Playing D&D With Porn Stars and Also The Founder of the OSR and The Head of Lamentations of the Flame Princess

 

Two very short stories from playing D&D last week:

So if you know anything about Caroline Pierce you know...

Wait, let me rephrase, if you know anything about Caroline Pierce playing D&D, you know she has terrible luck. Like: the worst. Dice you should throw away. Whole characters you should throw away.

However, last time she tried out a new set of dice someone gave her. It has always been my feeling that gift dice roll better. These seem to. They have cats on them. She is currently playing an elven ranger named Elaria who is beginning to not be a total fuckup.

Also important to know Kimberly Kane is playing a cleric of the Great Grub--usually worshipped by goblins but there's no accounting for taste.

So the job is this:

It's an investigation. A number of travellers have been found dead along the pilgrimage route to the Cathedral of the Infinite Maggot--the party is asked to investigate and solve the problem.

After a day's travel, they come upon the first corpse, dead on a high branch:

Elaria, being a ranger goes up to investigate.

"The pilgrim appears to be human, it looks like its impaled on a thick branch and then had the skin peeled off in strips on a branch.

"So it's like a giant shrike or something got them?"

"Ummm, yes, pretty much exactly like that."

There's no point in making someone roll when the player skill is just right there.

"What's a shrike?" Michelle asks.

"They do that," says Caroline, "they're birds that kill other birds by impaling them on branches and stuff. The call them butcher birds. I found one in my back yard when I was 5!"

Well that's the end of the investigation part.

"I'm just gonna show you guys the name of the adventure"

--

As you may know, I also play a weekly game with Jeff Gameblog as Referee, two trans gals, a war refugee and Lamentations of the Flame Princess head honcho James Edward Raggi IV, the man who wants to bring you gritty horror solidly grounded in the real world 17th Century.

As usual, if you miss a session it just goes on without you. And I missed last session.

I log in and James looks soooooo excited.

Jeff starts talking--and James goes "Can I tell Zak what we're doing!??"

And I roll my eyes because whenever I'm not around things go real sideways real fast.

"Ok, what are we doing tonight James?"

"We have to go to the moon to mow the lawn!"

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