I was the editor on Veins of the Earth. Here are a few excerpts from the first round of edits, from like 2014 or whatever.
Patrick's text is in italics.
PHANTOM HAND OF GARGAS
"...Hit Dice 5, 23hp, in situ…"
I think you want "immobile" there or something, not "in situ"
"…a chance to fight and die for all mankind. (Save vs Spells)."
"…A cloud of algal backs…"
What's an algal back?
"…If Gargas takes you inside the rock…"
Is this the result of a successful grapple? Grapple--now you're in the rock?
Zax Two Cents
I think the visions meaning nothing is kinda cheap, given how much cryptic stuff that does mean something (maybe? kinda?) is down here in the Veins. It punishes thinking about the clues--which is kinda mean.
Insta death maybe=500xp? Come on.
Zax Two Cents
Ok, so the spore child translations are unreliable. This is only dangerous if people think the translations ARE reliable. But why would they? It's a translation by a creepy dead husk hosting a bulbous parasitic freak. Can you give some examples of how this would actually affect something.
These two sentences seem to conflict:
"Radiolaria will adapt to any blow, spell or tactic, no matter what it is, the moment after it is used"
"The radiolarian gets a save against each kind of attack after the first example. This save starts at 11 on a d20 ad gets one better each time the attack is used, down to a minimum of 2."
A save of 11 isn't THAT good, nor is 8 or 9 or 10. If this is what you mean by "adapt" a party could use the same tactic 4 or 5 times in a row, beat the thing, and never notice it was getting better at resisting.
These names are cool but (unlike the monster names) seem doomed to be forgotten or mispronounced or not pronounced at the table due to their length, exoticism and unclear plurals (if this were a novel, the reader would get used to it, but at the tabletop, only the GM has read the book so ends up going "the Janin oerden…it's like a genie" and the players go "Ok, so the genie…"). Here are some optional alternates if you're not attached. Maybe you are attached, in which case disregard:
Adriælf --from the latin adria meaning dark, Oscælf, Adrælf, Dælf, Drælf, Drælven
Dao= Janin Eorðen
Janeen, Janoerden, Erdgen, Eoridjinn, Eorðjen
Deepgar, Untergar, the original norse is 'Dvargir', Subgnomen
Gignome, Blaugir, Gignomen, Nonmen, Gnonnmen
Also, a short physical description is in order for interested parties who don't know (for instance) what a "dao" or ""duergar" is to begin with. You can't assume total Monster Manuall 2 fluency. Or we need pictures in this section.