Friday, August 10, 2012

Like GMing Cats

Game Time Minus 1 Week

"Thursday, 3 0'clock?"
" there at 6?"
"Hey, there's a chance we'll actually start at 3. Right? A chance? Maybe? Possibly?"
"I'll be there at 6."

Game Time Minus 1 Day

"It's simple: we'll go to Malibu in the morning and then come back and play at 3."
"Uh huh."

T Minus 3 Hours

"We got up late."
"I am shocked. Shock courses through me as it were an infestation of electric eels injected beneath the surface of my frail flesh. You go to the beach and I'll push the game back a couple hours."
"Girls late beach shocking I know blah blah game at maybe 5 maybe"
"Didn't I call it at 6? I said 6."

T-Plus 2 Hours

"Hey. Are the girls here yet?"
"Of course they are not. You could text and ask them where they are and when they're showing up."
"Ok...they are on their way home and say there had better be food."
"Alright. Let my girlfriend know their disappointment with whatever food is here will be precisely inversely proportional to the specificity with which they describe the food they want."
(Despite a 66% lack of glasses. The chart will need to be amended.)

T Plus 3 Hours

"Ok, they are still in Malibu and Frankie's dog is having seizures and they have to take it to the animal hospital."
"Mmmmm....................(terrible thoughts about the dog)........................Well, if they do ever get here, then we can just reheat the pizza anyway. But we aren't playing, I'm thinking."
"Now Izzy and Mandy want to know if I can pick them up on the south end of Sepulveda while Frankie goes to the animal hospital."
"That's...a lot of traffic."
"They want to know if Adam could maybe do it."
"Yes but then if Adam does it, we have to stay here and not do anything else because by asking Adam to do it we are, essentially saying, Yes, Adam, There Is Actually A Game Today And Your Reward For Being A Driving Hero Is We Are Playing And You Are Not Just Transporting Everyone Around For No Reason."
"Here is what is going to happen: they are going to show up and then be all eating and drinking and being tired and talking about dog seizures and you'll go 'So are we playing?' and they'll go 'Yes! We want to play!' and then Mandy will be really tired and it'll be really short and we'll play for like ten minutes and then you'll be like 'Mandy, are you ok?' and then stop."
"Your view has merit. However: I propose an alternate scenario--they arrive, the character sheets and minis and dice are out and there's warm pizza and strong drink: Poured. Ready. We don'thave an intermediate period of decompression, we just sit down and play. It goes."
"Mmm...fair enough."

T Plus 4 Hours

"Have a drink."
"What is it?"
"Whatever that wine you asked for was..Moscato? Here, have a pizza, this is you, let's go. So: you are here, on top of this mountain, the dragon's fortress is..."
"It's Frankie. Frankie is at the animal hospital. She can't drive. Somebody has to pick her up."

T Plus 4.5 Hours

"So: you are here, on top of this mountain, the dragon's fortress is..."
"I'm tired."
"Are we doing this or are we not doing this?"
"We're doing it!"
"We're doing it!"
"Ok... so..."

So the ranger convinces a pterodactyl to fly a monkey to the floating dragon fortress and the monkey ties a rope and the adventurers spider climb up it except with Izzy blindfolded on account of being vulnerable to vertigo.

Then Izzy finds and manually disarms a trap, some grubs get roasted and jackalmen are slain, but only after their cursed knives have inflicted unhealable wounds.


  1. The best actual play account I've ever read!

  2. This is the sort of stick-to-it-ness that I need to apply to my gaming.

  3. Just because I'm laughing doesn't mean I don't feel your pain.

    1. If we ever go to war with the androids and use blogger captcha to ID humans, I'm toast in the first purge.

  4. Frankie needs to get her license.

    1. She has a license but was in no state to drive

  5. chronic sleepy girlfirend syndrome also plagues my games

  6. You could try gaming on the beach....