Friday, October 30, 2009
Pictures That Make Monsters Stop Sucking
I drew this thing. Then I realized it's kind like a roper, only not stupid. Now, ropers are still on my list of monsters too dumb to use, but I have to admit, nothing makes me re-evaluate my "do-not-use" list like a good picture.
I'd never use goblins if I thought they looked like these hapless mooks:
So now when there's a goblin I show my players this:
And I feel fine about it.
Here are some other pictures I've found around the internet that rehabilitate lame monsters:
Is that a troglodyte? A draconian? Either way, it's not stupid anymore. Thanks Keith Parkinson!
No matter how hard they try, TSR and WOTC treants all look like log-bumpkin hybrids about to yell "Get off my lawn!". Ian Miller, on the other hand, knows that trees don't care about you at all.
It takes a seriously awesome picture to make a snob like me want to stat up a demon rooster.
This kind doesn't shoot eyerays at you. You just look at it and it's so fucked you go blind.
Continuing on the fiend folio theme...when I saw this able but uninspiring image of the kenku...
...I thought--"Does this game really need budgie men? Does any game need budgie men? Do humans, as a species, even need the concept of budgie men running around in our collective consciousness? What are we, as a society, coming to?"
When then I saw this:
I had no idea it was supposed to be the same monster. I also, for some reason, assumed they were like 8 inches tall and roamed Lankhmar stealing shiny objects from unconscious drunks. So I made some up and that's what they do.
However, if the full-size kenku do come around, I'll have them look like this.
Unicorns aren't so bad, I guess, but now I really want to use one--if David Lynch ever makes a movie about a little girl with a unicorn, this is what the poster'll look like.
This is a Bakezori--a kind of Japanese spirit that posesses an ordinary household item--which is a fine idea for a monsters, but who would've thought you could've pulled it off with a sandal? Well, Shigeru Mizuki, for one. He was right, too. Now you are scared of a sandal.
Now it's tough to beat that, but prepare for the ultimate feat of artistic reinvention. Brace yourself...
Behold: a cool bard.