Wednesday, January 1, 2014

27 Things I Almost Forgot I Did On This Blog This Year

The Spinneskelle--spooky undead wand monster

Pterodactroll--pretty much what it sounds like.

I turned that comic book Cosmic Odyssey into a mini campaign handbook

My highest-level character started buying maps--still buying them, BTW

I also investigated ways to get 25,000 xp on his behalf.

Defined antimemes. Either: D&D blogging in general has gotten better, D&D blogging has just dropped off to a point where trends aren't noticeable any more, or this article actually worked. I haven't seen anybody talk up an antimeme on their blog in ages.

Drew and designed a bunch of mechs for that Mekton/Pendragon game we only got to do like 6 sessions of.

Search-and-replace dungeon. I should do more of these.

Actually read all the way through Expedition To The Ruins Of Greyhawk and wrote all about it.

Actually read all the way through Red Hand Of Doom and wrote all about it.

Made this totally failed FLAILSNAILS experiment.

Visited post-apocalyptic New York.

Identified the rhetorical device known as Comic Book Guy's Razor.

Found out how you could put numbers on a map automatically.

Noted the disagreeability of manticores.

Wrote up some cats.

Collaborated with G+ to find out what halfling cities are like.

We also did 100 things about magic books.

And I wrote 100 ways to break curses.

Listened to WOTC guys play D&D.

Talked about how crunch can create a sense of desperation.

Talked about meeting the characters you play.

I forgot about the videos at the end of this post. I love them.

Wrote up the Danger Room Method of PC balance.

Made this list for people looking for local people to play D&D with. I should do that again.

Went to Indiecade and wrote about how games relate to real life.

Wrote up d100 ideas from the 1001 Arabian Knights and a Dr Strange comic.


Monday, December 30, 2013

How Patrick Got Stepped On

Dieter have best hat! Now you give sheep!
"I'm so sick of fighting those cannibal mermaids in the moat around the dungeon every time we want to go in."
"Yeah?"
"Can we ask that alchemist what we can use to poison the moat?"
"Well," he says "mercury in sufficient levels would make any body of water uninhabitable".
"How much would it take to do the whole moat? And quickly?"
"Oh, I'd say 3 large barrels."
"And where could we buy that?"
"Well, hatters use mercury for felting, but that is quite a large amount--the Hatter's Guild in Vornheim might have 3 barrels..."
"What if we got a giant hat?"
"A giant's hat might yield three barrels of mercury..."
"Ok, so we head north with a load of drunk sheep, right? And we tell the giants we're having a Best Hat Contest and the prize is 300 sheep and..."
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Saturday, December 28, 2013

D30 D&Dables From The He-Man And She-Ra Christmas Special

1, Bat shield
2, Purple hair, butterfly wings
3, A device used to spy on a lich
4, Ettin: half blue half purple
5, Lich servant: alligator man
6, Blue elf wizard learning about the ceremonies of foreign cultures
7, …and saving human children from an avalanche
8, Carrium water crystal required for teleportation spell
9, Crystal swamp
10, Mermaid with Russian accent
11, Amphibious aqua tyranosaurus
12, Lavender golems that shoot beams that put you in a bubble
13, "Monstroid Central"
14, Valkyrie with flaming sword
15, Dark gaseous spirit that lives in an asteroid
16, A pair of liches that obey it
17, Hand of steel
18, Psychedelic owl
19, About to shoot a bow? You're frozen.
20, Peacock throne that has clairvoyance
21, Blue halfling with cyborg parts
22, Sword that turns into a rope like I guess Ivy from Soul Calibur
23, Tripwires against giant foes
24, Ram-horned skull staff of spell storing
25, Lich inside a flying manta ray
26, Lich with hostages marooned in the snow
27, Serpent-prowed vehicle
28, Dog left to die in the snow
29, Snowbeast vs. lich
30, A cracked, volcanic plain
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Thursday, December 26, 2013

6 Simple Martial Arts Systems

The problem with most martial arts systems in D&D is they either add steps to combat (thus slowing everything down), require no in-game choices (so you barely notice them in the game)--or they focus too much on individual moves (making it into, effectively, a whole second Vancian magic system where the player has to go around "collecting" lone moves unattached to any wider fighting style in order to behave differently than other PCs in combat).

So anyway I created these simple but relatively abstracted martial arts systems. Any one school should give a practitioner a slightly different feel in a fight and a dedicated PC who went around and put in the effort to learn more than one style should find themselves with a series of useful but not cumbersome or redundant abilities.

