Sunday, March 3, 2013

What's a 15th level Cleric Look Like In Your Game?

Sister Superior, Vornheim, Year of the Incinerator

_____
In other news, Jez, a player in my on-line game, wrote this largely accurate love letter to the Cobalt Reach's newest warlord.
______

Cleric from Italian Vogue, brought to my attention via Jeff's Tumblr

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Dense & Difficult

Once upon a time I saw this in a comic book store and I saw the friendly and familiar DC Comics logo on it and I did not buy it...
...since it was a Morrison/Case Doom Patrol comic, those of you in the know are already realizing I am an idiot.

Or at least I would be for a few more months.

At the time I just glazed over the (unbelievably well-painted) Simon Bisley Doom Patrol covers the way a kid would glaze over dozens of other comics whose logos he or she didn't recognize. Then I'd stop, look back for a second at the Bisley cover, accept some small part of its deep weirdness into my brain, then decide (almost unconsciously) this was some kind of esoterica for other, older people, and keep moving.

I was experiencing what I'm gonna call the Dense & Difficult reaction.

If you're me, you read these two words a lot when you go around looking up reviews of things you like, in all cultural registers...Gravity's Rainbow, Neurosis' Souls At Zero, Eyehategod's  Take As Needed For Pain, Giffen's Legion Of Super Heroes Vol 4, Werner Herzog movies, Ulysses.

The phrases usually don't refer to some absolute difficulty scale but just relative to what the audiences expect. Legion Vol 4 is not Ulysses by a long shot, but relative to its audiences' expectations of what's gonna be in a comic book called Legion of Super Heroes it is.

Dense and Difficult usually comes up like "Most audiences found the piece too Dense and Difficult and it failed and the author died miserably with only a pile of ugly dog carcasses to mark his miserable grave". (This is pretty much what happened to Herman Melville after he wrote the great Dense and Difficult novel of American literature but before he was rediscovered.)

For a long time I didn't get the Dense & Difficult reaction. I never had it to anything. The first time I picked up Naked Lunch I liked it, the first time I heard Pink Floyd's Final Cut I liked it and was surprised, years later, to find out how many millions of people didn't.

Bisley's Doom Patrol covers, though, gave me the reaction. I avoided those comics. Which is odd because twelve months later I'd have a subscription and I'd know Simon Bisley was the best artist in the whole comic book world.

____________

I stopped having my Dense & Difficult reaction and here's how...

I had a copy of DC Comics Who's Who--a guide to all the shiny friendly things I wanted to know all about. From Aquaman to Zzzzazzala. With shiny friendly happy pictures.

Here was DP interior artist Richard Case's Who's Who illustration of Doom Patrol villains The Brotherhood of Dada :
Richard Case Drew This
The name was weird, the costumes were weird, their goals were obscure, their powers unfathomable but, really, that's 90% of comics. They were bad guys who fought good guys in a lurid landscape and that was nothing I wasn't into. I went to buy the back issue they were in and was surprised to see it was this one...
Simon Bisley Drew This
...with the Dense and Difficult cover. And I opened it up and I read it and it was wonderful and life has never been the same. Because Motherfucking Grant Morrison Doom Patrol (Especially When Steve Yeowell Drew It).

_______

Bisley was Dense (the longer you look at that picture, the more you'll see) and it was Difficult (at least it had obviously been for me) and it was so worth it.

Something they never tell you about Dense & Difficult art is that, in lacking the standardized polish we expect from the usual commercial product (ably represented above by Case) it is, for all its difficulty, a lot easier to see how it was made. And, therefore, it communicates the message "You, too, could do this" in a way a more processed image does not.

For all the Difficulty of Crass, Amebix or Big Black, it is clearly just a certain number of voices and instruments making a certain number of organized noises, for all the difficulty of a Godard film, it shows you clearly that movies are just cameras pointed at people talking, for all the difficulty of Bisley's cover, his technique makes it obvious how a jagged line turns into the shape of an arm and paint strokes organized in a certain way make a boot. Regular comics hide behind the sheen the process provides: Richard Case's opaque ink shapes look like they were born that way and that background color looks like no earthly force a kid with a pen, a pencil and a set of markers has access to. Try to get a piece of paper to do that.

