The Champion Of Tiamat Diet

Deep within the jungles of Drownesia lies the Black Pyramid.

And deep within the Pyramid wallows The Viscid King:

A horrific, drooling slug-creature whose role is to anoint the Viridian Knight--choosing that Jade Champion of Tiamat from those who pass through the many trials and dangers of the Pyramid. (Or burn through them with acid they picked up in other peoples' games while looking for treasure. But, hey, the Jade Fang cult is pro- acid, greed and cheating.)

Anyway, this wasn't the first thing the players noticed about the Viscid King. The first thing they noticed was that he was a fat disgusting slug monster that had to die. This impression was possibly abetted by the fact that I represented him on the tabletop with a polish sausage left over from lunch:

(Likely also abetted by the fact that when Laney jabbed him with a poisoned rapier I represented his acidic vomit by spitting on the table. I'm awful.)

Anyway he got fighted with and died in the middle of crushsuffocating Mandy and David when Adam squeezed his lurid gut between a pair of mechanical doors.

Laney's halfling ranger took his crown and I put him in the fridge.

After further chicanery involving, among other things, a 5-foot-deep flood of emerald pythons falling from the ceiling and the demise of the ill-fated Bone Sorcerer the players bethought themselves to escape the dungeon by means of Shadow Step.

And while traversing the Plane of Shadow they met a Shadow Minister on the cobbled streets. He was alarmed that he could no longer feel the presence of the Viscid King--for only when the King finally chose a new Viridian Knight to lead the Armies of the Jade Fang would the Shadow Minister be released from his planar tether to the Black Pyramid.

"What has become of the Viscid King?" asked the Shadow Minister.

"I'm the new king!" Laney joked, brandishing his stolen crown.

"Excellent!" said the Shadow Minister and pointed to her.

"Laney," the GM said "you gain (roll roll) 53 pounds".

"WHAT THE FUCK!?!" said Laney

She continued to gain d100 pounds each round and her skin began to pale and speckle. She became ever more slugly. "It was just a joke!" Laney cried (failing a charisma roll)--but the Shadow Minister insisted there must be a replacement king. How else could a new Viridian Knight one day be found? How else could the Minister escape?

The players were frantic: Could the curse that tied the Minister to the Pyramid be lifted? Could he be killed? Could another king be found, could...

"I'll be the Viridian Knight!" said Laney.

…and in one stroke, the quiet ranger took up the panoply of war and the modest halfling took on a terrible burden.

…"though I don't know what that means."

The new, strange armor crept across her diminishing body.

"I just didn't want to be fat!" said Laney.

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Dear Other Zach...

…welcome to Los Angeles and to your upcoming game with the D&DWPS crew.

I know you to be a reliable man, I know your elf assassin Malice to be a stalwart if not always prudent ally and I know both of you to be obsessive process-freaks eager to exploit any feature of the environment to your advantage. Not that it really takes one to know one--but it doesn't hurt.

Sunday's session will begin on one of those "Hey you could go anywhere" points so annoying for GM. In addition, the backlog of twists and turns the dice have thrown up over recent weeks has made it a thornfield of plot hooks even I am at a loss to keep straight. However, unlike the girls, you demonstrate some level of goal-orientedness and between-session Machiavellianism and, perhaps more to the point, have but one session to wrench treasure from the jaws of random hex-fumblery and thus force some shape onto your character's destiny before you get in your weird car and drive off to show lasers to children in some other state for your weird job.

And that is why I address this wrap-up of recent campaign events and opportunities primarily to you despite the fact that you will neither be the only player there nor even the only new player there.

Here's a wrap of what's recently happened in Drownesia.

So they were fleeing the Bone Sorcerer...

Luckily, the wizard just leveled up, so suddenly he's like "Hey I have Shadow Walk now, we can just get out of here".

Excellent, now I get to describe the PLANE OF SHADOW.

Then, ok so they're back where they were in the impossible to rememberly named village of Viswanathananand.

The Warmistress Parvathra welcomed back the heroes and heroines and was all "Oh while you were away diplomats came from 3 lands".

They decide to meet with them right away and because I rolled that it was late they'd already made dinner and ate it so the players needed an excuse to see them all together so they decided to make a dessert and serve it.

This involved everyone in rolling dice and made the unseen servant into a prep cook and I had to use that Abulafia table that describes a random wine and I had to look up whartleberries.

They had limited success with the diplomats, which I described all Disney like one all green eyeshadowy and one all red baggy pants because it's hard to keep all these fucking names straight, really, so I made them extremely freaks.

Still it was going ok until the wizard started a food fight. Two of the diplomats left, but the one from Dalafash Opnow was charmed and invited them back to the city see the Deaf Pasha's panda.

So they went hexcrawling, with Stokely in the triceratops howdah with him, they ran into some raiders by the river. They had 4 HD but there was 51 of them. And a flail snail.

After a harsh campaign of backstabs, fireballs and trash-talk, the bandits finally surrendered their loot and one of the two hostages from the diplomatic caravan they hadn't killed already.

Then they met some blind mutant women who see through their clouded lynxes, with whom they traded rare herbs and spices. Then I got sleepy.

Fast forward to the next session:

Tyler showed up. He rolled hardcore, got terrible stats, picked the slave, there was a rumor about mystic tomes he fought snake cultists of the Jade Fang. Tyler rolled a natural 20 to backstab on first attack, acing a cobra king. The rest was a round up. Oh, also some elves showed up.

Then they continued to the BLACK PYRAMID (also green) and there was a mad imp--the imp made Tyler dance, then turned him into a snake. He took it with good humor.
___

Down Into The Black Pyramid:

There's a goat guy down there who says the black pyramid is a testing cell for the Viridian Knights  of Tiamat, Demogorgon's Brides. Mandy (who he calls "Wolfspawn" for some reason) is all over that.

The party rests in the dungeon. always foolish. The Bone Sorcerer with his many lotus-zombie crocodiles appears, he gets shrunk, his crocs get punked, PCs escape without much exploring the pyramid.

Back To The Palace of the Bone Sorcerer

They trace him to his lair, kill a hag in a mud pit, then some jaculi (arrow snakes), then….a Marilith. Fuck. It has lots of hit points, 80% magic resistance and 7 attacks per round doing d20 each. Mandy: anti-magic shell. Interposing hand. Globe of invulnerability.

So:
Connie goes to backstab.
Misses.
Adam tries for the black tentacles.
Misses.
Marilith throws Connie into the tentacles.
Mandy runs in an antimagic-shell into the tentacles, getting rid of them.
Adam (globe of invulnerability) runs up next to Mandy.
Marilith beats up Adam. He's down.
The Marilith then beats the everliving shit out of Adam and Mandy.
Now, normally, Mandy'd be teleported away at 1 hp thanks to the ring she stole from the goblin king, however, the antimagic shell means it only works after she's unconscious and the antimagic field is down, so she's teleported away….but unconscious.

She sits in a Random Dungeon Room, waiting to be eaten by a wandering monster.

Meanwhile Connie (Adam''s idea: clever) threatens to destroy the Jade Idol. This gives the Marilith pause (she's under contract). The crew Shadow Steps away.

This Marilith is still alive in there.

They meet a fellow in the Plane of Shadow. He's a guy from the Black Pyramid. I figured he'd be there.

They, (Adam's idea: clever) offer to trade the idol for Mandy's location.

Connie doesn't wanna as it's worth mad xp--150 lb jade statue.

But they do anyway since otherwise Mandy probably dies.

Connie basically 1-shots a hag in the dark who then tells them how to escape.

_
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SESSION AFTER THAT:

Mandy still unconscious, thanks to some blind warrior woman cat alchemist medicine is healed in caves.

Stokely gets her to safety thanks to leveling up and getting Teleport just in the nick of time.