"Should"--these are untested. Feel free to test them--#1 seems to me, at the moment, the best-designed.

Consider these martial arts to be kind of like magic items--you have to adventure to find them but, once found, yeah, you're better than you used to be.

In order to learn a school of martial arts you have to:

A) Find a teacher of that school--which should be as hard as finding a magic item.

B) Spend half the xp that would be necessary to go from the bottom of the level you're at to the bottom of the next level.

1. Drownesian

If an opponent makes an attack in close combat and misses, the opponent takes damage from your automatic skillful counterstrike as if the foe had successfully struck himself/herself. This ability counts as your attack action for the round (or the next, if you've already acted), does not have to be announced in advance and can be used once per opponent in any given encounter.

(Many D&Ds give the option to "fight defensively"--not striking a blow, but improving AC by 4. This martial arts style may be used in conjunction with this combat move.)



2. Thousand Monkey Style

Look at your Wis, Dex, Str, Con and level. Take the highest one.

First, you may also treat this score as your ascending armor class when not wearing armor, or use its modifier if wearing only leather.

Second, once per day, if you fail an ability check or to-hit roll that you would have made if your score had been equal to this higher ability score, you instead succeed. (This is how wizened old men manage to kick everyone's ass in kung fu movies--they are using their level for checks.)

This style may be "relearned" multiple times to gain the ability to substitute scores more than once per day, up to a maximum of three times.


3. Northern Mountain Fist

Your damage dice explode. (This is why kung fu people use crappy weapons like throwing stars or their fists or random pieces of wood--a d4 is way more likely to explode than a d8.) If you roll max damage twice in a row when exploding and the damage die is at least d4, you add your whole level to the damage.

Also, when unarmed, your initiative improves. It is +1 if the game usually does not have initiative modifiers standard and +1d4 each round if it does.


4. Southern Island Styles

You know a series of unarmed combat moves which make your strike in combat able to act in most practical ways identically to a single melee weapon of your choice--reach, damage, space needed, etc. So, for example, if your style gave you the abilities of a chain, you'd be able to easily entangle limbs at 10'. These moves have names unrelated to the weapons they imitate so, for example, a scimitar-imitating style might be called the Raging Sting Talon.

(Bruce Lee's 1-inch punch is clearly a style that imitates a dagger--doing d4+str damage at only the distance one would need to to use a knife. A full-on flying kick would be more like a 2 handed sword--big damage, but needing a lot of room.)

You also have the option to choose a style imitating a throwable melee weapon such as a throwing axe or dagger--this allows the martial artist to leap, traveling the distance the weapon would travel, strike, and land near the target or leap back to where they began (and only there) on their melee turn. (Arrows, spears, javelins and other long-distance projectiles may not be imitated.)

Multiple Southern Island styles may be learned from the same teacher--the PC chooses the weapon in each case.


5. School of the Purple Lotus Emperor

Once per day, the character may focus ki energy and roll a d30 in lieu of whatever die or dice the situation normally calls for. The choice to roll the d30 must be made before any roll. The d30 cannot be rolled for generating character statistics or hit points.


6. School of the Golden Mantis

Gain a Kung Fu number. "Re-learning" this style of martial arts through more practice (spending more xp) can grant a PC a maximum of 5 kung fu numbers.
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Wednesday, December 25, 2013

How To Get D&D Dice In A Pop-O-Matic Bubble--Cheap

Valhalla, I am coming.

Step 1: Get yourself a copy of Trouble. (Thanks Mandy!)
This is the one I got. Poor fucking yellow peg has no idea.

Note resemblance to Edvard Munch's "The Scream". 

Step 2: Get yourself a full set of tiny dice (thanks whoever sent me mine, it was ages ago and I forgot where I got them, I'm a jerk and I'm sorry--oh wait, they're the dice that came with LOTFP!).
I suggest you take out the extra d10--otherwise it gets crowded in the bubble and the d4 doesn't always flip.

Also: probably don't get those little metal ones. The exact reason they're good normally--they're heavy despite their size--is why they don't flip well in the bubble. Likewise, the reason regular tiny dice suck--they fly all over--is why they work in the bubble.

Step 3: Flip the Trouble board over and, using a flathead screwdriver, carefully pry the central hatch open. Go clockwise or counterclockwise, loosening the "north" then the "east" then the "south" side, etc.

