9 Segments? Seriously?

This will be a short post.

I feel I have earned a short post, for having posted things of genuine substance all through the holidays thus far.

Here is my short post:

I never use casting times. Never even considered it.

(Thus the poll over on the right here----->).

I know there are many fine arguments for using them, but essentially my unfailing reasoning behind not using them currently in my own games is:

The rules of our current games of D&D essentially organically emerged from games based on whatever version of the rules our friend Craig remembered from when he played 15 years ago as a motorscooter-gang speed-addict metalhead.

Since we didn't use casting times in those first few games--and every game we've played since has been fun--adding them in later would just feel like an annoying burden to the spellcasting PCs at this point.

Plus, without them, I don't have to ever explain the difference between a "round" a "turn" and a "segment" to anyone.

D&D With Porn Stars & Their Siblings

The tenor of the game changes somewhat during the holidays, when we play with Mandy's family...

"I can't believe you actually married the Fishwife."

"All I want is minions, I figured I'd get minions. I never get minions."

"You can get minions in D&D."

"I'm never in the right situation."

"Evan, all she had was a tower in the middle of the ocean, you want to rule a tower in the middle of some water?"

"Hey, I was just going with the flow, I woke up, I was getting married to a fish lady and I figured, ok, I'll see where this goes. It was all fine except the warts and turning green and stuff. You're the one who kept hypnotizing the troll and never made it do anything."

"I made it not kill me! Besides, I sent it into the ocean, I don't understand why it came back."

"It was a sea troll Kara! It goes in the sea!"

"But--how did it get back out of the water?"

(Dad) "Can we talk about something else?"

"How does anyone get out of water?"

"Yeah, what about seals, Kara?"

"Seals don't go onto ships--it was on the ship eating people!"

"Seals took over a whole dock in San Francisco once."

"Or what about people, Kara? How do people get out of swimming pools?"

"They use a ladder."

"You don't have to use a ladder."

"Can we change the subject?"

"I use a ladder."

"Well the sea troll doesn't! It's a troll from the sea!"

"How was I suppose to know that?"

"It was blue and when you found it, it was in a pool!"

"And he said it was a sea troll."

"Well you're the one who let it knock you out."

"Well that wasn't fair because I didn't know the Fishwife had armor."

"Evan, she's a boss, you don't take on a boss all by yourself."

"She's just like a little fish lady, and I'm like a big guy, she's like to me like what the troll is to you, I don't understand why she didn't just go down."

"Evan, she was a boss."

"How was I supposed to know that?"

"She has a tower in the sea and controls monsters and captured your ship and forced you to marry her and did magic on you and controls a sea troll--of course she's a boss!"

"Hey, she's just like a little fish, and I ambushed her."

"In an ambush, the target moves and you stand still and hide. You just ran in there. Through the door."

"Well it was better than your plan, which was just to lay in the next room and sleep."

"We were resting, Evan, you're in a party with spellcasters, we have to rest to get our spells back. It's a cooperative game, Evan, you have to do things together."

"So you were gonna just rest for eight hours?"

"I have a magic pillow..."

"Can we talk about something else?"

"So what?"

"So I only have to sleep for an hour."

"Well if you're asleep for an hour in her house she's going to find you."

"Not necessarily, Evan."

"No, she was going around looking for you because you sent her troll away instead of making the troll just kill her. What's the point of hypnotizing a troll if you're just going to tell it to stand there?"

"Can we talk about something else?"

"I thought as soon as the troll went in the sea he was gone. Like, I think of the sea as just, like, the end of things."

"But it was A. Sea. Troll. It likes the sea. It's from the sea."

"Anyway it would've eaten you if it hadn't gotten me, so you should be glad."

"If you had just waited it wouldn't have gotten you."

"Yes it would've, I..."

(Dad) "Evan just likes chaos, he's always trying to cause trouble."

"Yeah, that's why he married the fishwife."

"I just wanted minions."

"And then he changed his mind and punched her in the face."

"I don't know, I got bored--and her guys wouldn't do what I told them to do."

"Well, they were in the middle of being attacked."

"But I told them that I was taking the prisoners."

"They were busy fighting. One of them was on fire."

"Still, like, I was supposed to be in charge and it wasn't working."

"You just kept changing your mind--first you were fighting them, then you married the fish lady, then you went to the bathroom, then you tried to sneak away, then you let me get carried off then you punched her in the face."

"I just, y'know, got tired of it. Why didn't you just tell the troll to like, strangle her."

"Can we please talk about something else?"