Then some cultists of the Jade Fang show up...its pretty close to a TPK (Mandy's unconscious the whole time,  Tyler's a snake the whole time--but Stokely's interposing hand saves them).

And these Fangs...why are they here? They do have a lot of treasure.

Also: Connie caroused and woke up next to a succubus. We'll start there if Connie isn't working Sunday.
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So there you go, Weber, that should be enough toys to be getting on with. Personnel will likely be: Laney (elf ranger), Mandy (tiefling cleric), Stokely (wizard), Adam (wizard), Skin (making a new PC).

Welcome to the major leagues--look sharp, be charming, don't interrupt the girls when they talk, and, if you don't like weird fruit and rabbit food, bring some snacks and remember the average level's 3 higher than you. Arrive at genius o'clock.

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And Then The Villain… (roll d100)

(all results stolen from old Vampirella and Tomb of Dracula covers)

1, Fights a pantherman

2, Sits idly by while slime creatures and golems attempt to destroy whatever they see

3, Kidnaps a blonde, heads across a swamp to a castle

4, Appears in a city searching for his coffin

5, Repels intruders from his lair

6, Takes a bride as horrible as he

7, Is confronted by a torch-wielding mob

8, Battles a shambling beast on the moors

9, Coerces children into villainy

10, Calls an army of servants from beneath the earth

11, Hides from a magical holy symbol

12, Faces a new and unexpected vampire-slayer

13, Preys upon wild riders

14, Spirits his archfoe's daughter away to The House That Screams

15, Is accosted by a party of 4 vampire-slayers

16, Rises from the grave to face an angry mob

17, Is shot from the sky in an alternate form

18, Meets a foe he once thought dead

19, Charms a young boy and hides on a train

20, Battles a werewolf

21, Awakes in a cave of ice to find a foe poised to slay him

22, Is hunted from the air

23, Fights a vampire

24, Fights a lightning monster in a graveyard

25, Visits a haunted castle where an exorcism takes place

26, Appears backstage as a performer prepares

27, Demands his followers attack those stalking him

28, Seeks a victim in the city

29, Burns a city as the moon spews death

30, Is shot by a crossbow

31, Goes insane, strangles a guy in an alley, chases another blonde

32, Is assaulted by six inept assailants in an Asiatic locale

33, Witnesses the attempted execution of one of his spawn

34, Is summoned by an archfoe and battles him

35, Fights his archfoe in a theater while carrying a redhead

36, Surprises constables who hunt him in the streets

37, Witnesses a vampire and a priest fighting zombies

38, Visits a new country for the first time, is attacked by its army

39, Visits a new city near the city of a fatal accident

40, Is kept alive by a strange couple

41, Is apparently slain by the slave of a brain monster

42, Lies dead while those who hunted him attack his archrival

43, Appears on Halloween, seeking murder

44, Joins a foe to combat his rival over a spiked pit

45, Emerges from a grave to grab a blonde

46, Combats a wizard on a freakish mount

47, Witnesses a vampire battling a vampire hunter

48, Is wed and faces a faceless fiend

49, Is attacked by a demon in a graveyard while on a  honeymoon

50, Carefully examines the lace around a victim's throat

51, Battles a ranger, a cavalier and a flesh golem

52, Battles a silver-clad champion

53, Transforms a hated foe into a vampire

54, Rides a cyclone, battles a superhuman while clutching yet another blonde

55, Forces a rival to battle his foes and then himself

56, Sires a child while pursued by enemies

57, Makes threats before a skull-faced moon

58, Is the subject of a biography

59, Dodges projectiles in an elegant hall

60, Sends a legion of vampires against a single man

61, Confronts his son's murderer

62, Destroys buildings in a fury

63, Attempts to sabotage offspring's resurrection

64, Battles his son on Satan's Hill

65, Lays at his son's feet while a red tentacled creature coils in the background

66, Fights Satan

67, Loses powers, confronts mob

68, Hunted by a sniper

69, Faces his deadly daughter--on a stage

70, Is turned human and attacked by vampires

71, Touches a magical holy symbol

72, Clutches a redhead in a graveyard

73, Has a sister--an imprisoned witch

74, Rides a strange sky-creature holding a spear

75, Rides a lizard across a weird landscape holding a spear

76, Fights a dinosaur

77, Confronts a ghoul in the city

78, Calls to the spirits standing next to a smilodon

79, Becomes the intended sacrifice of an insect god

80, Makes trees strangle a kid

81, Raises a scythe to the sky next to a giant iguana

82, Is captured by a dark angel

83, Becomes involved with a silver thief and a pharoah's daughter

84, Marries a weird cyclops

85, Is welcomed into a coven by a decapitating redhead

86, Is captured by the lord of vampires

87, Seeks death in the Tomb of the Sleeper

88, Is brought in chains before a lich with a panther

89, Meets a queen who sits on a cobra throne

90, Becomes a sacrifice to quell an ancient swamp monster

91, Battles the undead of the deep

92, Is rescued by the sun god--the god of blood

93, Investigates a flesh-eating curse

94, Is imprisoned in a dungeon and fights a changeling

95, Is trapped with giant rats

96, Flees to an underground city, faces a giant among giant skulls

97, Is chained behind a freak meditating before a glowing ball

98, Is attacked in a weird clinic

99, Battles the blind priestess

00, Is abducted by a tentacled horror

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Beauty vs Fun

I was thinking about Dracula, and about Dario Argento, and about giallo movies.

Wouldn't it be nice to have a rich, dark, sexy, gorgeous, gory hopeless game, with hopeless stars burning hopeless overhead night after pitiless night as the characters hopelessly stalk and are stalked?

But you wouldn't, because the players are too fun. They would laugh and eat and they'd sooner or later find a way to kill Dracula and they'd fuck his face with fish fingers--and that's good. That's the good stuff. That thing I described: it'd be a good book. It'd suffocate my real players after a while, not enough of the real them would be in it. You'd wish you just read it or watched it.

And that's, in the end, how games work, I think. How the best games work: the GM (and maybe the game, whoever wrote that) brings the beautiful, and the players bring the fun. And you never know which one will win in any given moment and that's the wonderful part of it. Just when you think it'll just be fun, the grotesque beauty of the pupa splitting apart to reveal your own awful clone hits you over the head. And just when it's majestic in its direness, someone distracts it with a chicken and natural 20s it right back down to the pile of hoary tropes and adjectives it was sculpted out of.

It keeps you grounded, it keeps you guessing, it makes you laugh and then hope and then ooh and ah and squirt milk out of your nose but you don't know which when. And that's what it's like being in the middle of good drama: the confidence that a story will contain everything the world might contain yet not knowing which one's coming up.

It's probably why only boring people like comedy games--they aren't fun enough to guarantee fun will show up. And also why only boring people like ones which enforce their beauty and style at every turn--they don't trust their GM to be shrewd enough to curate the experience.

I can see a Theory Of Gaming coming up with only that principle--keep the Beauty and the Fun in constant conflict--and don't try to tumble either way, or you fall into predictability. You will know what's around the next corner and you'll be above it. And you shouldn't ever be above it--you should be in it.

 . . . dialectics, matrices, archetypes all need to connect, once in a while, back to some of that proletarian blood, to body odors and senseless screaming across a table, to cheating and last hopes, or else all is dusty Dracularity . . .  (Gravity's Rainbow)

Do Not Get Between Molly Crabapple And Stuff

Name: Molly Crabapple

Occupation: Artist, Writer

Character Name: Natasha

Class: Thief

Level: 1
Hit points: 2
First game: Thu Feb 13, 2014, Rappan Athuk.
Sessions played: 1
Sessions survived: 1
Conspicuous feat of heroism: Leaped on the back of the first ogre she saw, failed 2 backstabs in a row. Didn't get off until he was dead.
Natural 20s rolled against ogres blinded by sacks over their heads stuck in webs: 1
Quotes: "Do they have stuff we can steal?"
"Can I pickpocket them?
"If we kill them can we take their stuff?"
"Are the shiny things coins? Can we take them?"
"Copper? What's that good for? Is it worth anything?"
"Now that they're dead, do they have any stuff we can steal?"

