Since the dungeon originally began at Port Gobelins, they then took him all the way back to the dungeon, reverse-traversed it and popped up back where they started over a years ago, inside the city under siege.
But Here's What I Need Your Help With...
The real chaos came when these long-suffering adventurers, after many battles and negotiations, arrived back in the besieged city and rolled on the Carousing Table. This was the last action of the evening, and here are the results:
-Bleezy the Sea-Elf wizard has a massive hangover (the least of it)
-Bob the Ranger was turned into a pig by a witch on account of lewd advances. (He got better. Bleezy has Remove Curse in old school and in 5e this only lasts an hour, so either way it was temporary).
-Horg the half-orc wizard has offended a local military officer (no small thing in a city under siege)
-Tor the half-ogre barbarian has offended the court wizard (I didn't know Port Gobelins had a court wizard)
-Horg has woken up in bed with the court wizard
-Tor has burned down an entire district of the city and everybody knows (again, no small thing during a siege)
So here's my thought:
While the Carousing Table is a mere chart and the PCs were too black-out-drunk to see any plot or narrative connecting these six events, I am sure there is one. And I am sure it is the seed for next week's adventure.
So, here's the contest:
What happened last night? What Coen Brothers-esque dominoes fell that explains all of this? How does it lead to intrigue in the next session. Best answer gets some free RPG pdf of mine that they don't already have.
If you need background, Port Gobelins is here, on the coast:
...and it looks a lot like Venice and there are little masked goblins running around pretending to be children:
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28 comments:
Actually, it makes perfect sense...
The witch was not offended by Bob's lewd advances. In fact, she welcomed them! It was only after things got interesting that the witch's personal sexual preferences were revealed. She likes pigs.
I mean, she like likes pigs.
Usually it's nothing more than kinky roleplaying with "oink, oink" and a piggy mask, but when you're a witch and you're really drunk, you start getting funny ideas. And anyways, if you turn a ranger into a pig, the pig is still sentient, right? It can give consent, right?
Now, I don't know if Bob the Pig and the witch had sex, or Bob suddenly had second thoughts and refused. But whatever the case, Bleezy had to witness their interaction. And that's enough to make a sea-elf want to get so drunk they'd forget about everything. Which Bleezy did.
Meanwhile, the court wizard of Port Gobelins was having a bad day. It's not easy being the court wizard when everyone you meet goes "Huh, I didn't know Port Gobelins had a court wizard". Yes! Yes, it does! I worked my ass off to get this position! And for your information, a lot - A LOT - depends on me! You people are ignorant asses!
Two of the greater offenders were a local military officer, and a dirty bastard of a landlord who pretty much owns a whole district. Both, admittedly, were people of enough status to give no fucks about what the court wizard thinks of them.
But when you're a court wizard and you get really drunk, you start getting funny ideas.
Like suggesting this big, rude, unpleasant half-ogre barbarian to teach the landlord a good lesson. Supporting the suggestion with some magic. Two birds with one stone, y'know?
Burning the district was a simple misunderstanding of the wizard's desire to see the landlord's status and respectability to go up in smoke.
As for Horg, things went simply and in a relatively innocent way. The military officer ran into the very drunk and very pleased court wizard and made a scene, screaming about all wizards being useless pests and perverts and whatnot. Out of drunken professional solidarity, Horg told the officer to go fuck himself. Which, at this point, was enough to win the court wizard's undying love, or at the very list a one-night stand.
Now back to our heroes.
So an episode where they figure out what they have done?
Bob was being pretty forward with the witch and was turned into a pig for acting like one. The witch was being wingman for the court wizard, who proceed to grumble about their spouse who was also a pig (figuratively) decided to show them a thing or tow and attempted to pick up Tor. Tor, too drunk to get not very subtle hints, turned down the court wizard's advances and stumbled back to their dwelling, leaving Horg as a second choice for the court wizard to pick up/be picked up by the court wizard. Hell hath no fury like a wizard scorned though and they leveled a pretty nasty curse on Tor who's constant bad luck resulted in them setting their dwelling on fire, which set the street on fire, which took out the entire district. The court wizard is married to the local military officer who is mad at both their spouse and Horg now. Military officer is having an affair with the witch and if found this piece of information can help get the party out of the sticky situation.
