Thursday, December 6, 2012

Party: 1, God Dragon: 0

If you're like me, you often ask yourself, Why aren't my players all dead yet?

Ferox the Incinerator is a fairly legit maximum-age maximum-size +49 to hit, 565-hit point  D&D Type III blue dragon.

The treasure hoard of mighty Ferox is, as of an hour ago, minus one Greenminister's Guide To The Flora And Fauna Of Cobalt Reach and the world still contains the same number of living souls as it did yesterday. How did this happen?

-Ok, so Connie/ Gypsillia the Elf Thief is in the weird dragon egg chamber. In position 1 above and  illustrated below ...
...as per her instructions from the Clone Lord, she smashes a small glass hypercube on the egg (don't ask, just trust me on this one) this makes space in the egg chamber all weird and Escherish.

-Now Adam/Brian the Wizard starts poking around the chamber and accidentally falls into the passage leading from the egg chamber (1) to a hole looking out 30' above the floor of the dragon's treasure hoard (2). Yes, you can fall up here.

-So there's Mr Wise and Cautious Squishy Wizard: he sees a demidivine breathing azure mountain of dented scales (not noticing him yet), an ocean of Type H treasure, and, oddly, the Pope of Vornheim, hanging in a gibbet.

-(Pope present courtesy of an idea I got from Heikki, here.)

-Connie breezes past "Whatcha got here? Dragon treasure? Cool..." and begins to immediately climb down from (2), move silently and sifts through the hoard. She finds a valuable book.

-Thief Move Silently vs. Dragon. Roll One. Connie wins.

-Mandy/Tizane the Cleric rushes off west from (1) and begins climbing up a previously discovered shaft (3) up toward the hoard, invisibly. She uses the slow but safe "climb, spike, tie waist to spike, climb another 20 feet, spike, tie etc" method.

-Meanwhile the Pope notices Connie. He's all emaciated and like "Hey..."and the chain swings and the dice roll and the dragon turns around.

-Initiative. PCs win.

-Connie runs back up the rope to 2 where Adam is and they both start running back through the passage to 1 (not realizing the hole in the hoard at 4 leads there yet).

-Dragon can't fit into the tunnel at 2 but can look through the hole at (4) and does. Connie notices he's up there, Adam and Connie pause at the edge of the tunnel, fearing to enter the egg chamber.

-Mandy continues up the shaft (3).

-Adam and Connie go invisible and spider climby and head back toward 2. They arrive and see the dragon (roll roll) still using its serpentine neck to check around the now hypercubed and megadimensional egg chamber. From their point of view at 2 the majestic beast looks like an ostrich with its head in the sand. Who is fucking with my egg and pope?

-Connie wastes no time invisible spidering up to the ceiling to see what's up there.

-Adam, very low on spells, sits responsibly at (2) agog and wonders why he hangs out with these people.

-Meanwhile, Mandy, nearing the threshold at 6, fails a climb roll. She clangs against the wall (invisibly) in her armor, 10' below the entryway to the hoard.

-The dragon's head jerks up on account of the noise and it makes its way over to 6.

-At this point Connie reminds everyone of her and Mandy's plan (is it a plan if it only has 2 steps and the second step is "just go from there"?) from last week to throw a vial of mirror water* down beneath Ferox at an opportune moment.

-Adam shakes his head and tries not to cry, briefly considers rescuing the Pope, decides against it.

-The dragon looks down the shaft (3), and sees a dangling rope on a spike (Mandy is still invisible thanks to the ring she picked up in Death Frost Doom) but smells girlflesh.

-Ferox leans down and hauls the rope up.

-Mandy makes a difficult dex check to let go of the rope at exactly the moment she passes the lip of the chamber.

-Dragon tosses the rope away. So she's standing right on the edge of a 150' drop, about 4 inches from the dragon. If Mandy wants to get away she has to go past the dragon now. Or jump 150 feet...

-Connie continues to crawl, invisible and spiderclimby, Feroxward from behind.

-Adam prays to all sympathetic gods.

-Initiative. PCs win.

-Mandy stays put and spends a turn invisibly slathering herself in Stenchmold**, courtesy of the Dungeon Dozen.