Secret Randomness

There's 2 kinds of randomness I want to talk about:

Open Randomness:

Dragon breathes fire on Sneaky McThiefenhower, Sneaky rolls saving throw dice, everybody watches, we wait for the result, hey it's random. We all know this situation very well. It is also widely agreed to be a lot of fun. What disease did you get? (roll roll) Haha, gout! You tool! It's fun, its funny, it's a good chunk of what makes the game cool and sometimes exciting. Almost everything's more fun when everybody knows it's random.


Random To The DM But Not To The Players (Secret Randomness)

Player: "If the wind is favorable, we should be able to make North Island by nightfall. Which way is the wind blowing?"

DM:(looks down at the random wind direction that s/he rolled up before the game started.)
"North."

Player: "Awesome. You're such a nice DM today, what got into you?"

In this case--and this is the case I want to talk about most here--the result was determined randomly but there is no way the players could know that.

Here's an example from the AD&D DMG (pg 47):

If the PCs are hexcrawling in a "moderate to sparsely inhabited" area the base chance of an encounter is 1 in 12, whereas in an 'uninhabited/wilderness" area it's 1 in 10.

While I recognize and appreciate the Gygaxian Naturalism implied here, there is absolutely no chance that the players ever will (unless I actually tell them these odds or they see me rolling random encounters at the table--in which case it ceases to be Secret Randomness.)

To the players, they either run into a monster or they don't. Maybe if they go through several hundred hexes they'll realize what the odds are like, but if the DM throws in just a few pre-planned encounters then there goes that. It all just seems like it's in the DMs lap. These 1-in-12 vs. 1-in-10 figures are not statistics the PCs can utilize tactically or consider when making their plans.

To a player, this not like the math implied by their Str 6---which tells them that if called upon to perform a feat of strength, they will probably fail, though not as often as they fail to perform a feat of dexterity since their Dex is 3.

In other words, very often Random to the DM But Not The Players has almost no effect on the game other than allowing the DM to roll some dice rather than pick something interesting.

So...

Reasons To Use Secret Randomness:

Speed

Before the game, secret randomness sometimes speeds things up. There are ways to do this "wrong"--rolling wind direction randomly and secretly before the game seems pointless. A bad random generator does little more than have rolling for a simple option (left or right?) replace thinking about a simple option.

On the other hand, some tables are so long (like the DMG magic item table) that rolling is faster than reading every single entry. So there's a good reason to roll. A good random generator (like I hope this one is) actually makes several choices at once very quickly. The Another Brick In The Wall generator and most computer generators give you monster placement, room placement, item placement, and paths from room to room in less than a minute. Saving time is a decent reason to do a lot of things, but the trade-off, obviously, is that you think about things less, which is often a bad thing. But you probably know all about this and have already thought about it. Secret randomness during the game is a much more slippery subject...


Paranoia

This is probably the best reason to use Secret Randomness during a game. Concealing the fact that the nearest necromancer lives just next door just coincidentally or that the pub you walked into just happens to contain a guy who has a bizarre proposition concerning waterfowl may make the PCs suspect there's a plot going on against them when actually there isn't.

If the PCs know that the encounter with the (random roll) frightened (random roll) child babbling about (random roll) lava (random roll) trolls was random, they won't feel the need to investigate, but if there's a chance that it was a planned event the DM sprung on them then maybe they ignore the curse of the lava trolls at their peril...

A related sub-reason might generally be because, if the players realize the DM is generating fixed attributes of the world randomly during the game (like street layout) it might throw them out of the "fantasy" for a second. I tend to not think this is a big deal (especially if the paranoia effect is not also in play), but some people do.

However, it's important to note that Secret Randomness for the purpose of generating paranoia is no different, from the players point of view, from Secret Arbitrarily Making Stuff Up. So why use a chart at all?


To Decrease The Number of Things The DM Has To Think About During The Game

Assuming that we're using Secret Randomness during the game because we want to create paranoia or keep everything verismilitudinous, why are we using a chart instead of making it all up? If we use a complicated chart with complex options--the only kind that's worth using before the game--then that usually takes too long either to consult or to read the result during the game (especially considering that you're trying to keep it all secret).

Ok, in my Urbancrawl Rules the shapes of correct paths to PC destinations are Secretly Random. Why'd I do that? Why not just arbitrarily put a place on an arbitrary map and go? Because I know all the paths available in the random generation method I designed are of approximately equal length and complexity so I can rely on it and not have to second-guess myself. However, since it's all based on how a die looks when it comes up, you don't have to actually spend time consulting a chart. Paradoxically, it also might, over time, generate a level of street-plan complexity that might not happen if I was thinking it all up on the fly since we have a tendency to think in repeating patterns. (Maybe.)

