Saturday, October 16, 2010

Stupid DM Tricks

Got a game tomorrow.

I'm going to sleep now.

In the morning I will write a D&D adventure incorporating every single idea you all leave in the comments between now and when I wake up in 8 hours. (noonish Pacific Standard Time).

Then, a few hours later, I will run the girls through it (unfilmed, so no royalties for good ideas). (and please don't be a douche and link to some long thing that's already all written out)

Anyway, have fun.

Good night.

_____

(8 hours later)

Times up. Stop posting. I am getting to work.

49 comments:

Khouni said...

The child is evil!

mordicai said...

The creatures have subtly been influencing the bloodlines/genes/humors of ever child born on the continent with their psychohistory & disease creation.

DarkTouch said...

There is a Fountain of Wonder. The locals all eat a local plant that stabalizes the effect into being a fountain of youth. (They're human but use elf stats). For anyone else who drinks it there is a random potion effect or a random mutation effect that may or may not be permanent.

JimLotFP said...

A small child has a powerful spell (far beyond a level the PCs can use) tattooed on its flesh. The spell is usable as a scroll but the PC's magic-user knows that with this method of spell inscription that using the "scroll" will destroy the child.

The PCs may or may not think that a child's life is worth that kind of power, but rivals have differing opinions on the matter.

Łukasz said...

A PC becomes infected with a disease that is slowly killing her. The only cure is a rare chemical compound that can only be found in the tears of a peaceful NPC race. The treatment is long and a lot of tears is needed to extract enough medicine.

Chris Weller said...

Ettins are small giants that stick the heads of their slain enemies on their bodies, adding their knowledge, personalities and abilities to their own. They fight as the highest level fighter they have absorbed. They can cast spells from the heads of any mages. They can also perform thief skills that do not depend on size. The heads of most clerics will not be granted spells from their deity as the ettin is an abomination.

The native Ettin head has to be a bully to stay in charge.

Doc Johnson said...

The gnoll king has discovered a powerful magic item he can use to influence canines of all sorts. Those dogs you're with... might not really be *with* you, if you know what I mean.

biopunk said...

The orphanage is run by a cult led by a time-traveling High Priestess.

The flail snail in the library knows where the 3 keys are kept to open the doors to the time portal, but won't tell the party until a portrait of the party member with the highest charisma is painted onto it's shell.

The shorter of the two paintbrushes on the lectern is magical. Any representations made of actual objects or creatures using this brush is startlingly accurate in it's likeness.

A child is needed to activate the time portal.

rorschachhamster said...

time bomb!

Doc Johnson said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Doc Johnson said...

From the town of Callas, far to the north, there are rumors of a bard whose lute--an instrument of some odd new type, with six strings--is possessed by some mystical force. Is it evil? Is it good? No one is sure, but it is said that when he plays the sounds are amplified and distorted by the mystical presence, his fingers dance frantically along the neck and across the strings, and the bard's eyes are lit by a mad fire. They say that all the women want to screw him and all the men wish they could be him (and, yes, perhaps some of the men want to screw him and some of the women wish they could be him). The town council, however, is concerned about the effects he is beginning to have on the children. They fear he will corrupt them and lead them away from their gods.

Jarrah said...

Goblin suicide bombers - they drink a potion that makes their own biochemistry explosive and drives them insane. Any save, damage roll, or successful attack roll made by or against these creatures that comes up an even number causes them to explode!

Ursca said...

The disease is carried by a dust stored in eggshells sealed with wax. Great care must be taken to ensure that they do not crack.

Barking Alien said...

Vaguely human-shaped clouds of blue-black inky smoke with glowing white eyes follow the PCs around, always staying slightly out of view and always out of reach. They may disappear completely for periods of time only to reappear at some point later peeking out from somewhere or behind something.

If PCs ignore these strange entities they will continue to watch and follow the PCs with no other effects.

If the PCs attempt to engage them in violent way, the creatures cause the heroes to suffer a constant creepy and unnerved feeling that will get progressively worse, eventually inducing serious paranoia. A mental, will or wisdom based save is needed to resist.

If the PCs attempt to communicate with the creatures, the smoke people with stare at the PCs while they speak and then seem to disappear entirely when the orator finishes. Soon after the PCs will find a small pool or cloud of icy-black smoke on the ground which will clear to reveal a clue, map or similar useful item.