That is, the Dense and the Difficult are often intimately tied to the DIY.

Traditional commercial art is like a magic show: easy and accessible for any audience, but made that way by Phil Spectorish layers of sleight of hand designed to tell you This Is Unlike Anything In Your Normal Life, This Is An Exceptional Experience Worth Paying For TM Just Sit Back And Leave It To The Professionals.

There's a reason a good magician never reveals his tricks: then he'd have to leave the comfort and old armor of Presentation behind and skate by (like Penn and Teller) on only what is new in the show they're putting on.

_____

Now to get back to what the fuck my blog is supposed to be about, RPGs have always been Dense & Difficult--as games go. And there are people who love RPGs but just hate that.

The first D&D things I got were the original Red Box--widely considered the most accessible version of D&D ever written, and Unearthed Arcana--a second-rate accessory to the most inexplicable version of D&D ever written.

The Red Box did a great, shiny, commercial job of teaching me how to play the game.

But Unearthed Arcana is what convinced me the game was worth playing. It was Dense it was Difficult, it was almost incomprehensible, it had Sword, Broad "Final Word" Type, it had a picture of a Bec De Corbin. It had nine kinds of gnomes, it explained that the Sword, Khopesh was an Ideal Druidical Instrument and did not have stats for a druid.  It had sigils and secrets and Evard's Black Tentacles. It looked more like a spellbook than anything I'd ever seen.

The Red Box said "Hey, it's your world, do whatever".

Arcana said "There is a world behind the world and this is the tip of that iceberg".

And when I finally got the DMG? Seldom is the name of Vecna spoken, except in a hushed voice, and never within the hearing of strangers. How could you not play that game until you died?

The pre 2e Dungeons and Dragons art and writing are not always good but they are sui generis--there is no other media that looks like it in its combination of grimoire-ish linework and Oh My God It Has To Look Exactly Like This semiprofessional enthusiasm. Much of the later D&D art is great but looks like stuff you might see elsewhere like in a Tolkien calendar or a video game concept art. The early D&D art looks like....early D&D art and that's it.

When it is bad, it's bad in the way only something genuinely experimental could be--you tried something new and failed. Which is a good thing to do.

______

Point is...we need both.

Yes, there needs to be the comfortable accessible new thing but we also need the convoluted nightmare of esoterica.

A lot of independent versions of D&D seem to privilege accessibility uber alles--open shapes and colors, familiar lines, homespun language, an intentionally pop sensibility, the standard graphic designer  bag of tricks, friendliness, hand-holding, no experiments--and that is needed. But it is not the only thing needed, because, in the end, you make the thing comfortable by making it like stuff you already know, you make it fun by making it unlike stuff you already know.
_
_

Friday, March 1, 2013

Clock In

1. Next time you plan to read and prep a module (or just part of one) you're going to use in a game, look at the clock when you start.

If it's something huge and long, just count the time you spent prepping the part you're planning to use and reading any other stuff in the module that was necessary to run that part.

2. Then look at the clock again when you finish.

3. How long did it take? Write that number down.

4. Then, after running that module (or that bit of it) count how many hours worth of gaming you got out of it.

5. Then, the next time you want to run a game, think of a picture or a short passage from a book you really like, even just a phrase, and sit down and write an adventure from scratch spending exactly the same amount of time you spent on steps 1 and 2.

6. Figure out how much the module or the fraction of the module you prepped cost. (Maybe it was free, if so, skip this step). Use that money to buy something that would make the game you are about to run more fun like miniatures or funny dice or beer or a punching nun puppet to hit your players with when the evil cleric attacks.

6. Run it.

7. Compare the results.

8. Write about the results in the comments to this post.

_

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Antimeme

Here's a blog post about blogging. So you can go ahead and skip it if you just want the game stuff.

But anyway--

Tip: Avoid antimemes.

An Antimeme is an idea so self-evidently dumb that it's mostly spread by people explaining why they disagree with it...

