people, that warband was so vicious & cruel they were turned into dog people by the gods etc. Monster Manuals should just have a generic entry for these guys called Mooks or whatever. That should include a list of themed special abilities like; Insect & frog people can begin combat outside of melee range, leap, attack from the apogee & land outside of melee range.

    1. Same planet, different planes of existence (feywild, feydark, plane of shadow) Even Elves are assumed to be Feywild refugees.