Stock The Dungeon With Rooms That Don't Suck, Fast

Step One: Go here and generate a random dungeon with numbered rooms:

Step Two Scroll down on this here blog entry page to where it says "Room List"

Step Three: Highlight the entire list. Cut it. Paste it in the upper box here.

Step Four: Press "Pick Random Line!" one time for each room in your dungeon, like:

1.Hollow eggs contain random live miniature humanoids.
2.Empty.
3.Floor like the sea. Save vs drowning.
4.Kobolds lair in the celing, with boiling oil.
5.Empty
6.Poorly-disguised storage pit contains hands of glory.
7.Chains and bells tinkle in putrid, moist darkness.
8.Large brazier in floor, crated provisions, blankets.
9.Vandalized portraits. Fixing them solves a problem.
10.Luminescent ink fountain. Anything removed glows ten days.
11.Seems like river Styx goes through here.
12.Friendly flesh golem provides possible henchman.
13.Beholder holds court over blinded medusas.
14.Footprints, running.

Step Five: Season to taste.

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You can and totally should save the whole list as a text file and add your own rooms over time, steal ones you like anywhere you find them, and cut out ones you think are lame--just remember to keep the descriptions one line long or less or the program won't work.

Also remember since there's already a map you don't need descriptions of the dimensions of the rooms themselves or doors.

If you want certain kinds of monsters in the dungeon, go here, post the room list in one box, put a list the monsters you want to use in one of the other boxes (Object Input 1 or Object Input 2) and a few blank lines and it will create a new list below which has ever possible combination of room and monster, plus some empty rooms.

Then you can cut that list and go back up to Step Three: now the dungeon is all about whatever monsters you wanted to use.

This list of 1000 ish rooms below was generated collaboratively on Google Plus here and here. I removed some of the stupid ones from the master list, feel free to put them back.

(If you click on the link and it doesn't lead to anything it's because you haven't been asked to be added to my G+ RPG circle and well whose fault is that?)


Room List:

