The Eminent Man of Role-Playing Games

The eminent man of role-playing games was as eminent, perhaps, as any man living in role-playing games, and more drunk than me. He wore--like all men of role-playing games of a certain age and eminence--a hawaiian shirt, and had--like all of them--big facial hair.

"You look like a man I should know!" He said, leaning on a wall and pointing with a big finger.

"Yeah you should!" I said.

He took me in, with what he judged to be an appropriate level of skepticism, "Some people are children their whole lives," he said "is that you?"

"Look. Who the fuck. Is talking," I said.

He roared: "I like this guy! Let's get you a drink!"

He rolled through the crowd. It was loud, so I had to shout: "How's your party?". He shrugged silently and made round eyes. All around were people who loved the games he invented--they seemed very happy.

We went to his bartender, she went "I'm cleaning up, sorry."

With the stagey secrecy of Dennis the Menace stealing a cooling pie, he reached over the bar and took a Red Bull. I said: "You ever have one of these? It tastes like crushed Smarties," he shook his head no and I found him a bar that was still open.

He reeled all night, lightly chaperoned, from room to room.

He asked me: "Have you ever done heroin?"

"No. But I've been cast as a drug addict in every movie I have ever been in."

"I have done every drug there is! And I'm still alive!"

"You are."

"You know what the secret is?" he asked, wobbling and waving at all of us listening in his delirious hawaiian shirt and big facial hair, "Moderation!"

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