-Connie, now in position, throws the vial of mirror water toward the only flat surface in the room--the threshold of the hoard, right on the edge of the drop, at (6), right in front of Ferox, right next to Mandy.

-Ferox rushes forward to investigate the awful smell plus shattered glass (Mandy is right next to the puddle of mirror water) and immediately gets a faceful of black lightning from the antiFerox dwelling in the mirror dimension for 24d8 (97) points of damage. Ferox wildly flails outward at whoever is around and misses.

-Initiative. Players win.

-Mandy books across the room. Invisible footprints clink through the hoard.

-Connie begins to crawl back across the ceiling to (2).

-Adam is just like fuuuuuck.

-Ferox gathers a small pile of coins and shoves it toward the puddle of mirror water, cleaning the pool up and sending the puddle and coins down the shaft, then he takes an action to blindly tail sweep across the hoard in a rage.

-Mandy dodges it and uses her next action to ride the wave of the rippling coins 60 feet closer to (2).

-Initiative. Ferox wins.

-He growls at the Pope and asks what the fuck is this business while casting a spell which creates a ball of magnetic force sucking any nearby metal that isn't gold into a big 12' diameter Katamari Damacy ball at his feet.

-Adam and Connie are safe because the force of their Spider Climby succeeds in a roll vs Katamari, Mandy is sucked into the ball for 22 points of crushing damage, but is still invisible.

-(Roll roll) she's on the bottom of the ball.

-Mandy drinks Shrinking Root. She's two feet tall. (And invisible. And smells terrible.)

-Ferox picks up the ball to inspect it.

-Adam, who has been holding his action forever, casts an illusion spell--Major Image--and makes like the anti-Ferox has climbed up the shaft at 3 to attack again.

-This fools Ferox for exactly one round, since according to the language in the book Ferox doesn't get a save to disbelieve the Image until he interacts with it.

-However, this is long enough to allow 2' Mandy to dash to the rope beneath (2) and get hauled back up. At 2' tall even the wizard can haul her up.

-They run back through the egg chamber but Ferox has a hard time getting to them because they are invisible, hiding behind the egg (doesn't wanna hurt the egg) and the room is noneuclidean so like one claw reaches in and then like 4 claws come out at all different angles. Connie get past no sweat and Adam, piggybacking 2' Mandy, gets by with a relatively minor claw wound.

-Aaaand then they're back to where Ferox can't fit. Mandy collects her reward from the Clone Lord (a custom clone, brain not included) and the party collects xp for the book Connie stole and the T Rex they killed earlier that day.


*"Mirror water. If dropped, opens puddle-shaped portal to anti-dimension. Anyone seeing their reflection gets attacked by a double who crawls out a la a Mirror of Opposition. Puddle can be cleaned up as normal."

**"Stenchmold: repels reptiles, dinosaurs and dragons, attracts oozes"

Quick Blue Dragon Fortress SitRep

DEAR PLAYERS, Heres the situation:
It's always nice to have a little extra time to make these, especially if you're gonna have players who weren't there the session before. Picture being worth a thousand words and all. . . . . . . . . . .

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Meet Rangda

Rangda, The Widow, an alternate aspect of Lolth is worshipped in Drownesia, land of the dinosaur-riding princes. Like Chamunda, she haunts cremation grounds and fig trees.

According to Wikipedia...

Rangda is the demon queen of the leyaks (that's penangallans or vargouilles to you, gamer) in Bali, according to traditional Balinese mythology. Terrifying to behold, the child-eating Rangda leads an army of evil witches against the leader of the forces of good — Barong. The battle between Barong and Rangda is featured in a Barong dance which represents the eternal battle between good and evil.[1] Rangda is a term in old Javanese that means: 'widow'

Her voice and manner closely match that of the star witch Haggar, creator of robeasts.

As for the Penangallans themselves...

The midwife keeps a vat of vinegar in her house. After detaching her head and flying around in the night looking for blood the Penanggalan will come home and immerse her entrails in the vat of vinegar in order to shrink them for easy entry back into her body.

The best way to keep them out is to surround your house with thorned plants and pineapples, and women keep scissors or betel nut cutters under their pillows--the drownesians use golden barbed wire.

