I Challenge Your Kung Fu!!!!!

Ok, crowdsourcing a random table was fun, so here's this:

It's 1:36 pm.

My TMNT/Mutant Future game tonight starts at 5-6pm.

That gives y'all between 4 and 5 hours to meet my:

Y.D.I. KUNG FU CHALLENGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finish this random table of kung fu moves, the more responses, the larger the die I roll on the table.

Range of damage should be suitable for combatants with approximately 15 hit points, give or take.

This table will get used on the porn stars in the bleak mutant wasteland tonight.

(Addendum: I really like the ones people have been posting--especially the ones with extra dice "minigames" attached.)

I'll start it off....

1. Golden Monkey Hook Strike: Leap into the air, hook leg around target's neck, land on the ground and attempt to crush trachea. D6 hp + endurance roll to avoid d6 choking damage plus target is on the ground and grappled.

Failure To Reduce Speed May Result In Dinosaurs

The complete half-crowdsourced d100 table of Things That Happen If You Fail Your Handling Check while driving across the mutated wasteland.

I'll be test-driving it tonight, probably in combination with this mechanic. Thanks to everybody who helped out...

("dex or d4" means make a dex or pp roll to avoid taking d4 damage. Seat belts prevent this unless otherwise noted. )

(flip a coin or something to see if you go left or right, when/if applicable.)

1-skid 40 feet, stall.
2-skid, spin 180, stay in same lane.
3-flip over once. You're upside down. dex or d4.
4-flip over twice. You're right side up but not moving. car needs work. dex or d6.
5-spin off the road. still rolling,
6-spin off the road and hit mutant plant which releases spores. con roll or gain a random mutation.
7-spin off the road and hit something hard dex or d8.
8-hit other vehicle--just a tap. 10 sdc to both. If there's no other vehicle, you scratch a sign, guard rail, etc.
9-hit other vehicle--hard. handling checks at -2/10% for both drivers. d8x10 damage to both vehicles.
10-hit other vehicle--medium. handling check for both drivers at -2/10%.
11-hit other vehicle--catastrophic. roll again on this table for both cars twice, each car takes d10x10 damage.
12-pop a side wheelie for a mile and come down smooth. successful charisma check means you manage to convince everyone in the vehicle it was on purpose.
13-minor engine explosion. those within 10 feet of engine take d6 damage. there goes your engine.
14-fwip fwip fwip! one random tire gone. handling check once per round if you go over 35 mph.
15-lost a hubcap. c'est la vie.
16-k-chunk! bad bump, something's hitting the wheel and making bad scary noise. no immediate obvious effect but the longer you ride this, the worse it'll be (GM's discretion).
17-pop a side wheelie and come down hard. roll again.
18-catch some air, come down. make another handling check.
19-due to some combination of geography and speed, you catch some serious air. handling check at -3, but if you make it, you are +1 on all initiative rolls for the rest of the day because you're so buzzed
20-fly 60 feet through the air, come down hard. your car is dead. dex or d10 sdc to everybody inside.
21-flip over and spin. dex or d12 to everybody inside.
22-whoaaaaa. wiggly. dex or d4 to everybody inside.
23-pothole or something. transmission wrenched. speed halved.
24-slide into other vehicle but, hey, look at that, they take 20 sdc and have to make a handling check and you're fine.
25-lost your muffler.
26-chugk. rattlerattle. ting! something stuck somewhere in your vehicle fell out and now it runs better! +1 to all handling checks from now on.
27-gas tank leak. lose 5 gallons per mile.
28-thunkg, wrenchhhh, ching! lose random window.
29-same, but lose back window
30-same, but lose front windshield
31-swerve, slam into your horn. now it won't stop. -2 to everyone on everything until they get used to it (takes 5 minutes).
32-lost a headlight.
33-lost both headlights.
34-lost a side mirror. -3/15% to handling checks when you'd want a side mirror.
35-trunk flies open. 50-5o chance anything in there falls out. roll once per item.
36-part of your vehicle is on fire now. you're not sure which part.
37-radio comes on spontaneously, it's your favorite song. if the vehicle has no radio, you suddenly discover that it does. rock! Now if it's the post-apocalypse, where the fuck did that radio station come from?
38-weird swerve. anybody in the back seat roll dex or d6.
39-skid. whirr, k-chuggg-kk! everybody inside dex or d6. car takes 50 sdc. it's ok. it's ok.
40-big fucking crash into nearby large and unmoving object. car is totalled. everybody dex or d20. dex or d12 if you're wearing a seatbelt.
41-fly into the air--you're about to flip but your car is held in a mysterious null-inertia field. you just hang there. what the fuck?
42-oh, that didn't sound good. vehicle takes 100 sdc.
43-whoa, whoa, whoa! crissssh! all handling checks are at -2/-10% now.
44-as above, except -4, -30%
45-roll twice
46-roll three times
47-vrooom, screech, skraaaaaape, wobblewobble. everybody roll con or PE to avoid vomiting.
48-mutant animal suddenly appears in the road. 1-2 small 3-4 medium but fast 5-6 large with chameleon-lke abilities (GM's choice of what exact animal)--Do you try to avoid hitting it? If so, roll again on this table. if not, well, ask your GM.)
49-brake immediately and everybody takes dex or d4 or roll three times. You decide.
50-move one lane to the right or left to avoid losing control.