Yuan-ti, spread open and staked to wall. Knows secrets.
Dimension-hopping merchant, not interested in gold.
Glass columns, each filled with gas (cloudkill, sentient)
Bisected by river of molten brass golem blood
A cage of rusty bars, reeks of spices.
Summoning circle, brimstone smell, dead wizard.
dense with fragrant flowers, blossoming from hidden corpses
Floor strewn with multicoloured shards of broken glass.
Buboe goblins, in agony, scraping sores with potsherds
Illusionary bottomless pit.
Wall stones revolve in place, loud, grit abounds
One wall open, clouds huddle below. Birds roost.
A little girl.
Iron medusa devouring pillars of petrified victims
Two children with black fingers devour third
Trap-making workshop. Spikes, chains, hinges, levers, acid.
Grease fountain. Statues resemble party members.
Total darkness; the sensation of moving through slime. 
Eight swords, seven cursed. Sad guardian wants moon.
Razorvine garden overlooking torture chamber. Beautiful attendant-amputees.
Crushing outward pressure, blinding light, and Radiance Demons.
Stone dwarf caryatids need you to replace them.
A clapperless bell, sleeping beauty with secret tail.
Altar with woman in glass sarcophagus.
Room hip-deep in teeth. No fairy.
Several Surly Magic Mouths. Warning: Do Not Feed.
Bad air snuffs flame. Hard to breathe.
corpses smushed into floor, intestines cling to ceiling.
Wide-eyed vestal conceals bloody knife, children's fingers
Hundreds of stone statues. Basilisk. Blind assassin.
Alchemy laboratory, recently used, candles still burning.
Beatific Font of False Prophecy. Guarded by Serpents.
Elderly naked people daubed in gore, laughing maniacally
A headless dragon towers upright, succubi under talons
Altar of plenty requiring the sacrifice of Christians
Naphtha sump. Fumes highly flammable and poisonous.
Only a closet, filled with tiny biting ants.
Stone dragon head, throne of sleeping demon prince
Pheasant in cage hastily dropped...by something.
Weeping figures of ash. carpet of beetles.
Scattered furniture. 400 gp hidden in couch
Earthen pots with plants that have spellcasting eyes.
Tube worms pulse like a red carpet.
Smelly dwarf cooking something smelly in a cauldron.
A jumble of bones inset with gold.
Hugely fat goddess, drunk, playing/sculpting flesh pillars
A narrow pit, inside a friendly orc
Empty, pre-activated pit trap.
A well made bench; a dog sleeps underneath.
walls of gold, will scream if touched
Sleeping place with 8 mats.
Scattered crumbs from meal of closest monster.
Windowless, dark, smells of rotting leaves and corpses
Duplicate of last room.
Duplicate of last room.
Lit by a single torch of brittle, black wood
Xorn--considers this area of the dungeon hers.
Mirror of last room. If damaged, both shatter.
Mirror here reveals last room cavity rotting flesh
Chains hanging from ceiling. Skeleton on a hook.
Cells containing injured victims of nearby intelligent monster.
Everything in other room audible here & visa-versa
The floor is lava, spanned by bridge.
Illithids playing chess with sentient mice as pieces
Armory. 1d6 weapons still useful, others rusted.
Princess, trying to rescue prince from dragon
Chasm with invisible bridge.
Prince and goblin king, tripping on wyvern venom
Goblin in pit trap, gives directions if rescued.
inert Heavy Spectre capable of achieving superhuman density
Disabled sunseed, being sought by starborn valkyrie 
A riding horse. Falls apart outside dungeon.
Speaking stone statue. Answers questions. All lies.
Illusion of broken bridge. Actually fine to cross.
Mess hall. Soup still hot and steaming.
Pieces of children's toys that reassemble and crawl.
Round water hole in floor, excellent fishing spot.
Blocking wall of ice. Melting releases frozen monsters.
Hydra, harmonizing. Invisible sound wizard master.
Post-traumatic paladin, kingdom wished away, strange reliefs.
ice block sat in flames. Swordswoman lounges atop.
Ancient tree. 1d4 strange fruits heal all hp.
Small, brittle structures, long abandoned
Sound wizard's ear horn collection. Some magical.
Telekenetic zombies cause maelstrom of rubbish and parts
Empty Room: Mysterious sourceless screams sometimes speak secrets.
Displayed: silver ball; dagger; flask. Cryptic warning. Harmless.
Undead dwarven blacksmith, will happily repair weapons/armor.
Bleeding walls: If healed/wrapped. Will help PCs.
Much colder, clammy. Miasmas. Vent to lightless lake. 
Sad orcish girl has become lost, violent family.
Witch selling secrets for the names of children
Kobolds, murderholes, crossbows, boiling oil. You know the drill...
Chest: Map of another dungeon, hidden under false-bottom.
Derro bachelor party/rumsprinnga. Trading mutations for booze.
Floor is pool with acidic water weird.
Wyvern babies. Hungry and lonely.
Safe room. Glowing orb. Monsters will not enter. 
Floor is dungeon's heart. electricity pulses with beat.
Kettledrum. Each beat will awaken one clay golem.
Donut with doors opposite. Everything changes after passed.
Amber statues of hunting animals. huge horn.
Arena. All damage illusionary, restored when leaving ring.
Four-poster bed. Touching sheets activates sleep spell.
The first frog.  The last swamp.
Time paradox continually respawns goblin until halted.
Gold on the ceiling.
Open graves. Crazy graffiti on doors. Magnetic tombstones.
A ghoul-hating ghoul that doesn't know he's a ghoul.
An exit.  Not THE exit.
The opposite of a panda bear.
Two goblins fighting over a "wife".
Hole in the ceiling.  Bloodstains beneath it.
The room is a centrifuge.  Killer orbs.
Lurker and trapper mating.
Lobotomized grell, dragging itself along pathetically.
War machine from another world.  Ignores PCs.
Ejected buzzsaws.  Broken trap.  Thief, now in giblets.
19 zombies perpetually headbutting floor.  Mostly oblivious.
Aggressive door approaches you.  Desires to be opened.
Snakes?  No, chains.
Skeletons siphon fat, growing stronger.
A storm drain.  Music, discordant yet beautiful.
A monstrous playwright.  A wardrobe.  An audience.
A convocation of the rat tribes.
Empty room.  Broken chair.  Hungry dust.
Wendigo-ified berserker.  No feet.  Leaves bloody footprints.  
Outlined on the wall in ash, a family.
A familiar--crocodile--cares for it's deceased witch.
A hyena-lich.
Pots and pans, as if to catch rain.
Brass face.  Smell of vinegar.
The giant's bellybutton.
A priceless painting.  Thought stolen.  Now worthless.
Lights and voices that flee from your approach.
Tired bones, aching for burial.
A bard.  His entourage.  Foolish, numerous, and amiss.
Drow assassin, dying from  betrayal.  Lacking a shadow.
Fog leaks from PC's orifices.  They are evaporating.
Like a butterfly collection, but not of butterflies.
Fungal-furnished pubroom for Underdark fun-seekers. Try the pies.
Three fairies want song contest judged. Stakes: Life.
Undergoing repairs. Piles of masonry and tools.
Prisoner will trade ledger for glimpse of sunlight.
Two driders argue over web-bound dwarf.
Miniature forest with tiny animals, hags; lifesize frogs
Barbarian with an arquebus. Many targets, none hit.
Trompe l'oeil paintings on floor of pit traps.
Chains hang, 30' ceiling; undead apes in shadows.
Air full of sweet smell of honeysuckle, safety.
Each step forward: migraine; each step back: euphoria.
Drapery on walls hide hunting trophy ivory bones.
Trap! Long slide to giant razor blade death
Piercers above, ropers below open hallway opposite
Injured Knight of the Black Scorpion, seeking something.
Nice rug, it really ties the room together.
Four hobgoblins torturing a stirge they wounded
Locked lead casket contains poisonous fallen star.
Heap of stinking mud, filled with large eggs.
Map of local dungeon, drawn in fresh blood.
Tapestry depicts party members murdering one another horribly.
A soiled apron and an over turned butterchurn.
Brimstone golem and well of quicksilver.
Ogre chained to a locked iron bound coffin.
A vampire child attends an imaginary tea party.
Erasmus, wereskunk in human form. Knows treasure location.
Ogre zombie filled with ghouls.
Map of dungeon in tiles on the floor.
Cesspit.
Captive rival dungeon party stripped to their undergarments 
Dead wizard. Magic quill scribes biography on walls.
Crystal spider statue surrounded by stinking blood trench.
Dungeon Tavern. 1d4 random encounters enjoying nonviolent drinks.
Animated knitting needles. 2d4 pairs. Many warm scarves.
Disused adventurers' campsite. Rations, bedrolls, circle of protection.
Shimmering chrysalis. Humanoid husks. Cracked breast plates. Treasure!
Detailed chalk drawings of four plausible futures.
Decadent gothic ballroom.
Giant animated marshmallow construct. Celebrating faeries. Newcomers welcome.
Fresh corpse sitting upright staring at a corner
Seven empty whiskey bottles. Seven long dead dwarves.
