Monday, August 30, 2010

I Challenge Your Kung Fu!!!!!

Ok, crowdsourcing a random table was fun, so here's this:

It's 1:36 pm.

My TMNT/Mutant Future game tonight starts at 5-6pm.

That gives y'all between 4 and 5 hours to meet my:

Y.D.I. KUNG FU CHALLENGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finish this random table of kung fu moves, the more responses, the larger the die I roll on the table.

Range of damage should be suitable for combatants with approximately 15 hit points, give or take.

This table will get used on the porn stars in the bleak mutant wasteland tonight.

(Addendum: I really like the ones people have been posting--especially the ones with extra dice "minigames" attached.)

I'll start it off....

1. Golden Monkey Hook Strike: Leap into the air, hook leg around target's neck, land on the ground and attempt to crush trachea. D6 hp + endurance roll to avoid d6 choking damage plus target is on the ground and grappled.


  1. Is that The Seven Golden Vampires? Good choice!

    2. Ascending Mountain Fist: You run up the target's body, leap off their shoulders, flip, and bring both fists down on either side of their head. 2d4 damage, target is deafened for one round, and must make an toughness-type roll to avoid being stunned for a round in addition.

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  3. 3. Rising Dragon Fist*: You unleash a mighty rising uppercut that lifts both yourself and your opponent off the ground. 2d6 damage and a 5% chance of setting the opponent on fire, but you land with your back to the opponent, giving them the initiative if they can make an agility-type roll to land on their feet.

    *I know, I'm sorry.

  4. 4. Vorpal Cosmic Mountain Qi Strike: You sink into post stance, with your weight on both legs, your hands in front of you as if hugging a tree, and your eyes half-closed. Shifting your weight onto your right leg and turning slightly right, your right hand moves up to eye level, summoning the elemental power of Vorpal Cosmic Mountain Qi. Roll under every attribute on d20: For each roll you get, the bolt of Qi does 1d6 damage. If you miss the roll on more than two attributes, the Qi damage hits you-- otherwise it hits your foe!

  5. 5. Fox in the Hen House: You run stealthily along the ground, getting a free movement action to position yourself, & then let loose a dervishing swarm of blows-- pinch fingered hand strikes & sharp toe jabs. You attack every enemy within reach for 1d4 damage, plus on the roll of a four, that target is blind for one round.

  6. 6. Four Serpents Strike: Duck and weave to deliver precise blows to pressure points, attempting to disable arms and legs. D4 HP + dexterity-type roll to avoid being paralyzed.

  7. [Postscript to 4: If you take the damage, and it's enough to kill your character, you can choose to have your fist explode instead, for half the damage. If you don't take the damage, you strike the opponent with the Vorpal-Cosmic-Mountain-Qi hand, and discharge the bolt of Vorpal Cosmic Mountain Qi.]

  8. 7. Flayed Dog Stigmata: You use the pain of your wounds, steeling your resolve with bloody minded revenge. Using the parts of your body that have been traumatize, you strike out, leaving symbolic marks-- a bloody hand print or kiss, for instance-- that begin to burn. Your enemy takes one point of damage for every point of damage your character currently has.

  9. 8: Leaping Enemy's Harsh Lesson - as your opponent attempts a flying kick, dodge to the side, grab their leg, and swing them round, smashing them head-first into the nearest wall, tree, or other hard object. 2D6 damage, and opponent must roll endurance to avoid being stunned for 1D4 rounds.

  10. 9. Typhoon Storm Attack: Your hands become a blur as you strike your opponent again and again. Your first hit does 1 point of damage. Then roll a d10; if the number you roll is more than the damage you have done so far with Typhoon Storm Attack, you do another point of damage, then roll again. Continue until you roll equal to or less than the damage caused.

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  12. 11. Diamond Bright Arms: Take deep breath and hold, channeling qi into both arms, making them rigid and hard. They can now be used to sunder weapons, smash through armor, etc. (Use appropriate dice for damage according to system.) Effect last as long as you can hold your breath.

  13. 12. Double Whooping Crane Kick: You unleash a snap kick to the jaw followed by an acrobatic crescent to the temple that causes an extra d6 damage and causes your foe be stunned and blinking confusedly for the following round. Carry on.