51. large mutant bug hits windshield. no effect if it's not on drivers' side (50-50) but effete aristocrat in next town may offer to buy it as an example of "found art" for 3 cans of gasoline/diesel fuel.

52. lose a wheel. skid a number of feet = to your mph and stop.

53. Pit trap! The vehicle crashes with a note of finality into a specially dug trap for vehicles. May or may not be an ambush waiting, perhaps the trap was from long ago and was abandoned, or perhaps it's time to fight off a horde of mutant lizards who want to eat your skin. Vehicle is going to take some time to dig out unless you know anything about engineering/have some help.

54. loud screeching of metal on metal from transmission. 1-2, attracts large land predator, 5-6, a larger flying predator.

55. You bump a small object and get back on track, minor damage to the car, rattled for 5min.

55. A pedestrian appears in the middle of the road. If swerving to avoid collision, re-roll. If not, roll on this table:
1: Pedestrian is an extra-terrestrial super-being, which constitutes an immovable object. car is totalled. everybody dex or d20. dex or d12 if you're wearing a seatbelt.
2: Pedestrian is a time-displaced, long-lost friend or relative of PC in car.
3: Pedestrian was a dummy filled with explosives. Car is now airborne, and flipping forwards clockwise. 50% chance of landing wheels first.
4: Pedestrian was just a pedestrian and is now mangled beyond belief, but still somehow miraculously hanging onto car.

56. drive off the road into minefield.

1-anti-logic mines
2-radiation mines
3-gas mine
4-explosives

57. Steering wheel comes off and the brakes no longer works. Vehicle continues in same direction.

58. The vehicle transforms! A bump in the road has awaken its sentient core.

59. There's something on the wing (mirror).

60. Fender dragging.
61. Brakes gone.

62. Gas pedal stuck.

62. Large paper blows onto windshield.

Odd, obscures view. Even, does not.

Paper is:

1 old newspaper 'leisure' section
2 wanted poster with pc's face and name on it
3 blueprints to a large underground installation
4 map of local area
5 map of someplace else
6 wanted poster with npc's face and name on it

63. A bump opens a hitherto-hidden compartment containing a random (or GM's choice) item.

64. Bump, spin 360. You're fine but lose a turn against any pursuers and have to start again from 0.

65. You're bumper-to bumper pushing or being pushed by other vehicle. Roll another handling check.

66. Bats and huge manta rays fly out of the sky. Or did you just hit your head?

67. The pair of fuzzy dice hanging from rear-view mirror are sentient, and berate the driver for being inattentive and reckless with the vehicle.