Walls are made of unblinking eyes.
Talking bear. Magic trinkets braided into his fur.
Eight-armed statue of a forgotten god.
Pool of clear water. Tiny humans bathing.
Illusionary elf-maid. Quicksand pit. Intellect Devourer in hiding. 
Hollow terracotta statue full of bees.
Naked elven slaves chained to a sleeping giant.
Floor covered in yellow and white rose petals
Stone mouth in floor asks to be fed.
Sourceless whisper saying "Go ahead . . . do it!"
Three murals of ancient female astronauts being devoured
Stench of burnt hair, angel armoured in bone.
Paper snowflakes that tumble after you. Scissor golem.
Eight different books concerning the Law of Octaves
Large blue crystal dodecahedron, contains fetal planet eater.
Loose brick reveals, packet of sordid love letters.
Poison-trapped chest opens to spring pit trap.
Abandoned golem lab. Restoration possible, with sufficient investment.
Many birdcages, no birds
Harmonize with music box to see secret door
Spider's nest, hundreds of eggs, about to hatch.
Wizard recharges magical rings in power well.
Scriptorium where demonic monks write down flawed contracts.
Invisible Stalker hiding in fountain on west wall.
Empty.
Foundry to make living statues, operated by dogmen.
Insane dwarf runs underground trade post with success.
NPC party at rest, alert, has trapped doors.
Makeshift chapel to dark deity, choir practicing.
A man infested by bugs, he loves them.
Goblins fighting ogre for remains of elven noble.
Cave troll crashes through north wall, wields hammers.
Magic mirror lies to men, not women
Iron-shod doors lock away seventeen dangerous criminals.
Belligerent halfling is actually just a midget
Elf trapped in paralyzed amber jelly.
Footsteps in dust lead towards you
Dwarven miners start digging operation to lower levels.
Alabaster bust rotates without affecting room's eight doors.
Intricate architecture like British houses of parliament
Man-scorpion throws sacks of scorpions from gallery.
Lich's contemplation chamber. 50% chance to encounter.
Magic mouth presents riddles in impenetrable accent
Desecrated crypt home to 1d5 wights.
Boneyard is home to demented necromancer.
Jackalwere and werewolf, friendly rivals, playing chess.
Skeleton of ancient hero trapped to kill looters.
Goblins on stilts wade through poisoned water.
Trap control room. Pressing buttons resets traps randomly.
Unconscious maiden is ruthless warrior.
Bucket of bedbugs (and one goldbug) above door.
Halflings tend shadowleaf field here.
Ornery gnomish merchants, recently robbed. Rewards offered. 
8 grey aliens operating on goblin, extracting brain.
Half a bird near door, otherwise empty
Gigantic aquarium, drained long ago.
Otherworldly wizard locked in telepathic combat with mindflayer.
Frogmen eating human legs.
Iron coffins stacked like cordwood. Six contain ghasts.
Frogs crawling on ceiling and walls.
A bleating goat with sacrificial dagger in belly.
42 stone blocks in pile.
Reliquary with booby trapped holy hand grenade.
An undead gelatinous cube bound.
Three trolls eating each other
northern part of floor illusionary, covers snake pit.
Mouldering stolen paintings of the belle epoque
snake pit.
A salamander with a clockwork foot
Vats of spare parts for bodies
Giant snake that swallowed a live orc.
Autodoc that malfunctions and creates crab people
Dead orc with spilled oranges
Pile of watermelons conceals jack o lantern.
Mirrored walls cause confusion and disorientation.
glass roof allows spectators from upper level.
ruined control room inhabited by intelligent ball lightning.
Wizard's sanctum. Permanent light and silence spells.
anti magic column absorbs magical energies.
Big kitchen, pig on spit. Or a human?
Gnome tinker tends to mechanical warthog.
Makeshift camp of migrating myconids. Moldy.
bear traps all over the floor.
Empty.
mind wiped humans serve party of illithids.
Wine cellar. Orcs putting bodies into casks, surprised.
Barrels of salted Halfling meat. Chewy hairy toe.
Chess set with trapped squares that destroy playing pieces.
Doomsday device - deactivated.
Beehive full of hallucinatory fungus honey, insane bees.
Skeleton-powered grist mill. Needs bones for giant bread.
Mushroom beds tended by strange pale aggressive bees.
Monkey-stamped crates of unprocessed narcotic subterranean flora.
Weapons rack, pole arm is a trap lever.
Walls, floor and ceiling are metal. No gravity.
Room of cheese.
Room full of mice.
Twelve zombies - one a noble, still wearing ring
Intelligent ooze develops crush on most charismatic PC
Drow haggle with Illithids over svirfneblin slaves.
Serene pool. Nesting place of brain worm larvae.
Wicker nests hold cocoons, moaning sounds pleasurable
Electric summoner's circle contains wraith.
Floor a fungi shelf. Nests in above shelf
Robot and children search for lost mothers
Intellect devourer slumped in depression
Fountain with boiling water. Stacks of clean linen.
Medusa in labor guarded by stone golems.
Eleven singing birds, each heard alone affects uniquely
Mad wizard's kitchen, apparently he eats books
Statue repeats lies spoken in its presence
Chapel to disgraced Saint, defaced by angry worshippers
Magic mouth answers honestly - audible everywhere but here
Mindflayer on deathbed - lucid, talkative, serene; occasionally alone
Wicker adventurer puppets, manned by goblins, bomb trap
Storage room with cannon balls and blackpowder
Ravens eating adventurers. Ravens know what adventurers knew.
Cagey adventurers eating suspect meats
Teen necromancer has fled village, begs for food
Naked cowering escaped prisoner might be a doppleganger.
Miniature men do meticulous military drill.
Opera singer screaming, but you only hear music.
Walls covered in writing. Spreads if touched.
Merchant strung out on cough syrup
Thieves guild refining formian polyps into drug
Library. Some sections extend beyond physical plane.
A bunch of dwarven engineers rebuilds west wall.
Secret door relocates randomly, leads to same place
Dungeon room in progress, scattered tools, unfinished trap
Excavation site. Explorer, two aides, six workers.
Half-mummified corpse. Animates if completed - roll reaction.
Immortal eviscerated fairy bound in brass cackling.
Little bunk beds, chew toys, kobold droppings
On walls: apologies to party in own handwriting.
Blood smeared walls. Otherwise, empty.
Glowing, melon-sized orbs hover, copiously crying sweet tears.
Shards of glass spin in midair until swatted.
An old man sits on a chair, waiting.
Puddles on floor leak up to the ceiling.
Tsochar face-hugger parasite eggs everywhere; Mother guarding... 
Huge pile of gold coins!  They're melted together.
Plain, bare room.  Everything spoken comes out backwards.
Eight marbles.
Half-a-dozen hallucinating halflings tied to bedsteads.
Operations table with coathangers instead of scalpels.
Circular hole in east wall, 4 feet diameter. 
Fanatical elves on goblin hunt.
Scriptorium: parchment, quills, ink, desks. Nothing of value.
Distillation apparatus made from glass (valuable, fragile).
Cats barking at single cat with diamonds inside.
Puffer-fish-man sleeping; will puff and prickle if woken.
Treasure chest seems mimic, isn't; gold coins are.
king sized bed, obese woman overflows, looks terrified
room is pitch black, light swallowed up greedily.
demo-Buddha shrine, lit by haunted glow-globe
valuable but obscene tapestries conceal bronze-equipped skeletons
bachelor pad of the recently divorced bugbear
doorway of forgetfulness, you entered for some reason.
barrel of fun, 1 d100 goblins pour out.
Invisible, anti-grav silver blades form werewolf prison. 
Magnificent door marks the Rakshasa's area of influence
Disgustingly bespattered. Ceiling shaft holds Dire Corby roost. 
Two wells. One's defended by driders, one isn't.
Enormous chandelier hangs; each crystal a lost soul.
Pantry. Valuable cheeses and wines plus human hams.
Small labyrinth, piles of parchments stacked to ceiling.
Ordure pit opens from the ceiling: stench unbearable.
Yellowhag, Whitehag, Blackhag, threefold entity enacting alchemical pageantry.
Irresistible maelstrom of howling madness centered on gnome.
Particoloured Obstracklous Mammyjag extends pseudopod (as Ochre Jelly)
Large cake, out jumps 3 harpies, cake spoilt.
Acid-pool trap set by nearest intelligent inhabitant.
Seven turned ghouls fleeing battle-nuns.
Glowing Two-dimensional warrior-priests from the positive-negative material plane.
Forest of candles in landscape of wax burying skeleton troupe.
10 years of candlewax. Single candle. Something underneath.
Faint disembodied laughter of children long dead.
Zombie with golden crown sits on ruined throne.
Walls blackened from recent fireball. Empty otherwise.
Holy symbol, man high, painted on all doors.
Unfinished summoner's circle. Instructions to complete on parchment.
