Attempt To List & Employ All The Random Tables I Like

Random tables I use (New ones will be added to this post as they come up. ).

-All the ones from this blog
-Familiars

-This guy does a new d12 table every day, I'm not going to list them all but I am going to call him awesome

-Random busted goblin machine
-Assignment Generator
-Secret Santicore (incl. mutations, secret doors, traps, bandits, merchants, etc.)
-Dead humanoid's pockets
-Weird city encounters
-Creepy witch spells
-Dungeon origins
-Bizarre urban locations
-Wizard obsessions
-10 potions
-Potion mishaps
-Men at arms
-d30 Scrap Princess Mutations
-100 More of those
-Random islands
-Hex dressing
-Random Castle Shenanigans
-What are the wandering monsters up to?
-What are the goblins up to?
-Carcosa situations
-Magic Candles
-Magic Ropes
-Peddlers of the Deep Dark
-Chaos Patrons
-Creepy combat commentary
-Dungeon Motivation
-The D30 tables
-There are several we gave Gary Gygax for his birthday
-Elf village traits
-Original Warhammer Realms of Chaos Mutation Table
-Hack Vornheim Contest Winners: including Random Tavern Entertainment, What's in That Grave, Random Criminals , Rival Adventuring Parties, Creepy Idol, The Theater Amphisbaena and Rural Inn Tavern

-C's awesome Tricks, Empty Rooms and Basic Trap Design
-100 Reasons PCs are together
-Mutant Future Gear
-Random level 1 gear
New:
-Random nonmagic scrolls
-Telecanter's 20 Random potions w/identifying details
______
So my PCs are sailing south toward the Goblin Empire. I am going to try to use as many of the random tables here as I can to figure out what will happen once they arrive there.

What I actually roll for my PCs next session will be in white so they don't espy upon it. Highlight it to see what I'm planning...

-Random islands
This'll be..roll roll...on an island with an old mine. I hate mines (in games--in real life I knew miners so I got to play in them as a kid and actually loved them. Whole other story.). But hey:
-gotta start somewhere, and
-it is, I'm told, dark as a dungeon down in the mine. Which is a start.

-Hex dressing
...in an area marked by a boulder with a face carved or naturally in it.


-Random Castle Shenanigans
...the castle has a strong ally--another house? a creature? wizard?
More to the point: there's a castle.

-What are the wandering monsters up to?
When the PCs arrive, monsters are returning to their lair with treasure

-What are the goblins up to?
This is the Goblin Empire after all...they arrrrre...
"Playing tenpins with a skull and some legbones."
So: oblivious to the goings-on of the wandering monsters.

-Carcosa situations
"At least half of the village is ill to some degree or another. Rumours abound that someone has been poisoning the well." This would be the goblins worrying.
-Magic Candles
Glory Glow (30'R, 4 turns)- each of these candles is tied to an alignment. All within the radius of the candle light of the same alignment are +2 to saving throws and attack rolls.

This treasure will show up. I'm gonna say allegiance to the same cause or god since I don't use alignment...

-Magic Ropes
More treasure:
"Weightless Rope: this rope simply has no weight of note (1 coins worth), a man could manage 500 feet of it before the volume of the rope becomes too unwieldy."

-Peddlers of the Deep Dark
This guy's down in the mine...oh a pair of peddlers: gnome(reroll fuck that) human (what are humans doing here?). The haulers of the stuff are albino cave-bronts, they have a magic candle (oh, that's where that came from) and glow grubs

-Chaos Patrons
This'll be for the owner of the castle. And the patron is the powerful ally...
follows Mabelode the Faceless (ah, thus the disturbing faceless face carved into the rock), Chaos gift: "Rise, my servant!" - The next time the character is reduced to 10% of his hit point total, all his hit points are immediately restored. Albino -4 con. Ok, so we have to figure out a way this isn't Elric.

-Creepy combat commentary
During combat this chaos-worshipping albino is....
A self-cheerleader: says "you can do it, there a lot of them but your poison will take care of that" and things like that. "Worry not, The Lord Who Has No Face will smite them all in the end!"

-Dungeon Motivation
"Family member of PC afflicted with disease that can only be cured with the waters from a sacred subterranean spring."
Which makes sense, as the PCs are delivering a family member to the goblins.

-The D30 tables...
This is from the city events table:
"The army/navy needs soldiers/sailors. Pressed into short term duty." Basically: the goblins are assaulting the chaos-worshipping albino. They need help.

-There are several we gave Gary Gygax for his birthday

This is one for finding the origin of wizards...
Created using fire and the bodies of d20 children who were sacrificed explicitly for the purpose. Found magic item of clothing via sheer luck.

And one for elementals, so the villain has a pal...
oversized ice/water elemental--intelligent and curious

-Elf village traits
Assume goblin civilization is built on the ruins of an elf civilization:
"Bomb shelter type bunker, actual village destroyed by orcs forty or fifty years ago, new village blueprint still under review by planning committee"

In the mean time, goblins moved in. The albino elf came above ground (from the mine) and instead of telling the other elves their home had been stolen, just established some kinda Chaos-worshipping tyranny over the goblins.

-Original Warhammer Realms of Chaos Mutation Table

Half brain-leaf plant. Ok a brain-leaf plant is a plant that makes you a zombie. In D&D that ecological niche is filled by the Yellow Musk Creeper zombie, and here in my campaign it is filled by the Violet Leopard Orchid Zombie. Which explains why our albino elf abandoned his or her fellows: s/he's half zombie creeping vine monster and probably turned them all into orchid zombies by now.

Now according to the table above they are returning to their lair with treasure. What treasure?