68. Lose a door.
69. Hit something, dent in part of car.
70. Rattle. PE roll or disoriented.

71. Spring pokes through seat and up into driver's backside.

1 on 1d10 chance of contracting tetanus, unless wearing armour.

Swerve to the right (odd), or left (even).

72. Ominous squeaking noise increasing in volume from left rear side. 1d4 miles later throw left rear wheel. Crawl to halt in d4 rounds and watch the wheel roll past you.

73. Ominous squeaking noise increasing in volume from left rear side. No cause can be discovered, and even the best mechanic will be unable to replicate the problem.

74. Hit a crazy stupid cult leader suddenly appearing in the middle of the road. Vehicle takes d10 sdc, everyone in vehicle gets 3d10 crazed culty enemies (1 in 1d4, it's a suicide cult, so they're allies, but they want you to join...)

75. Vehicle suddenly jumps 10 feet in the air. Roll d6:
1-3 Vehicle comes down hard, medium handling check to stay in control.
4-5 Vehicle flips on to it's side and skids to a stop. Everybody dex or d6.
6 Vehicle flips upside down. Everybody dex or d20. dex or d12 if you're wearing a seatbelt.
If PCs investigate, 15ft sinkhole in the road contains giant mutant worm creature (think Tremors) that has dashed it's head against vehicle undercarriage. d3 other creatures nearby are drawn to vibrations and will arrive in d4+2 mins each. Good luck!

76. Light reflecting off of the Saint Christopher medallion dangling from the rear-view mirror temporarily blinds you for 2-4 turns.

77. You leave your right turn signal on, drawing the ire of your passengers and 2-4 vehicles immediately behind you.

78.Random light stuck on.
79. air conditioner stuck on.
80. ac stuck off.
81. interior light broken.
82. interior light stuck on.

83. A school of jellyfish splatter across the windshield, sticking to it for 1d4 turns.

Using windshield wipers only smears them worse than before (add an additional 2 turns).

Touching the tentacles with bare skin results in a painful swelling and blistering (1d4 damage), but enables a clarity of mind and dexterity that gives +15% to handling checks for 1d6 turns.

84. dash lighter malfunctions. small fire in front seat.

85. distracting hitchhiker at the side of road (d10 x 3)

Hitchhiker is:

1-3 male, 4-6 female, 7-10 indeterminate.

wearing:

1 only boots and goggles
2 sunglasses and a muu-muu
3 orange coveralls
4 a badly stuffed Santa suit
5 a patent leather catsuit
6 a massive smile
7 uniform from a defunct law enforcement agency
8 novelty t-shirt and parachute pants
9 a parka, scarf, toque and mittens
10 an elaborate, feathered headdress

holding:

1 nothing
2 a toolbox
3 a towel
4 a parasol and large wicker basket
5 a backpack
6 a tire iron
7 a leash with a small dog-headed child attached
8 a large rifle
9 a bottle of alcohol
10 a large block of cheese

86. You see a signpost with directions for a destination towards which you think want to go, but pointing in a direction different from the one you have been heading. Slow down and lose 10-30 minutes trying to figure out which way is correct.

87. Large bump deploys a drag-chute and slows vehicle by 40mph, until chute is cut away.

88. Lid of cup in cup holder comes off, splashing a foul smelling liquid onto a pine scented air-freshener, causing it to grow immediately into a mature pine tree which smashes up through the windshield, to a height of 30'.

89. As 37, radio turns on. Broadcasts (d6):
1-2. Static
3. Signal from a settlement, inviting survivors to come for aid and shelter.
4. Automated signal from a pre-collapse government installation.
5. An odd low bass thrumming, which is barely audible, but can be felt in your guts.
6. Nyarlathotep.