  14. 8. Scream Off: You contort your body into an intense pose and put on your war face before screaming at the top of your lungs. Your opponent is compelled to match and follow suit. Both you and your opponent will stay in this position until you roll doubles at the start of your turn or are attacked.

  15. 8.Cymbals of the Monkey: Slam both hands either side of the opponent's head, he takes 2x Str. On critical, his head explodes.

    9. Slashing Palms. You run past your opponent slashing at him with a single attack of your palm. he takes 1d6 damage. On 6 he loses a limb.

  16. 10. Shattering strike: You take a wide step as if mounting a tiger, sinking your meridians into the earth. You reach out with a fist of adamantium and shatter one equipped item, weapon or armor, of your opponent. If the opponent is unarmed, your blow does 2d6 damage.

  17. (Sorry for the similarity to "Shattering Strike"... didn't see that.)

  18. (I don't know what number we're on now)

    Walled City Laundry Day: You get in close, and use your clothing to tangle your opponent's limbs. Roll 1d6:
    1-3: Your opponent is immobilised for one turn.
    4-5: Your opponent is immobilised for 1d6 turns.
    6: Your opponent is immobilised for 1d6 turns and takes 1d6 choking damage.

  19. Lightning Vengeance Strike: You sidestep your foe's clumsy fist, grasping the wrist then reversing their elbow, causing the bone to snap like a dry twig and tear through their skin in a red spray. Their arm is useless until healed. Brutal.

  20. Rising Hammer-Feet Leap:

    You perform a standing backwards handspring, catching your opponent's chin with the balls of your feet with enough force to lift them bodily into the air. 2d4 damage and your opponent is knocked off balance.

  21. The Game of Death: You taste some of your own blood (if uninjured, roll again), and are driven into a berserker rage. You may fight on past 0HP, until all foes have fled or been defeated. If at below 0HP at the end of the fight, you collapse, and may die if first aid is not applied.

  22. 20. Iron hide: You gain 3 points of damage resistance for 1d6 rounds.

  23. Monsoon Bouncing Kick

    You fall towards your opponent, and kick down at them, pushing yourself back into the air. Repeat as long as possible.

    After each kick, make a opposed Dex check. If you win, make another kick and repeat. Once you lose, you fall to the ground. Your opponent takes 2 damage per successful kick.

  24. 11. Flipping the Crane (i.e. a bird)

    Run toward the opponent and jump/flip over her head, grabbing said head on the way over. A successful strike flings the opponent head over heels for 1d6 meters. Upon landing, take 1d4 damage and check the following table.

    1-2 No additional effect
    3-4 Breath knocked out of you. Stunned for 1d3 rounds.
    5 Land on head. Roll against whatever counts for toughness to remain conscious. If fail, then unconscious for 1d4 minutes. If success, then stunned for 1d3 rounds.
    6. Break bone of GM's choice.

    If the throw results in being thrown into or through something durable (a wall, a vehicle, etc.) then add 2 to the d6 roll.

  25. To be clear about Flipping the Crane, the one affected by the table is the victim, not the person making the strike.

  26. Wuchang's Inevitable Fist: Your attack disrupts the opponent's life force. You do 1d4 damage, and if the opponent survives the fight, they must make a toughness-type roll every morning from then on. If they fail a roll, they drop dead.

  27. #25: Path of the Celebratory Hooligan: Your skull becomes a deadly weapon. You may either:

    - Use your head as a hammer against another's skull, for 1d4 damage and a 25% chance of missing further attacks due to double vision. This effect lasts a number of rounds equal to the damage roll.

    - Headbutt an arm, causing it to release what it held and 1d4 damage.

    - Charge head-first into the ribs, causing 1d6 damage and moving the opponent backwards a number of feet equaling the damage times five (if there is an object in the way in stops them).

  28. One Ton Puch:

    Your entire body uncoils behind your fist, which strikes your opponent center of mass, with enough force to fling them several feet through the air.

    Make a strength check against your opponents dex. If you are successful, your opponent takes 2d6 damage and is thrown backwards 15 feet. If you fail, your opponent gets a free basic attack.