....yet not so self-evidently dumb that the spreaders realize they don't have to explain.
No.... no....
An antimeme isn't like Nazism or God Hates Individuals Of The Homosexual Persuasion--these ideas get to be on TV and would probably be famous no matter what and, besides that, everybody in 2013 pretty much knows they don't need to explain why they're stupid.

Antimemes, on the other hand, seem just plausible enough to someone somewhere that folks regularly feel the need to boldly announce their opposition to them. "The moon is made of green cheese" is not an antimeme, "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" is.

An antimeme is also not spread primarily for journalistic reasons: that Texas board of education plank where they said Texas shouldn't teach kids critical thinking skills is not an antimeme because it was spread by people who just wanted folks to know about it and laugh. Peeps didn't, by-and-large, feel the need to write essays telling anybody why this was scary and wrong. The news and opinion outlets trusted their audience to know that merely by dint of the fact that it was their audience.

Antimemes, on the other hand, are accidentally spread by well-meaning but deluded people who inaccurately think of the antimemic idea as dangerous and possibly viral and want to nip it in the bud. That is: they think others will take it seriously enough that the idea might someday affect something important when, in reality, it totally won't.

Imagine a doctor who discovers a rare and poisonous salamander, deep in the jungle crowning a remote and uninhabited Pacific Island a few latitudes north of Antarctica. Imagine this doctor then catching it, breeding thousands of them and sending them to research labs all over the planet in the hopes of finding a cure instead of just, y'know, leaving the lizard on its dumb island and doing more interesting things. It's like that.

Antimemes and antimeme carriers aren't really a big problem. They're just boring.

People usually spread antimemes because they make a mistake about their audience. They somehow find themselves in the audience for a bad idea, they then make two mistakes:
1. Assuming anyone irrational enough to believe the idea is also rational enough to ever do anything that matters
2. Assuming anyone irrational enough to believe the idea is also rational enough to grasp an explanation of why it is wrong

Rather than bearding the antimemist in its lair and keeping the dumb idea in the dumb place, the carrier complains about it somewhere else and, thereby, boosts its signal.

In order to take my own advice, I'll use two examples so horse-out-of-the-barn that I'm not risking spreading them any more than they're already spread:

"People who play old games only play them for nostalgia's sake"and "People who play 4e only play it because they are anime-loving WoW addicts and there are lawns and they should get off them".

Announcing you believe either of these things is announcing you are inimical to truth, evidence and reason. You might as well have said "Judgement cow is couched in pie sparkle!" and said it from on top of an oil drum on a crowded street corner wearing nothing but Mardi Gras beads with mutton in  your butt. People walking by your street corner can and maybe should tell you to fuck off because you deserve to suffer for your lies about judgment cow and because, hey, maybe you can be reached, but if you go to your friends, in their homes and go "Y'know, this guy said judgement cow's couched in pie sparkle and that's just wrong in so many ways and it burns my ass because..." then things have gone awry.

Sometimes even dumb ideas can make you have thoughts. And sometimes sometimes these thoughts are even original and useful. Sometimes. But if you just showed up to say Dumb Idea Is Dumb then, yeah, everyone worth knowing knew that, and the rest aren't reachable.
_

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

This Week In Improbable Murder

Thursday:

Area PCs Drop Mule Corpse Onto Band Of Ascending Gnolls, Level
Narrow Shaft, Simulated Physics Suspected In Sextuple Teraticide

Friday:

Paraplegic Goblin, Level 1, Swallowed By Dragon, Survives By Polymorphing Into House Halfway Down
Dragon Slain, Heirs Impoverished

Saturday:

Area Wizard Bitten By Toad, Stops Living
Druid Claims Responsibility From Beneath Porch

An unnamed 12th level wizard fell to a single-hit-die toad this afternoon outside his one-story home in the Forbidden City with his apprentice, also deceased. The toad was reportedly an agent of a hiding druid-- "Well in round one I cast Entangle on the wizard's bugbear bodyguards but he just undid it," said the druid, unwilling to reveal his name to reporters, "So then but in round two the bugbears charged toward everyone obvious while the wizard put up an antimagic globe. So I sent a toad in there because why not? I mean, I love animals and they love me but, seriously, 12th level wizard? Anyway he failed his save vs poison so he's dead now. I got his bracers."