One way to get rid of a penangallan without fighting it (at least temporarily) is to find its body and put broken glass in its neck, but this only makes the problem worse.

The penangallan then seeks out a giant spider, throttles it with its entrails, decapitates it and attaches itself to the body, thus creating a drider.







Bookshelf Roulette

Here's one for cold nights in:

Get comfortable and put a stack of RPG books next to you.

Take the first one off the top...

Dragon Lords of Melnibone (a d20fied compilation of stuff from Elric and Stormbringer games)

And flip through until you find a good idea...
...put it in your GM notebook, or on a random monster or treasure table, or in your next adventure.

Then pick up the next book...

City State of the Invincible Overlord...


81. Wine Shop Quaint, clean, and well-organized, the shop is run bya dusky-skinned, rather plain man named Angerfew that is actually the god Balder in disguise. 

...and add that to your adventure or your notebook.

And then pick up the next book...

Call of Cthulhu, 6th edition

...if the caster succeeds, then the borrowed organs and members appear in the caster's hands, sodden and rotting...





Saturday, December 1, 2012

Joey called it "So Useful It Is Nearly Offensive"

...I hope so.

So yesterday I posted a villain generator whose guts were derived from some old tables here and elsewhere plus the Random Warband Generation rules from the classic and nearly impossible-to-find Warhammer --Realms of Chaos: Slaves To Darkness.

Well, sweet mother of Khorne Dave Abulafia went and automated the whole thing.
Here's one of the shorter, simpler villains it spit out:

The Titan of The Unshriven Light

is a half orc (civilian) from Pseudo Eastern Europe (w/ vampires), but currently based in a mine. 
Noteworthy features:

  • Served by blue slaves
  • Covered in arms
Motivation: Sees PCs as a threat
Every villain needs at least one mutation: Walks as if gravity pointed toward whatever wall creature stands on
Other Stuff:

  • Own(s) 4 hounds/beasts characteristic of patron god or style
  • Has a magic weapon
Henchmen:

    • 3 extremely intelligent ratmen with
      • Mutation: Chaos Spawn
      Wizard/cleric with 4 followers (all mutant or crippled crow-headed creatures) with
      • Own(s) 6 hounds/beasts characteristic of patron god or style
      3 Human soldiers/mercenaries with
      • Your hands are skeleton hands
      3 ratmen/wererats

It's a little rough around the edges, mostly on account of the massive amount of data Dave shoved in there all at once and the mutation tables being based on several different sources written in several different ways, including Scrap Princess' excellent (but written in 2nd person) tables.

...But it definitely does the trick: spits out baroque villains with details and hench individuals.

Also of interest:

Here are the mutation tables by themselves. Well over 1000 entries.

And Scrap Princess and Monster Johnson Voltroned up to create this monstrosity...

A Dying ninja who is pale and hairless and is about to deal the deadly final hand from a stacked deck in a traveling circus with an ugly reputation

A trusted friend who is undead and rotting and is being protected without their knowledge in the Maze of Rotting eyes




Friday, November 30, 2012

Soup to Nuts Random Villain Generator

Base creature

1. an unusually intelligent, independent eye of dread 
2. pirate 
3. mad king/queen
4. witch
5, drider 
6. statue
7. medusa
8.(intelligent) flail snail 

9. pudding, ooze, slime, etc
10. insect demon
11. seahag
12. fishwife 
13. goblin
14.maggot naga
15. naga
16. vampire
17. nephilidian vampire
18. unicorn-head guy
19. mind flayer 
20. demon 
21. giant centipede 
22. worm-headed person
23. rakshasa
24. white tiger rakshasa 
25. manticore 
26. succubus
27. slaad 
28. marilith 
29. eye of fear and flame
30. beholder 
31. eye of the deep
32. lich 
33. demilich
34. Demon lord