I admit, this is probably the worst reason to use Secret Randomness. In order to be both fast and secretive, you have to use a chart with less complicated results than the really involved ones you'd use before the game, but at least as complicated as what you'd be able to think up yourself on the spot, which is a pretty tough niche to fill.


To Entertain The DM

In the urbancrawl rules I recommend writing up four kinds of pubs before each city-based game. When the PCs enter a bar, secretly roll a d4 to determine which one. Why bother rolling? Why not just go through the pubs in order? The PCs'll never know. Same goes for random encounters--why not just put them in order and have the first one be the first one and the next one be the next one, etc.? Because it's more of a surprise for the DM that way.

________

All together, I feel like the case for Secret Randomness During The Game is fairly thin. In most cases, I think Secret Arbitrariness or Open Randomness is usually going to result in more fun. But you never know.

For Those Days When You Just Don't Feel Like Turning To Page 75 (Or Using THACO)

I'm sure this already exists somewhere else, but consider it a stocking stuffer...

AD&D "to-hit" target numbers expressed as 3.5-style "to-hit" bonuses, assuming you've already translated descending AC to ascending AC:

Fighter

level....bonus
(0...........-1)
1-2..........+0
3-4.........+2
5-6.........+4
7-8.........+6
9-10.......+8
11-12......+10
13-14.....+12
15-16.....+14
17+........+16


Thieves/Assassins

level.....bonus
1-4...........-1
5-8..........+1
9-12........+4
13-16.......+6
17-20......+8
21+.........+10


Magic-Users/Illusionists

level......bonus
1-5..........-1
6-10.......+1
11-15......+4
16-20.....+7
21+........+9


Clerics, etc.

level......bonus
1-3.........+0
4-6........+2
7-9........+4
10-12....+6
13-15.....+8
16-18....+10
19+.......+11


Monsters

Hit Dice Bonus
<1 -1.......-1
1 -1.........+0
1.............+1
1+...........+2
2-3+.......+4
4-5+.......+5
6-7+.......+7
8-9+.......+8
10-11+....+10
12-13+....+11
14-15+....+12
16+.........+13

Notes I Scribbled This Morning On What's Usually In Palaces

Moat. Moats are cool.

Watchtowers. Usually at the corners, but, hey, depends on what you're watching for, right? Might there be scrying rooms? (Always more than one floor.)

Throne room. Throne room should establish philosophical relationship between lord and subjects. May double as dining hall, depending... Path from front gate to throne room is usually direct.

(In general, palaces have "public" sections--throne room, receiving rooms, consultation chambers, and "private" sections-living quarters.)

Windows. Windows in palaces generally have views that are beautiful, strategically significant, or both.

Kitchen. Should be one of the most detailed locations. Food defines cultures as different.

Monarch/lord's sleeping quarters. Insert monarchical weirdness here.

Sleeping quarters for whoever else lives there. Consorts, advisors. Make not-boring or elide.

Library.

Records and documents archive. (Can be folded in with library if boring.)

Art (everywhere). Art is always evil or cursed or alive.

Place for the education of the lord/monarch's children.

Garden/gallery/other recreation-type-place.

(Zoo?)(Hunting grounds?)(If palace is abandoned then what's in it might be descended from hunting or hunted animals.)

Armory. (Weird and obscure guards.)

Place where they keep other supplies like lamp oil, etc.

Harem. (Traditionally, harems are self-sufficient--have own chapel, etc..)

Dungeon/prison.

Shrine/chapel.

War room/situation room. (May contain awesome map.)

Consultation chamber--mirror mirror on the wall, etc.

Workshop--when stuff needs to get made they go here. Has tools and stuff like that.

Stables. (Find way to make un-boring)

Place (balcony, generally) to stand and address subjects.

Well/cistern/aquaduct. Anything could be down there. Wells are cool.

Symbolic architectural features with traditional "powers" attached--Gate of Inexplicable Destiny, Widow's Window, etc.

What I Learned At The Frazetta Museum

There's a Frank Frazetta Museum.

My girlfriend (at the time) wanted to go camping at the Delaware Water Gap (confusingly not located in Delaware).

She was driving, I was navigating.

Then I saw it on the map:

Frank Frazetta Museum.

After questioning the locals we found it--a modest estate, and a room full of gorgeous originals.