Cooling chest filled with ice cream. Horrible flavors.
Cobbler's workshop run by gnome. Shoes exceptionally nice.
Two racks of champagne bottles. Mediocre quality.
Swordmaster's journal  (1000 XP to fighter while in possession).
Black lotus in shadows. Releases spores when illuminated.
Reeks of brimstone. Home to fire elemental.
Bath house run by homesick halflings.
Fountain produces hot water, heated by lava below.
Finally, the exit to the dungeon. Guarded lightly.
Stairs seem to lead up, but lead down.
Someone left behind a rope ladder.
Quicksand!
Empty again? (No, invisible stalker's lair!)
Empty altar awaiting victims; stained glass windows black.
Invisible petrified halfling cultists of Kali
Three chests of semiprecious stones and a mimic.
A sheep chewing humanoid jerky.
A loom, a cord, a pair of scissors.
Bloody clumps of hair cover a silver statue.
Translucent kuo-toa fish-humanoid mystic. Currently seeing watery visions.
Masochistic tiefling strung up, chains to four walls.
Fungus farm, undead farmers. Zombies shuffling, mushroom studded.
Deep halflings fishing like bears. Will share.
Paladin and succubi in stasis. Sweet gear. Dead?
Paladin and Succubus in bed! Oh dear! Dead?
Two ettins, devouring each other. A princeling cowers.
Troglodytes beauty. Hints at longing for fame aboveground.
Texts about the alteration of lizardmen hormone messages.
Hallway with windows, showing party's dreams and nightmares.
Cistern of psychoactive jelly. Upon touch, speak Chaotic.
Giant golem components. Mephits nesting in chest cavity.
Map of campaign continent. Major cities marked destroyed.
Ogre Laird and Hagwife, expecting performers, applaud drunkenly.
Longship burial. Eerie harping, wraith concubines, spectral chieftain.
Terithran cooks for nearby masters. Will purchase ingredients.
Ornate choak-pear in forgotten satchel.
Starlit fields of Elphame. Every square a mile.
Pusillanimous poltroon, having betrayed companions, seeks party membership.
Murder-holes, tripwires, gas nozzles, pressure plates, not trapped
Floating giant heart, beating above stained marble tile.
3000 drawers. One contains dungeon boss's greatest fear
Copper sword in stone mould grants svirfneblin monarchy.
Kobolds playing indoor soccer with a halfling head.
Dwerger storeroom, tin ingots, diagram showing nearby traps.
Several empty animal cages with doors ripped off
Discarded baselard with broken blade. Vague fishy smell.
"War is Over!" emblazoned on wall.
Secret tomb of peasant revolutionary. Fresh offerings.
Corpse in crypt not Withered King, despite tombstone.
4 champions of chaos, preparing for war
A female hobgoblin giving birth. Two goblins attending. 
Icicles & frost form on adventurers' lips, chins, cheeks. 
Dancing blade sharpens itself on grinding stone, hungrily.... 
Hobnail. Pound into goblin's head to produce hobgoblin. 
Walls absorb and echo all sounds continuously forever. 
Silence kills sound 1'  from source. Ears bleed.
Alchemical charts litter the room, some useful.
On opening the door, completely filled with marbles.
Gigantic Turtle and Slug locked in mortal combat.
Rune that paralyzes with a staggering, true revelation.
Hole in ceiling, rope dangles invitingly, pulled up!
Scattered remains of statue, put together is PC.
Large snake is random wormhole to another room.
Shrine to Dolorous Queen, weep and be healed.
Battle Princess wrestling six-armed abomination for silver treasure.
"They're everywhere" written on wall. Another Invisible Stalker.
Elf weeps over broken sword, tells of treasure.
Ogre twins sitting down to dinner; human soup
Fountain provides highly mutagenic "water".
Delicate flowers; fluorescent pollen persists on skin, clothing.
Lobotomized dwarves burrow mindlessly, breaking down south wall.
A sulphurous smell betrays the fire imp hiding here.
Broken chains hint at gigantic four legged beast.
Marble Sphinx will answer three questions, painfully truthful.
NPC adventuring party, devastated by poison gas trap.
Huge containers hold gas for trap next door.
Magical fisher's net holds water elemental captive.
Coin golem protects altar to Mammon.
Chain golems attend disciplinary wizard seeking looters/vandals
Ocarina on corpse. Full of spiders. Summons drider. 
Vampire gang, sharpening stakes, going to raid rivals
Hordes writhe below, tortured. Random Inferno excerpt.
Gem crusted scabbard, curses swords placed inside.
Spinning jewel keeps dungeon level, slants when disturbed.
Spyglass with amber glasses shows netherworld.
North full of spikes. Six goblins impaled.
Needle trap on locked doors.
Map showing hidden rooms. Doesn't show traps.
Terrible wailing from below through iron grates.
A river of filth and refuse flows north-to-south.
Necrosurgeon rebuilds body for ogre client.
Treasure room. Mimics forced to swallow treasure.
Illusory bottomless pit, hides trapdoor to lower level.
South wall covered in rough map of dungeon level.
Gilded ceiling reflects magic. Wizards take heed!
Four casks full of salted eel.
Collection of gems left behind by dying Xorn.
Living statues trapped under rockfall. Ceiling unstable.
Clerics of mutation attempting to convert dungeon people.
Black crown, comprehend fungi save v madness.
Down-sloping rough spiral. Bottom: throne, yellow robes.
Board book detailing henchmen deaths. Piercers. Spike trap. 
Knights Of Purity cleansing dungeon room with bleach.
Troll shaman flenses his arm to create magical glove.
Mutated rat swarm attempts telepathic contact; easily overwhelming.
Single boot of Elvenkind under heap of rubble.
Children's toys litter the floor.
Time inside moves 3d4 times faster than outside
Those who drink from dark pool fight shadows.
Empty
Shrine: Statue of a headless goblin.
Caterpillars spinning cocoons beneficent and not
Burial pool
Slippery funnel leads down 4 levels
Shimmering drifts of powdered glass fill the corners.
Heavily armed goblins without pants , tripping on mushrooms.
Circular floor channel shifts things clockwise: 10 mph.
Open sewer, mysterious gleaming. Possibly gems?
Magical darkness. Thorny pits. Save vs. Wis.
Ordinary fountain. Decoration of fawns and centaurs.
Guard post for humanoids beyond. Trapped wall.
Forest of rusty spikes. One undecayed: magical lance.
A well surrounded by hallucinogenic fungus.
Tree grows fruit made of candy, . And pain.
Grain silo, rotting. Giant rats, cockroaches, ergot demons.
soft loamy ground, giant spiders kidnap anyone resting
Oubliette. Skeletal prisoners, signs of furious, futile scrabbling.
Ventilation shaft; cold hearth below. Stars visible above.
A pentagram of chalk and antlers spews ash
A salt dryad's boudoir. Con save or desiccate.
Gnawing homunculi widen the corridor. Oblivious to sounds.
Windchime of bones; magical repository for stolen secrets.
Illusionary spike trap hides real trapdoor to pit.
Giant crystal, mostly shattered. Recently.
Store cupboard of orc uniforms.
Stone faces on the walls breathe fire.
Rotating stairwell wound up daily by ogres.
Three treasure chests, one is a leathertarian mimic.
Buried boat. Kingly skeleton. 6 sacrificed guardians.
Room swaps brains, removes memories, till you leave
lush overgrown garden, where's the light coming from?
Remains of a burned library
Sixteen skeletons on a dead man's chest. 
impaled demon masks. May possess wearers, grant powers.
one man, cloaked in void, likes dogs   
large circular chair, big enough for lounging giant
Magical mirror shows past adventuring groups passing through.
Dwarf skeleton lying intertwined with elf skeleton.
Skeleton laments lost empire in song, seeks renewal
Myconids tend their young in this natural cave.
Ossuary. Clay golems making instruments from the bones.
Dumbwaiter and speaking tube.
Meticulously empty. No mould, no dirt. Chlorine smell.
Gelatinous pits: cubes mined from here.
skeleton wearing empty backpack, is actually Mimic
The ceiling is covered in black cones.
Water (impure) pours from small fissure in ceiling.
secret gate into portable-hole-space.
Injured mount monster, saddle still on.
metal pipes, clanging rhythmically. Morse code? Birdsong?
A hag's lair. Decorated like a nursery. Puppies.
Morose lizardmen, craving leadership milk.
Steps up to altar spattered with tongue parts
elegant dining room laid out for full meal
Bells ring, Sound seeks birth inside you
Storage room full of food. All is poisoned.
barrels of hard liquor. Automaton guard.
Well closed off by heavy iron bars.
Two gardens: one orderly, one overgrown and fecund.
Massive corroded brass organ overlooking Sunken Prison
Iron statues overgrown with poison ivy.
too much light makes the baby go blind
Goblin border post. Ask to check your weapons.
Family of four gnomes made their homestead here.
