Thursday, October 27, 2011

Clarification

It has come to our attention here at D&DWPS that some readers do not understand about how bards suck. To clarify, here is a diagram (click to enlarge):
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Posted by Zak S at Thursday, October 27, 2011
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16 comments:

  1. This all seems pretty self-explanatory to me.

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  2. On the other hand, maybe singing-as-spellcasting could be interesting. Like a magic-user variant. "If you choose the singing variant, you add your CHA bonus to any roll to influence an intelligent creature; the downside is that you must sing all your spells, so good luck being stealthy."

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  5. Zak, I appreciate the clarification of how Bards suck.

    However, and this is the important part, I have players who want to BE bards, and not just in the "I play a lute for kicks, but primarily kill things" sort of way." So I guess I need to figure out how they fit in. Or kill the PCs. Either way.

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  6. I love Bards and so do my players.

    Wait. Did you mean D&D Bards?

    Oh yes. They do indeed suck. Carry on.

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  7. Theory: Fighters give the fantasy who being a strong badass. Thieves give the fantasy of being a stealthy and clever ninja. Magic-users give the fantasy of controlling the primal forces of nature and shooting electric death from your fingertips.
    All good fantasies.
    But bards give the fantasy of being a rock star who gets lots of pussy.

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  8. @billionsix

    for some people--

    i don't really think wish fulfillment is a very fun part of the game. i like the part where you pick your character because it functions in an interesting way in the little fiction/chess match you are putting together.

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  9. I played a Bard, recently... Had to. I finally updated my computer and now can run Dragon Age: Origins Late to the game, I know. Also a pc game and defiant of the aims of this site, so sorry for this. But I like puzzles, and if you set the game's difficulty to "nightmare," each encounter is a brutal one.

    The Bard has a chant that constantly replenishes manna to the casters and stamina to the fighter. So if you want to slay dragons on nightmare, the casters must both heal and weave in their highest damage spells (use tons of mana.) To keep the dragon off them the fighter must maintain and survive the dragon’s attention. This demands that the fighter equip massive plate to survive (a drain on stamina) and use all their high damage attacks (which cost stamina) to keep the dragon's hostility.

    To my dismay I discovered if I wanted to slay dragons on a real difficulty setting, I must bring the bard.

    The horror... The horror...

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  10. I play a bard. You've got me on the poofy shirt; he's a fop, at least when he's not in disguise. But bards make *great* social manipulators, especially in games with flexible GMs (e.g. - Perform can be any type of performance, not just music).

    I've lead entire enemy squads single-file into lightning bolt ambushes. I once pretended to be the goddess Athena (with her permission), in order to break a siege. I may have only hit the dragon three times, but I made sure that when we fought, none of its lizard men subjects took part. And when we fight the beholder next session, it will be in an open field with lots of allies, not deep within it's trap and bandit filled lair.

    And that's just counting the things that he could do explicitly because he's a bard. He also recently took down a manticore single-handed, in three combat rounds.

    tl;dr: I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome Savinion is.

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  11. So the guy in the middle of this picture, Cavan...

    http://siamfoundation.org/movies/uploaded_images/bestia6-769577.jpg

    He hosts a very popular, very trashy TV show about the occult. He performs exorcisms. His paperback (in bookstores everywhere) includes a ritual for summoning the Devil---and it appears to work.

    Let's say I want to adapt him for D&D. He becomes a courtier to the local prince, a sardonic Master of Mysteries. He has demonstrable magical knowledge and capabilities, but he's able to manipulate people in ways that others are unable to understand. How do I make this work?

    Third edition bard. His Perform skills are all oratory, so he doesn't need an instrument (which would be an obvious tell). Suitable spell choices give him impressive sound-and-light shows, and he has the Knowledge and Use Magic Item skills to further confuse people.

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  12. @temujin9

    @unknown

    do you want me to explain how bards suck despite these things or should we just leave it.

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  13. "I'm not a cat person."
    "Really? Here's a long story about MY cat who is GREAT."

    "I don't care for the Broncos."
    "Let me tell you about when John Elway was really nice to me."

    "Heartbeeps is a miserable movie."
    "Your review was good except where it forgot to mention how hilarious Heartbeeps was."

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  14. (Blogspot seems to be failing at OpenID, today.)

    @Zak: Nah, I'm good. We disagree on Lady Gaga too, and yet the world keeps turning and your blog is still interesting to read.

    @Daniel: Awww. Sorry to hear disagreeing with Zak disagrees so much with you.

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  15. bards can suck less when you have a party of bards. The fun there is mostly driving your DM nuts with writing song titles and/or lyrics based on every situation you encounter.

    Kind of like using Randy Newmann as a weapon.

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  16. Panache? Jesters have panache?! I could get into playing the Woody Allen character from All You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask, but I can't quite imagine such a character being on the same continent as pirates or Cyrano De Bergerac as regards panache. I can't imagine his life span being too long in a D&D game either, but that's a minor point.

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