  29. 27. Granny Bao's Shopping Expedition

    Seeking a flavoring for Granny's soup pot, your fingers trace the foe's abdominal ridges, seeking a weak point. With the swiftness of the fish you pierce the skin and draw forth a random giblet, doing 2d4 damage.

    1. pancreas
    2. spleen
    3. appendix
    4. clump of belly fat
    5. piece of liver
    6. Lethal tumor!? You just saved me!

    You may then either taunt the opponent with the giblet, causing a morale check, or fling it at his or her eyes, causing blindness for 1 combat round if you successfully hit.

    The move does not work against opponents wearing abdominal armor.

  30. Enlightening Strike: You strike your opponent twice, once to the forehead, once to the chest above their heart. No damage is done, but the opponent loses all desire to fight. Roll a d6:

    1-2: The opponent wanders away from the scene of the fight with a big pacific smile on their face.
    3-4: The opponent sits down on the spot to contemplate the perfection of the cosmos.
    5-6: The opponent joins you against their former colleagues.

  31. "We taught him wrong as a joke..but it seems to work anyways"

    You deliver a vicious facebutt to your opponents fist. Both you and your opponent take 1d6 damage, but your opponent cannot use any punch attacks next round as they cradle their throbbing hand in pain.

  32. emailed by michael haskell...

    29. The Cock at Dawn: Lighting-fast combination. You jab your opponent's genitals (or similarly sensitive spot if its mutations are pretty far out there) and bring both hands up as his/her/its eyes/stalks widen in pain. Grab both eyelids or similar coverings and yank up and out for all you're worth. Causes full normal damage, double temporary or stunning damage, and causes opponent to be -4/-20% at perception skills/checks/etc.

  33. Enlightening Strike! That's pretty frakkin' hilarious.

  34. I think this one is #30.

    "Epic Destiny Unfurls Like a Scroll Listing the Names of the Dead"

    Construct an I Ching hexagram, either by using this website or casting your own coins/yarrow stalks. Your opponent does likewise.

    Compare the two hexagrams. Each broken line represents a strike, each solid line a block. All damage is dealt in the space of a single combat round and not even the loss of all hitpoints mid-hexagram will prevent this, for destiny has decreed the results of this battle.

    Once the hexagrams have completed, the player then consults their meanings. She then has 30 seconds to spew some cockamamie BS about how either her trigram positively affects the rest of the PCs during the fight or negatively affects their opponents.

    Any phraseology which uses the word "grasshopper" results in immediate, disastrous failure, but if the player manages to spout something believable and Asian-sounding (such as a Zen koan, or speaking entirely in Haiku) it should be met with resounding success.

  35. 30. This Burning Heart

    This strike takes one combat round to prepare, after which attacker charges and strikes with an open palm to the chest of the victim, doing 1d4 of normal and 1d2 of fire damage. In addition, the victim must make a willpower save (or whatever closest stat is) or get a catchy song of the GM's choice stuck in her head for 1d6 hours. The victim, thus afflicted, is at -2 to any intelligence tests made during this period.

    Suggestion, based on the title: "This Burning Heart" by Vandenburg.

    You could also force any player to actually view this You Tube video:

  36. Remembrance of the Revered Ancestors and Lamentation for Future Offspring (d4, d6 and 2d10)

    Roll d4:

    1 Foot to groin for 1-6 damage

    2 Knee to groin for 3-8 damage

    3 Elbow to groin for 2-7 damage

    4 Fist to groin for 1-6 damage

    Immediate effect, Recipient:

    1 vomits remains of last meal for 1 turn.
    2 is unconscious for 1 turn.
    3 gasps for breath 1 turn.
    4 nothing.
    5 vomits and is unconscious for 2-4 turns.
    6 vomits, gasps for breath and unconscious for 2-4 turns.
    7 curls up into fetal position and moans softly for 1-2 turns.
    8 curls up into fetal position and remains eerily silent for 2-4 turns.
    9 loses any special mental/telepathic abilities for 2-7 turns.
    10 feels no effect for 1-2 turns, then re-roll for immediate effect on this table.