The creatures may or may not return after leaving their gift.

Roger the GS said...

As treasure, a glass eye; a hollow orb of glass, black pupil and green iris on the inside, filled with water. A tiny goldfish swims within.

The eye infallibly rolls in the direction of the greatest amount of gold in a 20 foot radius, if placed on a surface. The goldfish, swimming over to one side, slowly unbalances the eye to accomplish this.

This is important to finding at least one other treasure in the adventure. The eye is naturally in constant danger of breaking.

liza said...

A cute dog... that's something much, much worse.

GrayPumpkin said...

Someone the PC know and like is killed. Murdered, their dwelling has been riffled through, no doubt whomever killed him was looking for something. If they decide to search themselves they may find a hidden compartment the other missed and in it is an odd ancient looking doohickey that is actually a part of greater doohickey. What does it do? And why are people suddenly after them to get it?

Seth said...

The friendly farmer is a sack of skin wrapped around a sentient stirge swarm.

James said...

Natural Disaster! I'm thinking Earthquake, but a Wildfire, Flood or Hurricane might be more appropriate. Preferably, in the midst of a dangerous combat encounter.

Chris said...

* Pogo-stick jousting in a chessboard room.
* King Pellinore hunts the Lolwut? pear.

brink. said...

An obelisk, marbles, and beknighted canines.

Infamous Jum said...

People begin following the divine mandates of a floating, sentient cooked ham.

Matt said...

The flying monkeys are terribly misunderstood, but still quite dangerous.

michael said...

A baby dragon is building a nest so that it may rest and gain its next size and the power comes from the magic items within that nest. It may attempt to steal magic items from the party or will "help" the party find users of powerful magic items so that it can loot the dead for its nest. If the party survives, the dragon may owe them a debt or consider them a threat, depending on the parties actions.

alzrius said...

The real villain behind it all is a shifty-eyed dog.

Tedankhamen said...

And solving the riddle all depends on your etiquette when having tea with the old sage.

Cole said...

A charlatan impersonates a wizard by keeping a small, magical gnome-like creature in a cage he wears under his large hat. He gained immunity to its magic through riddles or trickery. He holds the creature's wife hostage to keep him in line.

Allen said...

An article of clothing that was thought to be non-magical and ordinary is not only magical, but sentient and has been waiting to reveal itself. Harmful or helpful, I'll leave up to you.

joeskythedungeonbrawler said...

SAVE VERSIS POISON OR YOU MUST
GIGGLE FOR AWHILE.
[1-12 TURNS]

THIS ISF ROM A MONSTER BITE.

kelvingreen said...

All the monsters are a bright, icy blue.

Will you be providing the adventure for the rest of us to download and play?

graey42 said...

They run across an unfortunate person who is being attacked by forces obviously out of his league. Assuming the girls help, it is revealed afterwards that he is a scout/outrider for a tribe of migrating Celt- or German-like barbarians, a tribe that is not exactly known to be friendly or peaceful. The girls must decide whether or not to let him go and what to do, who to tell about the barbarians.

KillJoy said...

Said old sage only talks in limericks.

Feystar said...

There is an extremely powerful enchanted robe belonging to a magic user that the players defeat(your choice as to what bonuses you want it to have), it changes size to fit the wearer and one of the interior pockets is a bag of holding, however it has been made out of the skins of human wizards.

ONB said...

PC's seek advice from a local sage on an upcoming quest. The sage asks them to some from his nargileh of wisdom. When the PC's inhale they awake in a scene similar to the hallucination from the Beavis and Butthead movie.

Some cool descriptions and wandering monsters later...

They meet a talking monkey which explains how he comes from a place called Earth but was cruelly shot into blackness by the dominate race on its planet. He poses a question about the meaning of life, if the PC's answer 42 he will give them the information they seek (and they'll regain consciousness to a dead sage) if not it will attack the party.

When the PC's hit it back, it will explode into dust. The dust will then transform into the guardian of the nargileh (a man-thing like creature).

Upon the final blow the PC's will start free-falling back into the material world where the sage will thank the PC's for curing him of his smoking demon and give them any and all information they require.

Adam Thornton said...

