Anyone who uses the term "magic tea party" might be a fucking psychopath using a sexist term meant to insult people who customize rules so they suit their game group rather than play by the ones the corporate nerds (the same ones who who paid me to consult on their game) sell them. So be wary of any pronouncements form people like that. Anyway, here are some changes to the rules (consistent ones, that enable complex tactical decisions without incentivizing system mastery wanking) we've found useful. Enjoy:
Hey, guess what? You're a 5th level fighter.
The wizard? That wizard is a "Thaumaturgist". You don't know what that is? Don't worry, that doesn't make you a Big Dumb Fighter--neither does the wizard.
You know what it actually says in that big fancy book with all the squiggles in it the wizard's always carrying around: It's 5th level, you get fireballs! Your cleric? Your 5th level cleric can Hold (that is: kill) a person three times a day, Cure Wounds just as often and talk to motherfuckers who aren't even alive anymore. And the druid? Any minute you won't even have a druid any more, just a fucking bear. Then a bird flying over the fucking battlements, then a bear again.
Point is: it's 5th level and shit is about to get weird, but don't worry, in this fast-paced crazy mixed-up world you have something on your side, even if there are no new special rules for you in your system.
And that is: you're a goddamn 5th level fighter.
Tell your GM that--be like "Hey Clarence, I'm a goddamn 5th level fighter".
That means Clarence is gonna start saying Yes if he isn't already: Do 20s do double damage? Yes. Does that stack with my strength bonus? Yes. Does it stack with my magic sword bonus? Yes. Is this a magic sword? Yes. If I get extra attacks per round can I decide after the first attack who the target of the second attack is? Yes. Can I trip him with just a to-hit roll against dex? Yes. Disarm? Yes. Fighting retreat? Yes. Keep holding this rope with no save even though I just got hit by a fireball? Yes. Can I tell about how many hit points he has? Yes. Can I carry that while I do that? Yes. Do I get a bonus because I'm on a horse? Yes. Do I get a bonus because they're already fighting someone? Yes. Do the troops believe me? Yes. Will they follow me? Yes. Did I intimidate the palace guard? Yes. Can I keep the wizard from casting a spell if I hit him this round? Yes. In every case: if the answer wasn't already yes, it is now. Because you're a goddamn 5th level fighter, ok?
|Shut the fuck up, Rat|