    Recipient also:

    1 can't sit down for 2-4 turns.
    2 can't stand up for 2-4 turns.
    3 can't urinate for 1-2 days.
    4 walks at 1/4th normal speed, can't run at any speed for next d8 turns.
    5 now walks with an exaggerated and highly distracting 'sexy sashay' -2 to the rolls of those around them.
    6 feels invigorated and slightly superior to their companions. they receive 2 temporary hit points and a +2 bonus for 1-2 turns.
    7 becomes overly cautious of anything with legs or arms, including tables and chairs, results in a -2 penalty to rolls versus creatures that possess them.
    8 feels absolutely no desire to engage in future unarmed combat and seeks control of the nearest ranged weapon immediately.
    9 feels okay, but slightly embarrassed.
    10 can't see clearly from the tears streaming from their eyes. -5 to hit or dodge rolls for an additional 2-3 turns.

  37. 31: Your Ancestors Question the Wisdom of Hitting Yourself

    Seize your opponent' s weapon or hand and force it to strike him or her repeatedly about the face. Does the typical damage for the opponent's attack, plus save vs. Charisma or suffer 1d8 humiliation damage.

  38. Whoops!

    Distracting 'sexy sashay' penalty should last 2-4 turns and effects both friends and foes (but not most robots)...

  39. Pacifying Paper Cut

    Attack requires wielding of piece of paper.

    Any hit results in an automatic 0-1 point of damage and causes recipient to drop weapon(s) and clutch injury, ignoring all peril while cursing loudly about the pain, oh, the pain!

  40. I know it's a bit lame but you gotta have
    The Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique:
    Attack five times. Each attack deals one damage but if they all hit, the target can only take five singular actions before it dies.

    The Black Key: Like a knife, you punch through the target's abdomen, twist your hand while grabbing a piece of your victim's liver. Your hand is now covered in black blood. Tasty! +2d6 damage

    Tiger Facial: A series of furious claw attacks wrecks the target's face (roll d6)
    1 Just deep wounds
    2 You leave a cool scar
    3 You leave an ugly scar
    4 You rip your victim's nose off; +d6
    5 Raking one eye out you leave the target half-blind
    6 You hold your target's face while he bleeds and cries; +2 bleed

    Cerebral Stir: A hammer-like strike to the head makes a mess (roll d6):
    1-2 Target becomes delicate and will immortalize you in a poem if s/he survives.
    3 Target starts laughing and can't stop it.
    4 Target starts crying and can't stop it.
    5-6 You destroy the target's sense of humor.

  41. @Pekka

    Cerebral Stir: 5-6, destroy the target's sense of humor.

    Yikes! That is some serious fu!

  42. 39. Honorable Crippling Ferret: Roll to hit once for each of opponents fingers until a failure--this number of fingers is broken.

    40. Strike of 10,000 Inconceivable Leopards: Target is moved into path of some other strike in the melee--takes damage as the intended target.

  43. game hasn't started yet. gimme 59 results total and i'll have a (d6-1)first column d10 second column table

  44. La Coronación:
    It is unknown what country this strange technique originated in, but the attacker must have a significant (3' or more) height advantage over his opponent (usually by climbing a nearby rock, table, friend or loved one).

    The attacker challenges a foe who must succeed at an opposed willpower-type check or be stunned by the attacker's magnificence. A success on this check indicates that if they survive the attack, they have a chance to counter. Both the player and character must shout "Laaaaa coronación!!!" when the dice are rolled.

    The attacker leaps as many feet as she would if she had a running start, corkscrews her body, and lands feet-first in the opponent's face. This attack deals 2d6 damage, and the opponent must succeed at a moderately-difficult Strength check or be knocked down. The attacker is automatically prone.

    As an additional side effect, victims of this attack feel compelled to handle it mano-a-mano, one on one, with the attacker. This effect is broken if any of the attacker's allies engage the target with anything other than harsh words.

  45. Not In The Face, Not In The Face: A defender may redirect an aimed attack to any other hit location with a successful willpower check.

  46. The Honorable Mention of Wung Chi-Yung:
    Make a basic unarmed attack against an adjacent opponent at less than 50% HP after anyone on the battlefield has been killed by a technique on this chart.