Control panels, decayed. Iron rations in tins. Periscope.
Half-empty weapons rack for energy lances, six left.
Goblin patrol, using waxed human arms as torches.
Possessed animal in office.
Metal cupboard holds 28 bottles with random potions.
Armory. Rusted weapons are functional. Pristine are cursed.
Poorly-disguised storage pit contains hands of glory.
walls curve around dance of sleepingwalking encephalopathic trolls
Table with faithful miniature representation of dungeon level.
A giant throne of fur and mammoth tusks.
Dark, twisty, flickery, crystal corridors. Invisible thief.
Two crates with water-proofed scroll holders.
Iron foyer door forged from gun barrels.
Ceremonial archway in center changes alignment.
Time sink: every round here takes an hour.
Names of the fallen inscribed on oaken panels.
Severed animate head gives dungeon news.
weapons of all eras embedded in caged troll
Large iron mirror steals soul when gazing in.
Swarm of albino rats covers floor.
Abused Henchman Soviet meeting.
Hollow eggs contain random live miniature humanoids.
Two arguing demons appear trapped under candle wax.
Recurring enemy's secret hideout. Papers for aliases, plans.
Three mosaic lunettes with names behind iron screen
Carved names appear on walls when adventurers die.
checker board floor teleports randomly between tiles.
Glow worms hang from ceiling. Skeletons cover floor.
Mushrooms on all surfaces. Some beneficial, some dangerous.
Vandalized portraits. Fixing them solves a problem.
Broken dimensional gate. Repairable with parts from dungeon.
Wild magic zone. Currently home to living spell.
Cursed sword stuck in blessed stone.
Pit-bound lobsterman uses portable hole as trap.
Tomb of unknown soldier, sun lights on solstice.
Human skull lies inside crumbling wall.
Correspondence with distant lord, dropped.
Storehouse covered in honey, ants.
Sleeping NPC party. Guard passed out drunk.
Lizardmen standing waist-deep in null-magic liquid.
Bloody footprints lead to a blank wall.
Deserted barracks. Very dirty.
Ceiling drips mineral water.
Bridge over drainage canal.
Office for messenger-rats. Rat-man clerk.
Magic mouth speaks totally alien language.
Control room allows switching doors open/closed.
Chamber of many eyes.
Baptistry of flaying tongues
Discouraging smell reminds you of past failures, grudges.
Decaying floor. Falling through leads to lower level.
Amber roof casts natural, blinding sunlight.
Echoing halls of pestilent memories
Brazier, unfinished meal, still hot.
Well leads down three levels.
Brackish water slowly fills room if sealed.
Flammable stone. Once lit, never extinguished.
Library, badly damaged.
Library, intact, being browsed by dark creeper.
Torture room with steam-powered implements.
Crystal orb, too close to pit edge.
Seven secret doors, all trapped, fake. No escape.
Portal (1d6) Tanelorn, Cadwallon, Greyhawk, Sigil, Credia, Vornheim
Deserted forge. Half-finished glowing axe blade on anvil.
Dead live in water pool. Children flayers.
Ceiling replicates sky outdoors.
Fear of possession resulted in this goblinoid abortion.
Finally some fucking treasure, chests, guarded by elves
Floor like the sea. Save vs drowning.
Chimerological laboratory with lots of parts. None alive.
Scriptorium holds Book of Priests. They are skeletons.
Wheel rearranges constellations on floor. Opens other areas.
Really Useful Engine parts.
Maze with invisible walls. Cheese wheel in center.
Lamp oil, sentient.
This room is ON FIRE because salamander.
Purple river resurrects fallen. Sacrifice the youngest.
green glowing rod submerged under hot spring
Once there were stairs here.
A root of Yggdrasil bisects the room.
Magical water shrinks you mouse-sized when drunk. 
Dungeon tavern. Various humanoids mingle. Not necessarily hostile.
Chains and bells tinkle in putrid, moist darkness.
Room filled with smoke. Hallucinations when inhaled.
the Philosopher welcomes you to your new home
Adventurer or inhabitant corpse. Potion in pack.
Reliquary holds remnant of dead god.
Flagellants line the walls, whipping themselves.
Copper rats, sacred to goblins: bestow authority.
small wooden box, closed but not locked, rattling
Roof covered with giant vampire bats. Consider running!
Drawer in wall connects inexplicably to your backpack.
Eye of Mazrabaan glitters high above choral citadel
the pool of water is on the ceiling
Several severed hands, all without middle finger
Philosopher's stone. Good for 20lb of lead.
Crying stone baby creates gravity well, attracts missiles
Shield wall. This wall is made of shields.
Plush velvet wingback chairs. Platinum hookah. Lamia.
Magnet trap, carrion crawler, clustered dead.
Deep pool of black water, skeletons on bottom
Empty
Who knows what Ulcer Priest hid in strongbox
Stacks of gnawed and cracked bones, like firewood
Walls have victims of mis-teleport half-stuck in them.
Invisible wizard looking for an exit.
Party's faces appear on statues. Unseen woman laments.
Fully operational coin mint. Lacks base materials though.
We ate them all - says elf and grins.
Library of lost books. Research anything (1d100 days).
Hound of Tindalos trapped inside flammable jelly cube.
Mill of souls does not operate today.
Fancy sarcophagus leaks blood, creates imps
Corridor of traps, all activated, sabotaged, save one
Like the room to the north plus worms.
Gigantic metal snake eats thousands, absconds them elsewhere.
Candles, coins on the floor, three locked doors
Dark, damp. Once inside wall fungi start glowing.
Magic smithy. Golem stuck making minor trinkets.
This dust makes you high. Ten foot high.
Elaborate wrought iron cage contains naked witch
Mind flayer meditating in throne of dead elf.
goblins around table, playing game with map, dice
Eight orcs ate orcs
Blue-furred gnolls play dice, armed with javelin-snakes
Lone warrior on top of pile of orks.
Pool. Echoes.
Sobbing head of child stuck on killing monster
Seven secret hands of doom
Rust monster torturing iron living statue.
Iron golem needs cure for depression
Statue holds piece of rod of seven parts
Crypt. Bugs.
Brass statue shoots lasers at paladins and clerics
Shroud spider lair. 1d8 paralyzed victims.
Gate into half-scale copy of campaign world.
Gravity pulls toward west wall. Displacer beast.
Marble altar holds shriveled silver-nailed six-fingered hand 
Mountable monster stable, six stalls filled.
Buried longship infested with immortal crab people.
Subterranean arena. Fight for glory and grand prizes!
There are seven skeletons in this closet.
No skeleton in this closet. Rats.
Dust covered kitchen. D4 ghoul cooks.
Extremely high ceiling, narrow spiral stairs eroded away
Four greyhounds eat raw meat off black tiles
Ghoul cooks are in fact cursed princesses
Glass sphere contains black pudding and green slime
Missing prince sleeps on pedestal. Impossible to wake.
Sun chariot; horses and one wheel missing.
Snow globe sucks you in when touched.
Wode tattooed pigs pursue, nipping at heels.
Floor collapses, revealing prizes of those before you.
Fragmenting floor trap. Cursed diamond.
Piercers everywhere.
Quicksand floor, room entangled with tree roots
One hundred and sixty seven rods of manipulation
North wall strong magnet, attracts all metals.
Cells, shadows, Spinneskelle.
Fractal ooze suspended in glass cage
Cell holds guy in iron mask.
Copper basins filled with hagfish, tended by monk
Gigantic mechanical computer/machine tells future, 50% right.
Thirteen adult bodies sewn together in one giant masterpiece.
Giant black heron worshipped by crucified witches
Empty
Dust covered remains of 1d6 humanoids.
Giant lizardman hones his sword, sits on trapdoor
Northern wall is illusionary, hiding treasure.
A vampire tends to her thralls here.
Huge pile of stakes. Note says "No hammer?"
Ancient tapestries cover the walls and hide doors.
Stone floor covered in lurid green grass
Goblins have stuffed the pigs with snakes 
An otyugh sits upon garbage, dispensing questionable wisdom.
Black throne, inlaid with marble eyes. Night hag.
Ice sculpture of large crane, egg embedded inside
A parlor. Couches, bookshelves, large pillows. Chrysanthemums.
Entrance to the Underdark, through living giant worm.
Luminescent ink fountain. Anything removed glows ten days.
Cursed ape-skin whip deals damage to wielder
Passwalling thief pickpockets stuff. Flees east.
Techno dwarfs calibrate huge drill for excavation
Discarded yeti prototypes. 
Museum of skin.
Control room with levers and buttons and lights.
A knight in green armor and his goatscorpion
Winch opens portcullis on a lower level.
bridge over river, a place to rest
Six lions, lounging on luxurious pillows
Here lives a tiny dragon that zaps you.
air elementals won't let anybody leave room
Unerring bow, with instructions. Requires unicorn gut string. 
