tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2638993969706011706.post1857774330436566221..comments2024-03-28T22:00:35.840-07:00Comments on Playing D&D With Porn Stars: Best Tolkien BlasphemiesZak Sabbathhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08812410680077034917noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2638993969706011706.post-73660899631506279242015-01-08T22:37:07.561-08:002015-01-08T22:37:07.561-08:00I've had a lot of ideas like this - makes me t...I've had a lot of ideas like this - makes me think I should set up a G+ and start following you Zak.<br /><br />If I could change one thing, instead of just being Simple English Country Folk the hobbits now embody both good and bad stereotypes about the English: Pippin is an orientalist, fascinated and repulsed by the foreign peoples and places he visits, especially orcs. It's only through him that we get a sense of orcish culture, even though he love-hates it. He probably tells a horror story of being raped by orcs while captured, but like Seven Pillars of Wisdom, no one can tell if it actually happened or it's just a fantasy he invented. <br /><br />Merry considers himself urbane and fashionable and hates any sense of discomfort, but agrees to come along after he claims to find Rivendell and the Shire tedious. He either is or affects to be a homosexual.<br /><br />Sam is lower-class bloke, loyal to the end to his friends, but also prone to getting stone drunk and/or starting brawls. He takes every opportunity to go wenching.<br /><br />Frodo, with a doting aristocratic upbringing, suffers from learned helpless and - oh. No change for Frodo.<br /><br />Frodo, Merry and Pippin are always trying to collect souvenirs, keepsakes, stuffed monsters, etc. And of course they all smoke like fishes that smoke. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13989361662497083783noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2638993969706011706.post-5959147761597283732015-01-06T20:12:00.370-08:002015-01-06T20:12:00.370-08:00Well, it's supposed to be a sequel. So it can ...Well, it's supposed to be a sequel. So it can retcon but should not contradict the Hobbit. So hobbits are still hobbits, Gandalf is still a wizard but a lot can change. Elves in the hobbit aren't exceptionally good or noble. Magical treasures are suspiciously common. We don't see any great kingdoms or empires. There's something of an After the End feel to the world - there's magic treasures no one can make anymore, Smaug is the last of the dragons, etc. <br /><br />So run it as a Catholic take on the Dying Earth. Instead of "The world's ending, so fuck it", the sentiment is "The world's ending so let's make the best of it." Gandalf is a survivor of the old order who frankly gets bored and a little loopy which is why he keeps setting up these quests. Also why he likes to set things on fire. It's as much to keep himself busy as anything else. Dwarves, men and elves go on adventures to dig up treasure of old and keep themselves busy. The hobbits are the only ones with the sense to just want to live a pleasant life but a few get dragged along because every party needs a sane person. The monsters are all remnants - they're a little mad because their time past long ago. There are fabulous treasures scattered about left over from past ages. Legolas and Gimli are just out for adventure. Strider is the heir to a throne but would rather be a Ranger. There aren't epic quests to save the world - just loosely connected adventures. Yes, I know it sounds more like an adventure setting than an epic tale but that's kind of true of the Hobbit. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2638993969706011706.post-81150556678372785662015-01-05T11:16:15.270-08:002015-01-05T11:16:15.270-08:00A strange gas makes everyone stupid, and it's ...A strange gas makes everyone stupid, and it's denser at lower elevations. The dumbest are those who live underground, like the half-orcs bred under Saruman, the Wood-Elves of Mirkwood, Goblins and Orcs, all Dwarves, and especially Gollum. The only slightly below-average are Hobbits, Elves, and various peasants. Minas Tirith was built to help make future citizens smarter because they will breathe less stupid-gas up there. Those with any intelligence desperately strive to live as high up as possible, such as in wizard towers, the tops of volcanoes, etc. Gandalf experiences a brief bliss of intellect and clear thought every time he flies on an eagle, to which he is hopelessly addicted. The One Ring is intelligent, and throwing it into the volcano doesn't destroy it - it plunges it into the center of the world where it can swirl around imprisoned in and tortured by its inability to make coherent thoughts. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2638993969706011706.post-90475227109992135592015-01-05T04:59:11.853-08:002015-01-05T04:59:11.853-08:00Set it in Darksun/Dragonlance (maybe dirtbag drago...Set it in Darksun/Dragonlance (maybe dirtbag dragonlance: http://talesofthegrotesqueanddungeonesque.blogspot.com/2013/01/dirtbag-dragonlance.html )<br />hobbits are kender, Palidine/Fizban is Gandalf, Raistlin is Saruman (who travels with the party) Legolas and Aragorn are twin Tanis's. Camaron and Tika are sibling Boromir's. Sauron/Smaug is Takhisis.<br />Also toss in the D&D 'toons premise that the party/fellowship is just some kids who want to go home, Who are being pursed by Venger as Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrain and the Dungeon Master as Boss Hogg (like Pokemon's Team Rocket, with Golum as their Meouth)<br />Also, everyone with a "g" in their name is gender swapped.zombotron2000https://www.blogger.com/profile/06949534314859989338noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2638993969706011706.post-73387597944606737022015-01-05T01:18:32.245-08:002015-01-05T01:18:32.245-08:00Set it in earlier era with more monsters, more pos...Set it in earlier era with more monsters, more post apocalyptic wastelands, more warhammer battles and explosions. Halflings might be 8 foot tall and change their sex at will. Adding the herculoids and some more females might help. Dinosaurs. Lots of DInosaurs. Also by the end all good guys have renounced kingship.Konsumterrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18170560484656800416noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2638993969706011706.post-67948581213130295422015-01-04T21:44:18.827-08:002015-01-04T21:44:18.827-08:00I'd say write it as the tragic tale of the las...I'd say write it as the tragic tale of the last fallen angel trying to remake a broken world. The angel is opposed at every turn by the inhabitants of the dying world who would rather suffer through their miserable hate filled world rather than let the angel make creation "right" once again.Piercehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17342275462566805167noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2638993969706011706.post-33872905936525497812015-01-04T19:38:01.734-08:002015-01-04T19:38:01.734-08:00Scrap is always wonderful, and her Tolkien makes m...Scrap is always wonderful, and her Tolkien makes me think of Mervyn Peake.Gus Lhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14872819206286105195noreply@blogger.com