  47. The Graceless Defeat of Chu Bak-ka:
    When reduced to less than 10% of HP, rip both opponents' arms out of their sockets.

  48. Sticks and Stones:

    Go into the Sticks and Stones stance or roll again. While in the stance, you gain Vulnerability 3 to all bashing damage, but a total immunity to fear, intimidation, taunts, tests of will, and a hefty bonus to opposed willpower checks until you end the stance.

  49. The Surreptitious Sidearm of Din Mak Chow:
    You must have a firearm no larger than a pistol, or at DM's discretion, something wicked awesome.

    Roll again, then describe how you work the weapon into the maneuver. Deal your sidearm's damage in addition to the martial arts move.

  50. The Smack of Stifled Senses

    0-1 damage on a hit, plus:

    1 Sight: Eyes, blinded by tears for 2-3 turns.
    2 Sound: Ears, deafened by ringing sound for 2-4 turns.
    3 Smell: Nostrils stream mucus, lose ability to sense odours for an hour.
    4 Touch: Numbness down left or right side, dropping whatever object is in that hand and causing -5 to attack and damage rolls for 2-4 turns.
    5 Balance: Inner ear damage causes -4 to movement and -2 to hit/dmg rolls. Echo-location ability is lost for 5 turns, as is ability to fly.
    6 Temperature: slight reddening spreads over body causing increasing heat discomfort. Increasing sweatiness causes -2 to hit/dmg rolls and movement. All items of clothing need to be removed before victim feels normal.

  51. 47. Lightning and Thunder Fists of the Immortal Stooges

    This strike consists of a series of two attacks in a row. Both must be successful in order to achieve full effect (the second attack has some special effects).

    Attack 1 (Lightning Fist): The attacker makes a leaping attack, striking from the above at the eyes of the target with two forked fingers. If successful, roll on the following table:
    1-3 Target takes 1d4 damage to the head.
    4-5 Target takes 1d5 damage to the head and is blinded for 1d3 rounds.
    6. Target takes 1d6 damage to the head and is blinded for 1d3 minutes.

    Attack Two (Thunder Fist): With this attack the target is struck with a hammer fist on top of the head, requiring a roll on the following table:
    1-3: Target takes 1d4 damage to the head and is stunned for 1d3 rounds.
    4-5: Target takes 1d5 damage to the head and is stunned for 1d3 rounds and deafened for 2d6 minutes.
    6. Target takes 1d6 damage to the head, is knocked out for 1d6 minutes, and is permanently deafened.

  52. Breathe of Battle

    Chewing gum allows for:

    1 Minty! An increased mental focus, and additional +2 to hit for 2 turns.
    2 Cinnamon! Opponent's eyes water, -2 to their to-hit rolls this turn.
    3 Bubblegum! Addition 'pop' of bubble does 2 dmg to opponent's eardrums. Allies in hearing range of 'pop' gain a +1 to rolls.
    4 Abscessing gums! Foul smell makes opponent recoil with a -5 to their rolls whenever fighting this chewer.

  53. 49. Crab Claws of Dismissive Separation

    On a successful attack, roll a d6:

    1 Finger (GM chooses)
    2 Hand (heads Left, tails Right)
    3 Arm (heads Left, tails Right)
    4 Foot (heads Left, tails Right)
    5 Leg (heads Left, tails Right)
    6 Head

    This extremity is instantly severed from your opponent's body.

  54. 50. Last Laugh of the Victorious

    The character makes use of an improvised weapon or the scenery around them to deal a devastating blow to their opponent. If the player can think of a suitable 80's Action Movie post-mortem one liner related to the attack, your opponent automatically dies.

  55. 51. The Inevitable Fist. You must spend several rounds (D3) preparing and focusing your mind to use The Inevitable Fist. Once you are ready, during your next attack (f you hit successfully), your fist separates from your wrist and vanishes. Your opponent laughs and thinks they have won, but you know the secret: at some time within the next 2D4 days your fist WILL return, dropping onto their heads from orbit with the speed and weight of a ten-ton asteroid, obliterating them and everyone else within a 12-mile radius instantly. One use only, fist will never grow back. High level technique. Does not work with bionic fists, hooks, or whatever else you've got on there.