35. beastman
36. thog 
37. hobgoblin
38. werewolf
39. were-something else
40. librarian (Yuan Ti)
41. minotaur
42. skaven/were-rat
43. lizardman/reptile woman
44. hyperintelligent random animal
45. hyperintelligent random weird fantasy monster
46. leopardman/leopardfemme
47. jackalmazon/jackalman/
48. aaracokra
49. algoid
50. abstract/alien extradimensional weirdo
51. royal fist monkey
52. cifalganger/doppelganger
53. kenku/crowman
54. dragon
55. druid
56. golem
57. foxwoman
58. giant
59. gibbering mouther
60. moonhead man
61. sphinx
62. dwarf (civilian)
63. dwarf  wizard
64. dwarf  cleric/druid
65. dwarf  thief/spy
66. dwarf  anti paladin
67. dwarf  barbarian/fighter
68. elf (civilian) or fey
69. elf wizard
70. elf cleric/druid
71. elf thief/spy
72 . elf anti paladin
73. elf barbarian/fighter
74. half orc (civilian)
75. half orc wizard
76. half orc cleric/druid
77. half orc thief/spy
78. half orc anti paladin
79. half orc barbarian/fighter
80 halfling (civilian)
81 halfling wizard
82 halfling cleric/druid
83 halfling thief/spy
84 halfling anti paladin
85 halfling barbarian/fighter
86-87 human (civilian)
88-92 human wizard
93-94 human cleric/druid
95-96 human thief/spy
97-98 human anti paladin
99-00 human barbarian/fighter

Optional job, stats and, if  you don't like the race you rolled, get a new, more basic race here

Hails from...

1-25 Mitteleuropean city or countryside
26-29 The Sea
30-58 Vikingy Lands
59-63 Desert
64-66 Green, Camelot-esque land
67-70 Exotic East
71-84 Goblin Empire
85-86 Chaos wastes
87-89 A pulp fantasy country
90-91 Pseudo Eastern Europe (w/ vampires)
92-93 Radioactive sci-fantasy zone
94-95 Fairy Land
96-97 The Center of the Earth
98-99 Extradimensional
99 Extraterrestrial
00 The Future

Quirk one

Quirk two

Base of Operations and Starting Minions here

Use the base of operations indicated then roll below...

1-12 Use creatures indicated in link, # of henchcreatures = # just rolled
13 2 of creatures indicated
14-15 3 of creatures indicated
16-18 4 of creatures indicated
19-22 5 of creatures indicated
23-27 6 of creatures indicated
28-31 7 of creatures indicated
32-34 8 of creatures indicated
35-36 9 of creatures indicated
37-38 10 of creatures indicated
39  11 of creatures indicated
40-50 A single elite follower, roll race on first table above
51 Goblin
52 2 Goblins
53 3 Goblins
54 4 Goblins
55 5 Goblins
56 6 Goblins
57 Harpy
58 2 Harpies
59 3 Harpies
60 4 Harpies
61 war troll
63 Wizard/cleric with 1 follower
64 Wizard/cleric with 2 followers
65 Wizard/cleric with 3 followers
66 Wizard/cleric with 4 followers
67 Thog
68 2 Thogs
69 3 Thogs
70 4 Thogs 
71 1 Minotaur
72 2 Minotaurs
73 3 Minotaurs
74 4 Minotaurs
75 1 Ogre
76 2 Ogres
77 3 Ogres
78 4 Ogres
79 2 skaven/ratmen/wererats
80 3 skaven/ratmen/wererats
81 4 skaven/ratmen/wererats
82-83 5 skaven/ratmen/wererats
84-85 6 skaven/ratmen/wererats
86 skaven/ratmen/wererats
87 skaven/ratmen/wererats
88 2 Human soldiers/mercenaries
89 3 Human soldiers/mercenaries
90-91 4 Human soldiers/mercenaries
92-94 5 Human soldiers/mercenaries
95-96 6 Human soldiers/mercenaries
97-98 7 Human soldiers/mercenaries
99-00 8 Human soldiers/mercenaries


Motivation(s)

1 Religious--roll god 
2 Murder hobo: seeks loot, plunder, power
3 Pure evil or insane
4 Has something PCs want, PCs are informed
5 PCs have some specific thing villain wants 
6 Hungry for flesh
7 Just trying to quietly rule this land with an iron fist before y'all showed up. Area controlled is proportional to number of "new recruit" rolls. 1 = a single building 20 = a whole country
8 Sees PCs as a threat
9 Roll twice on this table on a d8
10 Roll three times on this table on a d8

Upgrades
(These are based on the Realms of Chaos warband rules, the math is similar but there's way less flipping around and less acquiring books that cost 100 bucks on ebay.)
Are you a mutant? (i.e. are you excited about this villain yet? If not, be a mutant) Roll a mutation or roll one here or here or here

Are you religious? Add one ability characteristic of your god. If it isn't that impressive by itself, add a mutation, too.