Step 4: Marvel at the simplicity of the pop-o-matic bubble's construction: it's just a piece of sheet metal in a frame. It's not even glued in, just sandwiched between the hatch and the bubble.

From the bottom up, it's: hatch, sheet metal, dice, bubble.
Take the sheet metal and original die out and put your dice in.
Then close it up and test it.
Then take all the bits out again because you'll probably wanna trim the board down now and if you leave the bubble and dice intact while you do that they'll probably fly all over the place.

Step 5:  Trim down the board so it's just the bubble.
I used pinking shears to cut through the original rim, then scored the board with a razor in a straight line all the way across a few times, then bent it. It tore fairly clean.
Just do that 4 times.
Tip: don't trim the board too close to the bubble--you want there to be enough plastic left for the hatch to not get warped.

(At this point, you might be asking: Hey, why not trim it first and then pop the hatch? Because having the rest of the board there gives you more leverage and makes the whole operation easier.)

Step 6: Once it's trimmed, reassemble the bits. Flip it bubble-up and hammer the corners so the hatch gets stuck on nice and tight. Then put tape around the edges--this will keep the hatch on (though you can go ahead and glue it, too)--and will keep the sharp hard plastic edges from cutting anybody.
If you did it right, all the dice should roll each time you pop.

Step 7: Go "Yay, now I can roll all the dice at the push of a button! But...what will I play?????" And go buy a pdf of Vornheim for 2.50$ at RPGnow.
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Monday, December 23, 2013

FROTHY OFFER: WIN VOMIT!


Former Toffy With Vino!


Fifth Ivory Wormy Often!

Wintry Hoof Vim Effort!

Forfeit Ivy Mown Froth!

Verify Onto Fifth Worm!
Refortify if Vow Month!


What costs 2.50$ ? That's less than one High Life.

The PDF of Vornheim--that city book I put out: 2.50$.

As is Qelong (best southeast asian D&D supplement ever, best map ever) and Seclusium (best Vincent Baker thing ever) and Carcosa (best and most useful hexcrawl-product ever).

For the price of this:
...you can get pretty much everything LOTFP ever put out.

Lots of rules and terribleness, cheap for the holidays.
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Saturday, December 21, 2013

Intimations in the Gilded Isles

Dear Connie,
Everybody is still waiting for your advice but, hey, I know you've been busy.

Anyway: remember that session where you ate future Mandy's brain? So you know some spells she had ready and have "erratic knowledge of the future"?

Well here's some of the echoes you hear in your sleep. Do what you like with them over the coming weeks....

Drownesia
(the tropical archipelago where our heroes currently find themselves)

Iron roads
Drain swine
Rain noise
Dinoraiders
A weird snow
Eon swords
Seawind

Drowners


Garden of the Bone Sorcerer
(the dungeon the party just broke into)

Cobra Throne
Scorn Forge
Crossbreed Ogre
Gore Drone
Crone Orb Seer


City of Asacaracc
(Dim island metropolis of bleak atrocities)

Scarcraft
Scarcity
Icy Cysts
Fey Rift
Fatty Coast


Lake Hali
(In which Asacaracc dimly is mirrored)

Alkali Hail


Black Pyramid
(Where the White Leopard Orchid zombies were taking things from the Gardens of the Bone Sorcerer)

Lick Mark
Damp=Bad
Dry=Dark
Mad Imp
Ymrik Dirk


Eel King's Library
(Recently unearthed within the Gardens)

Grey Ink Labels
Eyeball Key
Binary Layering
Liebringer
Reign of the Glib King
Realign Gallery
Bleary Girl


Viridian Knight
(Servant of glistening Tiamat, subject of great sacrifices)

Invading Triad
Divining Grid
Virgin Hive
Grinding Hand


Ot Etf'a Imit Melpa 
(One of the larger collections of spires, steps and stupas in the Drownesian jungle)

Fatal Appetite
Impale Fetal Female
Metal Foam
Temple of Tiamat


Dalafesh Opnow
(Ditto)

Flesh Wasp
Deaf Pasha
Fondled Opal
Wolfspawn
Shown A Panda
Falsehood, False Shape, Pawn
Plane Of Shadow


Lotus Sinecure
(The largest Drownesian city on the isle)

Rescue Cute Niece
Courtier Coleus
Tenuous Line
Soul Cure
Oust Tier
Nice Couture Entices
Untrue Noise
Unseelie Court
Suet Utensil
Silent Neurotic
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