The dealer in fine silks spiked their drinks ala yennifer from Witcher. Whole point was to subtly maneuver them into getting dirt on the court wizard as they're the one that exiled the dealer to the dungeon in the first place. They've got the dirt since one of them woke up in bed, and the rest of it works as a wonderful smoke screen for the actual revenge plan the dealer started implementing as soon as they were back in town. The witch is the court wizards affair partner (and open secret, but still not something anyone wants talked openly about), the military officer is taking bribes from the witch on behalf of the court wizard. Why do you think certain aspects of the siege are going so poorly? And it looks like poor Tor is really gonna be hung out to dry by EVERYONE with something to lose. Can they figure out all the connections before the dealer closes the jaws of his trap? Do they WANT to? How do they even stop such an intricate web of plots and connections. And a court wizard implies some type of monarch, where do they fall in all of this?
So far these are all great and confusing.
This aren't isolated events - they're a timeline.
1. Everyone is out on the town having a good time; it' a town under seige, and desperation, the prospect of want, the prospect of violence, all adds seasoning to the urge to party. “Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die.” that's 1 Corinthians, OG human condition sort of thing.
2. Bleezy and Bob are the relative innocents here - this is definitely the Horg and Tor show, and let's be honest, they tend to get each other into trouble - both halfies, they have a shared sort of inferiority complex (not to mention getting the stares of the locals) but each has the power to do something about it, one martial, one magical. They're both coming from the same sense of exclusion, and that makes them wild in their cups.
3. During one of their series of pub visits, they encounter the court wizard and the local military official (LMO). Now, the court wizard likes to slum it a bit, walk on the wild side once in a while, and takes in a bit of rough trade - this is widely known. Their reasons are mostly inscrutable but probably the standard sorts of psychological foofaraw.
4. LMO, having encountered the court wizard before on one of their delves, has become a bit simpy.
5. Enter Horg, who is both rough (half-orc) and a wizard (common education), to whom court wizard is immediately drawn. LMO, who has been hovering to angle for court wizard's attention, sees that door closing and decides to do something about it, in hopes of both bringing his evening schemes to fruition and attracting positive attention from court wizard. There is some loose talk, perhaps even some light shoving.
6. Tor doesn't play that, and does some physical things to LMO that are both embarrassing (to LMO) and prompt a larger kerfuffle. Court wizard is outraged at some of Tor's more pointed insults to LMO (an effect heightened by the fact that some of them are true).
7. Horg, seeing the rage mounting in Tor's eyes and knowing what comes next, but not necessarily wanting to miss out on a pleasurable assignation, hustles court wizard away from the mounting destruction. That hustling eventually lands Horg in court wizard's bed.
8. Shit, as it does, goes awry. LMO is incensed and calls in reinforcements, including a friendly witch. Bleezy and Bob try to stop Tor before they can ramp up to whatever shitshow is about to occur, but fail - witch turns Bob into a pig, while Bleezy is already so drunk that their attempts to calm the situation result in the opposite effect. Bleezy leaves off of trying to calm Tor down (that boat has sailed) and instead tries to aid their friend Bob with the curse.
9. Tor acquires a lit torch.
10. The expanding contretemps between Tor and LMO, now numbering a couple dozen participants, spills into the street.
11. Tor's torch finds itself in some unfortunately flammable places (sometimes purposefully, mostly not, although the latter fact is largely lost on the scorched citizens of Port Gobelins) and due to the siege, the drunkenness of the locals, and various other unluckiness, the fire gets loose.
all I can think of is that Tor insulted the court wizard so badly that they went off crying, Horg, being slightly more kind than Tor, went to console the wizard and one thing lead to another. Tor, meanwhile, was irate because they were actually trying, drunkenly, to proposition said wizard, and when seeing that their party member succeeded where they failed, they burned the port down out of spite.
the guy turned into a pig? remember the wizard duel from Sword in the Stone? similar situation, only the contest was to see if you can turn the other person into something. The PC deep in their cups, forgot that they had no such magic, or was drunk enough that they thought they did have such magic.
Quiz game night at a goblin tavern, the PCs all were on a team vs other teams.