Ass-crack the Jimmy-lich, who is secretly the Choad of Vecna.

The House Azure from The Book of the New Sun (you have read Gene Wolfe, right? you must have), only the khaibit at the focus of the story is crazy. So you can say, with a straight face, "Insane Clone Pussy."

Erin Palette said...

The color of utter evil is not black, but pink. Bright, day-glow, make-your-eyes-bleed Hello Kitty pink. This is the color of ultimate cosmic evil.

Looking at it too long makes you go insane, much as if you had to listen to "It's a Small World After All" for 8+ hours a day. Wearing it brands you a cultist of the worst sort, and is punishable by death... unless of course you're from that small cult village where everyone secretly worships the ancient evil.

Adam Thornton said...

And bonus points for, somewhere in the House Azure, a magnetically-locked door with an irritating puzzle about the order or pattern you have to slide the magnets in, so that the aforementioned ICP, or one of your players, can say, "Magnets? How the fuck does this work?"

Tom said...

Ancestor Spirit of PC time travels to future to warn PC of a Fuck-up of the Ancestor, now coming to fruition, but which is also now suitable for destruction/fixing. Asks/Warns PC to fix the problem. Else further dire consequences to follow.

DukeofOrange said...

a trap which switches the abilities/skills/memories of the PC's for several hours, forcing them to play as each other

Tom Lando said...

Changeling spies working for a colony of high elves found in the freezing polar north!

migellito said...

The players encounter an elderly tinkerer. He has constructed a huge but fragile brass 'instrument' of amazing complexity in his workshop. When fully functional, and properly aligned, the motion of the planet will allow it to slice into the fabric of the universe.

He needs one final bit of information to set it properly - the true name of the city of brass. He wants to hire the players to discover this for him.

Patternwalker said...

An old Kobold Ninja warrior dressed in blood red Samurai armor will appear and help the PCs when they are in a battle for their lives. He will also give the spellcaster an ancient leash of adamantite and potent powers which will help nullify the most aweful powers of the aforementioned shifty-eyed dog.

Menace 3 Society said...

Everyone in the party is assigned (explained by magic or mystery) a color, a verb, a material, and a geometric shape.

All rolls against objects entirely or predominantly of that color are -2. Partly that color, -1. However they can see the color even in darkness or with their eyes closed, reducing the penalties for fighting blind to -0 or -1, respectively.

Any attempts by the character to do the verb cause a change of (roll 1d6): 1: Sex 2: Class 3: Race 4: Languages 5: Warm-/Cold-blooded 6: Alignment, ethics, or sense of right and wrong.

The character cannot be hit or hurt by objects of the material in question. Neither can she touch, pick up, or otherwise things made of the material, as it slips out of her grasp.

When faced with an arrangement of similar objects at the vertices of the geometric shape, anything they do to one will automatically have the same effect of all. E.g. if it's a triangle, moving one chess piece will move all three; hitting one orc in a triangle formation with hurt all three; putting your friends into a triangle formation allows you to heal them three at a time with one spell, etc.

It's up to you whether you want to tell them what the effects our, or let them try and figure it out.

Mandy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Zak S said...

@patternwalker and
@menace

too late.

@doc johnson

My "Must do what I say I'll do" ethic duels here with my "No bards for any reason ever" ethic. He will be relegated to a minor NPC stuffed in an urn in the back of a ditch somewhere.

@Adam thornton

Your contribution cleverly combines things I don't know anything about with things I wish I didn't know anything about. If someone happens to pick up the wrong book on the wrong shelf in the wrong room in the middle of a very boring location they'll probably ignore behind an illusion of a shrub, they might get hooked into this plot. Otherwise I am free. Fingers crossed.

@everyone else

Admirable. You have ruined my saturday.

Patternwalker said...

< Patternwalker kneeling in surf on a desolate, rocky beach, arms raised to the heavens >

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!"

Zak S said...

@dukeoforange

already did that, on one of the upcoming TV games with Stoya. maybe i'll find a way to work it in again, though.

Zak S said...

@adam thornton

cursory internet research on the word "khaibat" has made me decide i like this idea. recalibrating...

mordicai said...

Adam Thornton: Gene Wolfe mashed up with ICP is wonderful & terrible. Insane Clone Pussy is...I want to punch you & then hug you, dude.