    52. The Infinite Pedal-Kick. Make a leap attack towards the enemy. If successful, enter the Infinite Pedal-Kick loop, during which you hover just in front of the opponent's chest, kicking them repeatedly for 2D4 damage each turn (automatically hits). This attack forces the enemy backwards each turn if they take damage. You must make a check to maintain your focus on hovering and kicking to allow you to move with them, otherwise you fall to the ground prone.

  56. 51. Reminder of Intestinal Regret

    Your blow forcefully ejects the contents of your opponent's stomach. They lose 1d4 rounds due to vomiting and nausea.

  57. 54. One Thousand Resplendent Suns

    The amplified sound of your blow's impact echoes in slow motion. All remaining characters (enemy or friendly) in the initiative queue lose their turns, awed by your martial arts might.

  58. 55. No One Can Defeat My Exposition-Style Kung Fu

    In a pause in the action, you explain the benefits of your style to your opponent. You may keep this up for as many combat rounds as you wish and neither you nor your opponent may attack (save vs. monologue ends). When you finally break the exposition, you gain +X bonus to hit and damage where X=number of rounds spent previously in exposition.

  59. 56. FINISH HIM!

    Your opponent is dazed by your attack. Make another attack. If you hit your opponent is killed in an absurd, yet gruesome way. If you miss, your opponent keels over prone (but without losing any more hit points).

  60. Venus Butterfly Entanglement: The punch/kick appears to just miss. Target stops to smirk and perhaps toss off a caustic remark concerning the quality of one's prowess -- and then stops as they suddenly explosively orgasm, as overloaded nerve fibers from every erogenous zone catch up and deliver a debilitatingly pleasurable experience, perhaps never to be matched again. Target simply unable to perform any action for 1d6 minutes and anything they were in the middle of fails. Much embarassment.

  61. I know its Japanese not Chinese but...

    Urusei Usagi No Ken! (or Fist of the Annoying/Crazy Rabbit).

    The martial artist leaps into the air, giving an appearance of the intention of coming down onto their opponent feet first. The attacker misses, purposely overjumping his intended target. Upon landing, the attacker crouches low, spins to sweep the legs of his enemy and than leaps up to upper cut the falling foe.

    Originated in an a heavily houseruled Oriental Adventures type game I ran in the early nineties.

    Ain't I a stinka?

  62. 57. Gratuitous Golden Masquerade Technique:

    Leaping upon a prominent, elevated object, and striking a pose with arms outstretched in a threatening gesture, a number of duplicate arms emerge from behind you, each wielding a a different weapon or displaying a different technique of attack! Then, as you tumble off the object, the arms are revealed to belong to a number of duplicates of yourself who then engage each individual enemy themselves.

    Prerequisites: Must be masked, cloaked, Batman, or otherwise disguised.

  63. Story Of Mortality

    1d4 damage on hit - Through a series of small but forceful single-finger attacks directed at the opponent's face, you print a message onto that enemy's face. If the enemy looks into a mirror between this attack and his death, the cause of his inevitable death will be revealed to him in the message.

  64. #59? Sorry if this is too late, but hopefully you can use this for the next kung-fu battle. Hell, I think you can get this up to 100! :D

    Your Kung-Fu Is No Match For Mine

    Your attack does d4 damage (a rap to the head). If you stay within melee range of your current opponent, you may take a free action to counter any attack they make, dealing the same amount for each extra rap on the head.

  65. Granny Bao's Shopping Expedition & Enlightening Strike are my pick for the "winners." Well plaid, friends!

  66. If this keeps going:
    You Have Shamed Your Ancestors
    You and your opponent both emit powerful battle cries, calling forth the most devastating techniques in your respective arsenals. Just before contact, you miss as your opponent is yanked out of the way... you see a older woman, clearly your opponent's mother, hauling your foe out of the fight and off into the distcance by their ear, berating them for "playing rough with those no-good hooligans again" and wondering why your foe cannot "be more like their sister and go to a good school."