One team was local witches and wizards (smarty pants)
Another team was city officials (also smarty pants)
And the player characters did not know how contentiontious this quiz night was going to be when they spur of the moment entered their team to compete.
Bleezy was plied with far too much her favorite drink (one of the witches was psychic and sneaky)
Bob the ranger was polymorphed when he went to the loo (the witch strategically left for the water closet as well, polymorphed bob, then accused him of lewd advances to cover her cheating tactics - the barkeep knows the spell only lasts a little while and also loves when animals are in the tavern)
Horg got a chance to answer a question another team fumbled, and got it right - utterly humiliating a racist military officer who was on the city official's team - "a half-orc was better than me?!?!? I'm a goblin, I'm the best!!!"
Tor blew a massive fart and/or laughed loudly and the wind carried from this and blew away the fancy smoke rings and delicate smoke-spheres the court wizard was blowing - which enraged him, he was going to blow those smoke rings away with his own fart!!!
Horg later blew an even louder fart later that evening, impressing the court wizard, who loves foul wind and all the nefarious uses it can be applied to.
Tor, feeling shown up - struggled and summarily succeeded in blowing a larger fart, which caught the flame from a fancy drink and caught the bar on fire - goblins and player characters all flew around the flaming tavern in a crazed panic - as the fire consumed the goblin liquors it grew and grew, and while the madness raged on, the fire grew until it burns down an entire district of the city - since there was a ton of intellectual goblins in attendance, the city knows some smarty pants adventurer types burned down the tavern district with a gigantic flaming fart and ruined quiz night.
@unknown
sorry--no anonymous comments allowed
How long does it usually take you to prep your sessions?
@Ecowatcher
Depends on:
-Who is coming
-What we're about to start
-What we just finished
Sometimes it takes no time at all, sometimes all day, depending what I got planned (if anything).
I do love it that more than one person borrowed a page from Sapkowsky's "Last Wish" here.
@simon
I am too illiterate to know what that is
A short story about a genie, a stupid bard, political corruption, misogyny, and love. Specifically, a sorceress uses the protagonist to take vengeance on several assholes who had harassed her.
it is part of the Witcher series.
@Remial
Key detail--thank you
assuming the barbarian is the superstitious kind that's distrustful of wizards he could have had a drunken argument with merlin, boasting the old "magic is for cowards a TREW MAHN could do what you do with brawn alone, everybody saw them bickering, and when the wizard used a fire spell to impress the barbarian he went into a drunken rage, picking up braziers and tossing them around in the misguided attempt to mimic the effect. turns out he won.
Its possible this was me. I am not used to the posting system. Was it about a puppet show?
@michael Cobden
Maybe? hard to keep track
The party started the night simply drinking and walking through the crowded streets, but soon encountered a traveling puppet show which is famous for its “uncanny” realistic puppets and satirization of current events and local figures. The party was mesmerized, and soon forgot that this was a show. They engaged with the puppets, and the puppeteers, who are actually a small coven of witch-bards, were amused and played along. Bob began to make sexual advances to a puppet, which delighted the crowd. As he began to make good on his promises to “treat the puppet right” the puppeteer transformed him into a pig to prevent damage to her puppet. The play itself was about the current siege, attempting to make light of it. Horg took a military hat from a puppet and started to ape marching about in the crowd making farting noises which made everyone laugh except the commander of the guard who was watching. The Court wizard was also watching, and thought this hilarious, and invited Horg to his chambers to continue the revelry, asking him to “bring his friend Tor.” Tor was taken aback, refused, and stumbled into the stage lights, which set the stage on fire and the district in which it was located.
I'm a bit jelous you are playing with the Cube World book, and we are not. Hehehe.
Reminds me of the 70's sit-com SOAP, where everything was entangled in the most bizarre & outrageous ways. Those wizards are into some kinky shit for sure. There's dogging, bestiality, prostitution & thats the the first half of the night.
I am so looking forward to being able to run an adventure with this compendium.
Someone has the Compendium? Or do you mean Zak?
@michael
as of right now, 4 people have it
One book to rule them all, One book to find them, One book to bring them all, and in the darkness unite them; In the LA...
That map of Broceliande is -chefs kiss-
I swear, I can mine these comments for a full night of d&d without issue
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