Frank himself is not well, I don't know the medical details but he's not well.

So the person who lets you in, it's his wife.

And if you look at his wife, and look past the chain-smoking and the plastic surgery and the years and the leopard print you realize:

Holy shit, that's the Amazon.

And the Jungle Princess and the Clinging Slave Girl and Vampirella and every other curvaceous babe with wide-set eyes in a Frazetta painting--they were all just his wife. And she sits there at the desk and talks in a voice like Tom Waits, wearing gin-colored pants, wreathed in Merit-smoke.

For complex reasons, the Frazetta Museum may be irrevocably altered for the worse in the near future--if you can get out there soon, I recommend it.

Books (the Other Kind)

Some D&D Bloggers have that little "currently reading" box in the corner. It usually has a fantasy or sci-fi novel in it, or occasionally some non-fiction. This surprises me a little, because genre novels form a very small part of my own diet. I like Jack Vance and M. John Harrison and J.G. Ballard and Philip K. Dick. I like some of Elric, some of Fritz Leiber, and some of Lovecraft--and that's about it.

I like crazy prose, fancy prose, and experimental prose, and those guys all qualify. But if I had one of those boxes in the corner of this blog it would almost never have a fantasy or sci-fi novel in it.

I notice that a lot of my best D&D ideas come from utterly literary-establishment-respectable books, though.

I got a monster idea from Yeats:

"The Horses of Disaster plunge in the heavy clay."

(Lovecraft got one from Tennyson.)

The table of contents for Baudelaire's Fleurs Du Mal might as well be called "Random Monster Idea/Adventure Seed Chart" and Shelley wrote about all the political information I need to know about my campaign world:

An old, mad, blind, despised, and dying king,--

Princes, the dregs of their dull race, who

Through public scorn,--mud from a muddy spring,--

Rulers who neither see, nor feel, nor know,

But leech-like to their fainting country cling,

Till they drop, blind in blood, without a blow,--

A people starved and stabbed in the untilled field

Here's an eminently RPG-able bit from Donald Barthelme's short story "Report":

"We could, of course, release thousands upon thousands of self-powered crawling-along-the-ground lengths of titanium wire eighteen inches long with a diameter of .0005 centimeters (that is to say, invisible) which, scenting an enemy, climb up his trouser leg and wrap themselves around his neck. We have developed those. They are within our capabilities. We could, of course, release in the arena of the upper air our new improved pufferfish toxin which precipitates an identity crisis. No special technical problems there. That is almost laughably easy. We could, of course, place up to two million maggots in their rice within twenty-four hours. The maggots are ready, massed in secret staging areas in Alabama. We have hypdermic darts capable of piebalding the enemy's pigmentation. We have rots, blights, and rusts capable of attacking his alphabet. Those are dandies. We have a hut-shrinking chemical which penetrates the fibers of the bamboo, causing it, the hut, to strangle its occupants. This operates only after 10 P.M., when people are sleeping. Their mathematics are at the mercy of a suppurating surd we have invented. We have a family of fishes trained to attack their fishes. We have the deadly testicle-destroying telegram. The cable companies are cooperating. We have a green substance that, well, I'd rather not talk about. We have a secret word that, if pronounced, produces multiple fractures in all living things in an area the size of four football fields."

And this Borges passage feels to me exactly the way I felt when I was a kid and first read about how the the name 'Vecna' was once spoken only in whispers:

On Exactitude in Science

In that Empire, the Art of Cartography attained such Perfection that the map of a single Province occupied the entirety of a City, and the map of the Empire, the entirety of a Province. In time, those Unconscionable Maps no longer satisfied, and the Cartographers Guilds struck a Map of the Empire whose size was that of the Empire, and which coincided point for point with it. The following Generations, who were not so fond of the Study of Cartography as their Forebears had been, saw that that vast Map was Useless, and not without some Pitilessness was it, that they delivered it up to the Inclemencies of Sun and Winters. In the Deserts of the West, still today, there are Tattered Ruins of that Map, inhabited by Animals and Beggars; in all the Land there is no other Relic of the Disciplines of Geography.

Suarez Miranda,Viajes de varones prudentes, Libro IV,Cap. XLV, Lerida, 1658

From Jorge Luis Borges, Collected Fictions, Translated by Andrew Hurley Copyright Penguin 1999.

However, feel free to remind me about all the excellent pulp novels I should be reading--James Mal does it all the time.

_________
Top illustration is from Faust from the Cameo Classics Edition illustrated by Harry Clarke that Mandy just got me for Christmas.