Now for the rest of your upgrades:
You get d12 of them.
If you're a mutant, d4 (exploding dice) of those will be more mutations
The rest can be rolled below...

1-10 demonic weapon (You read Elric? Like that.)
11-20 demonic armor
21-22 Steed 1 mutation
23-24 Steed 2 mutations
25-26 Steed 3 mutations
27-28 Steed 4 mutations
29-30 Steed 5 mutations
31-32 1 spawn or random monster (spawn are totally fucked up creatures that are like a random creature plus 6+d6 mutations)
33-34 2 spawn or random monsters 

35-36 3 spawn or random monsters 

37-38 4  spawn or random monsters 

39-40 5  spawn or random monsters 

41-71 Gift of your god--add a power characteristic of your god or schtick if you have one, otherwise just roll a magic item
72-73 Hound or beast characteristic of your god/style (like if you worship Fenris, add a wolf)
74-75 2 hounds/beasts
76-77 3 hounds/beasts

78-79 4 hounds/beasts

80-81 5 hounds/beasts

82-83 6 hounds/beasts

84-100 magic/chaos weapon+ add a wizard level

New Recruits

-You get d12 (exploding dice) new minion rolls on "Base of operations and Starting Minions" above*.
-Your minions get d4 (exploding) upgrades (as above). You can apply them to individuals or to a whole unit.

-If they are mutants, your minions get the same number of upgrades as you do, of which d10 (up to max total upgrades) are more mutations, for the rest, roll below:

1 Add 7 mutations to a unit or individual
2 Add 8 mutations to a unit or individual
3 Add 9
4 Add 10
5 Add 11
6 Add 12
7-9 Roll 2 more rewards, 80% each is a mutation
10-12 Roll 3 more rewards, 80% each is a mutation
13-15 Roll 4 more rewards, 80% each is a mutation
16-20 Roll on individual upgrade table

Roll Your Relationship to the next villain roll here or just click

Pick Sex and Name

Terrorize The Populace




*Plus one more for every week the heroes fail to catch you?




Generating Random Warbands Is Fun

1. Annihilus Neroxx
Exalted mutant champion
Goat head
Obsidian skin
Claws
Str: 20
Despises elves
Chaos armor
Wields 2 demon swords--a successful hit from either doing at least 6 points of damage slays a foe outright, draining their strength

Gruntle
Chaos steed
(his terrible destrier)
Cloud of flies
Acidic blood

2. Dynakk
Sorcerer (level 5)
Lion's mane

Harst
Chaos steed
(Dynakk's mount)
Hypnotic gaze
Poison bite

3. Theegra 
Chaos spawn
One-eyed, bloated, tentacled, metallic goat creature
(The single eye is an evil eye)

4. En'Ra
Thog  (hand centaur)
Berserker rages
Makes a constant keening noise

5. Viruss
Mercenary

Annihilus is also served by:

6. 7 Beastmen
7. 4 more beastmen
8. 9 Dwarves
9. 6 Hobgoblins
10. 3 Skaven

____
Currently, Annihilus' warband has seized and decimated the town of Oldenorke, above.

Click to enlarge and roll 2 separate d20s any time the party hunting Annihilus reaches any labelled section of the map. Results 1-10 indicate members of the warband (see above), results above 10 or repeated results indicate that number of terrified or enslaved inhabitants.

For each day Annihilus remains uncaptured, randomly generate another group of followers:

-If you have Realms of Chaos: Slaves to Darkness, use the retinue table

-If you do not, randomly roll any creature, then randomly generate the number of them that join the warband using that creatures' "# appearing" number.

-Roll d4, on a 4, the newly recruited creatures has been mutated