Sunday: 

Area Lich Falls Victim To Metal Hook On Rope

"There's a mindless 12 hit die thing that looks kinda like this-
...allied with a lich," local Baron Blixa Apfelsaft explained "After a useless round where it managed to kill my dog (which had recently been reincarnated as a wolverine, but that's anyway whatever), I threw a grappling hook at the lich, threw the other end of the rope into the rotating-blade golem and that was pretty much that. One hit from some magic arrow Malice picked up somewhere did the rest."

"Afterwards we were all like 'Wait? That was a lich?' and the GM was all 'Yyyyup'"

"The wolverine got reincarnated as an ogre mage later that day. That was a whole thing."

Monday:

Area Cleric Unexpectedly Becomes Vampire, Slays Ally Running With Giant Brain
Giant Manscorpion Also Slain, Incident "Confusing" Claim Authorities

Reborn Proto-God Extensively Harassed By Roving Adventurers
Elf Also Dies, Players Disappointed At Lackluster xp Haul
Trentacle Kangrat, Age Unknown, Antipodea: "Well we made him run away, that counts for something, right?"
Tuesday:

Disturbing Twist In Underhive Murder
Experts And Players Baffled

Nyxotte the Denier, cleric of Azag-Thoth, frustrated by a statue of the Buddha unnervingly lacking in any secret doors and worth 0 gp and terrified by the sight of a swarm of fireflies, tried to swim across a silt-larded river in the Underhive beneath Sigil. Something doing 16 points of damage on a bite pulled him under, killing him instantly.

Xorth the Insinuator, cleric of Lolth, appeared seconds later, appalled to find her archenemy dead, but delighted to loot his firearms and don his sacred mask, "I will infiltrate the deviant Unchurch of Azag-Thoth and...you do realize, scribe, that should you print this your life is forfeit?" said the freshly-minted 3d6-in-order elf.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Akayle Ozph

Cultural appropriation is awesome
Those who have seen the faces of Akayle Ozph say that one is a black elf, one is a white goblin and each face has one blind eye. He is twenty feet tall, holds a spear and a chained chalice, and walks on a river of charred men. He seeks disruption and inversion, his numbers are 17 and 17 times 17.

Humanity, in its xenophobia, describes him in its grimoires as "an evil god" but actually he is properly neither, he stands in relation to the concepts of godhood and goodness as the titans do to Zeus. Akayle Ozph's domain is chaos and primacy.

He is worshipped by the mutilated and by those who weep and suffer, those cursed with ability score modifiers totalling less than zero, by the preterite and by those outraged at first principles.

He was long imprisoned by Vorn, Demoneater. It is rumored he has been released in southern lands, and chosen a paladin to spread his gospel.


His clerics are given dominion over fire, fear, secrecy and frustration. His color is blue and the snail is his creature.

His champions must wield two weapons (splitting the attack bonus), but one must be blasphemous. They detect Law at 60' and radiate Protection from it at 10'. Their charge is to inveigle and zealously overthrow.


It is claimed that his vengeance on the gods who have scorned him (including nearly all the pantheons currently in vogue with the civilized races) will be complex and perverse, it is said two riders will come in his name: one riding the backs of men and beasts, one whose name is written in the language of  worms.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Pictures and Also I Am On A Podcast Again

1. Here is me talking about my D&D book on a podcast. It has guitars. We go into a lot of detail about the book if you still don't know whether to buy one. Really: just do it. As soon as everyone in the world has one I can stop doing podcasts.

2. Here is a bunch of pictures that you can take and then go And it Looks Like THIS!!! to your players...

The kanji says "That's your sister's head"
Luckily, the fortress is not yet fully operational
The lonely Tasmania of your ignorance
Goatskull Candelabras: Villainy :: Little Black Dress: Closet
It's not everybody who can paint a transparent eye like that
I may not agree with your desire to steampunk things but I will defend to the death how mercilessly obsessive you are about it
Nothing to see here folks! Return to your homes!