My D&D book--Red & Pleasant Land is going to arrive back from the printer Thursday or Friday, at which point it will be available to buy from here. It's something like 200 pages Some preview pages...
I was going through my 5th Ed Monster Manual, fixing it up. These entries are grouped under this here tag.
Today's monster, the Animated Object is entirely suitable for a Red & Pleasant Land game, both being pretty Alice In Wonderlandy…
|Click to enlarge|
A good animated object scene is at the end of Willow when Bavmorda or the goat witch accidentally animates the table and it's all wrought iron and creepy.
In addition to the Donald Barthelme passage--which I think is more about the psychology of the psycho wizard who makes animated objects than actual animated objects--I also tried to list off all the good ones:
. Chandeliers: Man, the chandelier is the whole package--attacks from above, crawls around like a big lobster, sets you on fire, multiple attacks including grapples. Don't fuck with chandeliers, man. Still a little goofy though.
2.Teacups on the other hand suck. They're just included because in any situation where stuff starts talking teacups seem to talk a lot. I gave them Int 16. Maybe teacups are smart because they're always listening while people chitchat.
3. Armor: Classic
4. Axe: I figure it has a real big blade and rolls across the floor. That's not too goofy.
5. Lantern: It rolls up, then explodes.
6. Bola: The step over themselves like daddy-longlegs then hurl themselves at your feet as you flee.
7. Clothes: Sounds silly at first but this is actually pretty horror movie if it animates the clothes you're wearing--or your hair.
8. Chain: Another classic.
9. Bottle: It rolls up and explodes, too. Maybe spraying you with glass.
10. Shoes: Again, if you're already wearing them: horror movie. You will pay an executioner to cut off your feet.
11. Jewelry: I figure jewelry is a stealth killer. You find it in some pile of treasure then it waits until you're asleep and rips one of your nostrils open.
12. Belt: Deserves a special mention because it can cut you in half.
13. Rosary: Cheap irony is still irony and iron is fucking metal.
14. Pack of cards: They probably just know stuff--like who won all that gp in the last poker game. Plus paper cuts.
15. Chess set: A stealth killer, like jewelry. They crawl down your gullet if you snore.
16. Orrery: They roll up and grab you like a bear trap.
17. Net (with hooks): a little less goofy than a rug of smothering.
18. Ring: Lose a finger.
19. Glove: Lie low until they make you cast the wrong spells.
20. Stained glass window: The two-dimensional figures strain forward into scraping assassins. Like that scene in Young Sherlock Holmes.