-Hack Vornheim Contest Winners: including Random Tavern Entertainment, What's in That Grave, Random Criminals , Rival Adventuring Parties, Creepy Idol, The Theater Amphisbaena and Rural Inn Tavern

So, in the plague-blighted goblin town beneath Faceless Rock...

A bard troupe retells PCs previous exploits, in...

The inn of the Yellow Dog (not "Hound"--I renamed it after a German grindcore label). The food is amazingly good, due to the fact that the cook is a captured fae creature. It will plead for rescue (removal of iron horseshoe over kitchen door) through messages in marbled fat on meat, steam rising from stew, etc.

PCs (especially Elves/Magic Users) are attacked by vicious bedbugs in their sleep. These will inflict 1 damage every third round, ignoring armor & clothing. Observant PCs will note a trail of them leading to the innkeeper’s room. If they force the door, they will discover the innkeeper lying in bed, his eyes glazed over, a stream of bedbugs scuttling in & out of his mouth.

A group of travelling players are putting on a performance in the village square, costumed as the PCs. They are performing an episode from their adventures, though misrepresented. If the deed was noble and valorous, it is depicted as treacherous , cowardly, and bloodthirsty, and vice-versa.

(This makes sense, the PCs fended some goblin pirates on the way here, no doubt the pirates have been sailing home claiming to have been attacked by hideous human witches.)

We have, Tuan The Forsaken whose brain's in a glass case, who is an extorter.

(His racket today is actually more just blackmail: he knows who the PCs are and will tell the fellow goblins if they don't pay up.)

A coffin is filled with blood and puss. Spills out onto players and starts to burn. (ummm...chaos magic, I guess)

There is a competing adventuring party in the form of: The Progeny of Lorbis Vul. Core members consist of 4-6 vat-grown male and female humanoids, with skin dyed in a range of colors from sky blue to Vermillion, and marked on their foreheads with a seemingly random number from III – XXV. They are physically perfect, athletic specimens except for one glaring, disturbing flaw on their respective arms. Not readily apparent. They are seeking the whereabouts of Lorbis Vul, a notorious sorcerer. For now, they pay their way by adventuring. in possession of an enchanted object or talisman, not readily apparent as such.

Other events in the Yellow Dog:
Satireveritas escapes.
Satirevertias is "a giant amphisbaena greets guests from a gilded cage, twin heads bantering suavely sibilant evil with a voice like wasp stings in honey. Their palindromic name is Satireveritas and they adore gossip and scandal – learning it, spreading it, instigating it. The serpent’s other priorities are general mischief and the seduction of beautiful women. Its not unpleasant musk pervades the room."
Daytime: auditions (for future goblin entertainments)
Nightime: "The Wise Man’s Journey To Hell"
Random NPC there: Mullen Poag, Stagehand/Roustabout
Agent of rival theatre here to spy and sabotage. (Of course PCs will think he's an agent of The Faceless Lord.)

Creepy idol (worshipped by our villain): limbless female torso w/severed phalluses giving birth to monsters. it gives birth to monsters once every 20 days, contains evil genie 2 wishes remain.

-The Too-Many-Too-List-Here Fruits of My Own Unfortunate Addiction Now Handily Grouped Under One Tag

Also:

d4 Othuagg baboons (drugged, dyed, crazed babboons used as shock troops by goblins) (+1d6 goblins) eating tiger fly scouts

Intercepted letter: To my most clever and unfortunate friend, Lord Vortullak of Spine, I send greetings from both myself and from your hilarious mother. This past season has been no doubt, a black joke perpetrated on this family by the omnipotent author of all things. I trust you received the map I sent earlier, for otherwise you would be entirely unable to read the words I now set down. Though I am indeed made weary by the strain of maintaining this deception, I see the necessity in it, as, I am certain, do you. You must destroy the four lunatics in Orgus Waarg. To do otherwise is to risk what little you have left. Your most humble servant, Natasha

P.S. Before this is over, I will have what's rightfully mine, no matter what you've been told.

(Question: is the villain this "Natasha" or is it "Lord Vortullak"? Let's assume the lunatics are the PCs and Orgus Waarg is the name of the town. This means Lord Vortullak is the villain and this mysterious Natasha is either off-screen or the name of the limbless idol he worships.)

No security measure per se, but the only valuables in the house appear to be in the bedroom along with a young and attractive NPC who's tied up and gagged. Sophisticated PCs may realize that s/he's not necessarily a prisoner.

(um..ok, Zak, whatever you say)

Villain characteristics: Aura of silence, Murders mice and eats them.

Ok, so Lord Vortullak sits there eating mice all day. And he--and all his orchid zombies--project an aura of silence. I really like that--the pale undead straggle forward and crack your bones and eat your brains all without making a sound. That's obviously how leopard orchid zombies work I guess.

Hex describing table tells me:
Weird landscape, damaged city, intelligent monsters, light rain, humans want help from PCs, anarchy, goblins, they speak in iambic triameter. "When I insult the king, The frogs erupt in song"

Random treasure: Level 8 spell scroll (Drunk reversal--no save). Small carved figurine or chess piece of one of the PCs, precise in every detail, 25-28mm tall. Purpose unknown. Actually the figurine is a spell scroll and it is the artifact the rival adventuring party carries.

A corpse:
Major local importer. Trade is all screwy until the power struggle to replace him/her is over--everything costs 3 times as much locally. (this is the blood and pus filled coffin. Obviously this death was not natural.)

An npc:
helpful frightened likes fried food --an herbalist. Probably the sneaky stage hand spy.

So, altogether: sick goblin village and PC's relative, plagued by silent undead revenge elves and chaos magic sent by a mouse-eating albino elf villain while beneath the faceless rock a tavern below boils over with escaped snakes and friendly spies.