Carved circle in floor disenchants items.
Demonic altar summons blood-sucking flies.
goblet, white liquid, snickering goblins.
Stairs out. Leads to baron's cellar. 
Here waits +5 Vorpal Slayer Of All Knights.
Color-coded ropes to bells in other rooms.
Dead end. (Map says otherwise, may be illusion).
Drunken wizard cheers the imps with grog
Grave with your name, obviously from ancient times.
Basin of water holds sliver of the moon
Black crystal statue (valuable?) causes horrid hallucinations.
Vials of uniquely brightly coloured dusts. Valuable pigments. 
Giant clockwork, controlling all time outside this room.
Seventy-seven steep stairs descend into darkness.
Pool of divine commune. Offerings necessary. 
Dragon egg on fire, carefully tended by kobolds.
Ranting human attempts to stab any demi-human.
Here light does not cast shadows.
Gremlin heads hollowed to make various grenades.
Two hobgoblins oil-wrestle. Many females cheer. Throw coppers. 
Small white rabbit. Turns out harmless.
Wet clay walls, locals leave hand- and headprints.
Lots of ants, carrying body parts around.
Four thieves transport huge cache, then explodes.
Interrogation room. Feathers, love potions, alcohol, caged Goblin.
Collection of crystal skulls harboring alien intellects.
Bugbears ambush from chambered ceiling.
Adventurer with eating curse, too fat to escape
Secret compartment in ceiling holds vomit and treasure.
Walls depict horrible sacrifice. Humans eaten by monster.
Sword in stone on throne of bone, groans.
Bowl of drowning on watery altar.
Journal of explorer, written in blood
Teleportation device to dungeon entrance.
Stacks of ruined mouldering books on iron spikes.
Moss covered north wall reveals many footholds.
Bejewelled reliquary atop shaft of poisoned spikes. 
Halfling Knight of the Bottomless Pit eating pears
Water wells from center hole, streams up walls
Giant spiders trap and cocoon the unwary.
Behind this doors, eight more await.
Sediment fills this room to the ceiling
Access to sniper's gallery above 2d6 neighbouring rooms. 
Seven lost dwarfs, arguing.
Halfling hooked to machine drools jale slime
Beholder holds court over blinded medusas.
Bottles of poison gas atop rickety pillars: careful!
Fire breathing dragon atop treasure hoard.
Beheadad elves branded with fae rune for "boring"
Rube Goldberg machine makes healing potion, needs opals. 
Stone jars with pickled herring
Orc sleeping.
Footprints, running.
Room of mirrors. Each saves one memory.
Ceiling hole leads to other times and places.
Discarded length of chain attached to broken collar
This chamber is tidal.
Doors of room distort echoes in nearby rooms.
Slowly moving stone orrery. Tampering shakes dungeon.
Lots of barrels, full of foul water.
This room suffocates all in 1d4 rounds..
 overflowing with rotten food due to faulty Cornucopia.
A fish tank.
Friendly flesh golem provides possible henchman.
Moat around perimeter, throne in center.
Books about (1d4) history, magic, geography, local nobility.
dagger - wounds trail blue ichor. Good for tracking. 
Injured mi-go, ready to bargain.
Huge, sealed, stone jars filled with fresh blood.
Blind minotaur walks mosaic labyrinth, holds lantern 
Permanent dancing lights, dancing. To what?
Flesh golem - damaged: needs new arms. 
Depowered mechanical bear. Find fuel, win companion.
Stalactites and stalagmites close like teeth.
A thief cries over corpse of dead companion
Inhabitant species' puppet theatre.
Strange Cult sings praises for your prophecised return.
Concert room with instruments. Playing one summons Olidammara.
Four-armed gorilla enters your dreams if slain
sword in stone really a lever for pit-trap
It's bigger on the inside.
pile of skulls, head of goblin scuplture.
Spider web made from steel rope by dwarves.
A dead tree covered in crawling claws
Valve wheel fills and empties a room elsewhere.
Bottled vampire. Communicate magically or throw for rampage. 
Evil altar, offerings summon helpful imp.
Quivering, gibbering slime walls shifting according to mood.
large gem glued to floor. Much sniggering.
Three magic mouths discuss philosophy.
Wine barrels. Good vintage. One contains preserved monster.
Ferns, mist. 
Giant stone nose sniffs passersby.
Weeping child and Cockroach Demon.
Green slime footprints end in apparent blank wall.
Large brazier in floor, crated provisions, blankets.
Empty. Smells less bad than elsewhere.
Recent camp. Signs of battle. Deserted.
Ancient mural of elves riding feathered tyrannosaurs.
Some adventurers have hastily dropped their equipment here.
Clockwork band plays national anthem, then attacks foreigners.
Cobwebs and firewood.
Wax museum curated by giant bees.
Privy, finally.
Dead dwarf under makeshift cairn. Wall partly excavated.
Crystal ooze, escaped from nearby privy.
Kobolds burning hobbit effigy.
Hyena-man with halfling embedded in back eats pie
Sad donkey bears bags of plunder. Owners dead.
broken bottles, discarded underwear, food, balloons. 
Bishop of the Demon Pope unpacking his valise 
Tiny bronze shoes. Home to evasive hermit crabs. 
Giant lice (half inch long), love plate armour. 
Thick fug. Rancid divan. Sleeping Tallowbride.
Stranded Githyanki spy cell: undead rations, khopeshes. 
Armoury. Twenty-seven different flails.
Flying glass fish contain colored potions
Room gone. Black pit miles deep
Single mimic masquerading as altar, sacrifice, beastman priest. 
Brass reliquary, giant's toe, +3 strength if underfoot.
Hobgoblin school of fence. Six visiting masters.
Reversed gravity. Collapsed ceiling leads to upper level.
Blood cellar, vampire blood tasting ongoing.
empty pit, bottom filled with tiny fish bones.
Flooded room. Peeing kid statue(fountain). Someone who drowned.
Dead ape god. He who would be king.
Loam.
Prison cell, grey old woman inside, wants beer.
Mole infestation. Next d6 rooms are spongy, weakened.
Planeshifters made portal, start invading dungeon from here.
Gothic two level room with battlements and courtyard.
Tapestries depicting the last and next two rooms.
Cloakroom, a living shadow hunts here.
Insect egg hatchery. Piles of stripped humanoid bones.
Lit with eternally-aflame bodies.
Old humanoids are left to die here.
Trap room (1D8+3 traps)
Cakes. If eaten save or eat another (cumulative -1).
Kennel, 2d10 dire dogs, body parts.
Shrine: statue of woman rising out of mushrooms
Empty bunk beds 
Shrine: handsome statue has face on both sides
Oil, 5' deep.
Moving room (like the staircases in harry potter)
Everything you say here is heard by angels.
Reverse gravity
Fearsome standing wolf statue surrounded by votive candles
The lich's moving men, laden with furniture, organ.
A hog house.
Spun-glass statue, cradled by sleeping ettin.
Subtle door found if 3 light sources present
Shrine: statue of vulture-headed man draped in robes
Reverse intentions. Save or do the opposite.
Statue alcove, empty. Garden, trampled. Letter, discarded.
The dragon's nest with egg. 50% dragon here.
Temple, missing altarpiece. Dead abbot tattooed with map.
Seems like river Styx goes through here.
Roots of the Demon Tree, remains of victims.
Smashed furniture.
Woman in red dress weeps on golden throne
Vase with violets, red cake. Sign: "Eat me."
Air elemental asks for help, trapped whirlwind.
Dead former henchmen lie in ambush.
alien writing on walls. pictures of disgusting creatures.
Snake statue of green metal, gem in mouth
Bottle of every emotion. Somebody drank hate.
Goblin Queen copper bust. Rubbing nose brings luck.
Kobolds lair in the celing, with boiling oil.
Dungeon crabs, fencing.
Kobold nobles, having tea. Precious furniture.
This is the bottom of the bottomless pit.
Inhabitant's living room.
Weapon storage. One magic rusty dagger left.
Workshop of a mason.
Workshop of a gemcutter.
Workshop of a sculptor.
Wood storage. Mostly soaked and rotten.
Acid drips from ceiling. Somebody installed bottling plant.
Here lies the oblong rug.
Giant chained to anvil, forced to forge weapons.
cold furnace with piles of books around it
Former throne room, now an abandoned storage room.
Prison cells (1d4) POW, human flock, thief, murderer.
Rough furniture, singing bird in cage.
Mud pit full of eels.
Bedroom.
Cartographer's room.
Living room, furniture made of rat bones.
Deformed skull with magic mouth spell welcomes visitors.
Dozens of 10' poles: splintered, cracked and broken.
Frogmen gamble over bone dice. Biggest one cheating. 
Doormaker's workshop. One magical door leads home.
Tesla coils, iron cage, hanging chains, sleeping abomination.
Engineer's workshop, 1d4 automaton guards.
frog statue, insects placed in mouth become gold.
Goblins fighting over mushrooms.
Dismembered cow
Built of the bones of the sacrificed god
Knee-deep in dead gelatinous cube
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