90. skid, sideways triple pinwheel through the air. successful handling check at -4/-20% and you're fine and everyone thinks you're awesome, otherwise everyone takes dex or d20 and car crawls along at 10% speed.

91. Something is burning in or on the engine. roll 1d4.
1. roadkill. ME checks or vomit.
2. chemicals. PE checks or -2 to all rolls for next day.
3. smoke. Blind until you make 3 successful PP checks to waft smoke, open windows, etc.
4. horror. Increasing smell of meat, but harmless. If investigated, there are four hands (roll on species table) nailed to engine block.

92. An unlabeled button on dashboard lights up and starts rapidly flashing.

If pressed:

1 nothing happens
2 the button flashes faster
3 an electrical charge shocks you
4 you are mentally linked with an onboard computer that lets you know the status of many of the vehicle's systems as well as it's overdue maintenance schedule for the last seven years. It also hints at its previous life as a control system of part of an orbital navigation satellite network.

93. "Did you see that?" Something unsettling in the sky-- a time rift! You are distracted & roll to a stop. Roll d4.

1. Mutation surge: primal. Gain 1d6 Bio-E, but decrease IQ by 10. This lasts until player is unconscious through battle or sleep.
2. Gary Morbriar! A mutant fox in a white suit of armor (a space suit) lies in a crater in the road.
3. Dinosaurs. Replace next random encounter in the region with a dinosaur encounter-- they've entered the food chain. All further random creatures in area have a 50% chance of being dinosaurs.
4. UFO. A party of 1d4 mutant humans, resembling grey aliens, takes an unhealthy, abductory interest in the party.

94. A red light comes on in the centre of the dash board, and a robotic voice starts calling for "Michael".

95. You hear and feel what sounds like a large projectile being fired nearby. (d4)

1 nothing happens
2 fireworks explode above you
3 it is your vehicle back-firing, and it continues to do so 1d4 times.
4 it is a large projectile being fired! Roll on table to see where on vehicle is hit and what damage has been done.

96. Vehicle crashes and explodes in a suitably dramatic 80's action movie fashion, flinging the occupants to relative safety. About a mile further on, the survivors discover a complete working replica of their now-destroyed vehicle, occupied by what looks like their own skeletons.

97. A jarring bump, everything seems fine until someone realizes with horror: The Cigarette Lighter Is Gone !

98. A jarring bump, everything seems fine until someone realizes with horror: Where did that person in the back seat come from?!? (d6)

1 harmless hitchhiker
2 thieving hitchhiker
3 sociopathic hitchhiker
4 it's just me, Chatty Squirrel
5 quantum time-traveler trying to set this timestream 'back on the right path'
6 Grandma Sally, 1 in 4 that she died in her sleep hours ago and nobody noticed

99. A dashboard display flashes the following message:

1 No signal found.
2 Battery strength at 23%
3 Man is something that shall be overcome. What have you done to overcome him? (Or another random Nietzsche maxim...)
4 Insufficient memory to perform back-up.
5 Battery strength at 42%
6 Sample DNA not recognized by sequencer. Please insert new sample and restart thermocycler.
7 Passenger seatbelt is unfastened. (Irregardless of whether this fact is true or not.)
8 In the event of a landing at sea, your seat cushions can be utilized as a flotation device.
9 Flux Capacitor Failed - Eject Flux Capacitor, Flux Capacitor Failed - Eject Flux Capacitor repeated over and over. (There is no button labeled 'Flux Capacitor'.)
10 Engine temperature has reached maximum operating parameters. Engine shutdown in 5, 4, 3... (Engine shuts down and vehicle will coast to a stop and remain that way for at least 30 minutes.)

100. Buzz rumblestrip, disturbing a enormous colony of miniature mutant grouse. The colony takes to the air obstructing sight. All drivers in the area check perception (M.E.) or roll again d4 times.

Help Me Finish This Table

This is a d100 table of Things That Happen If You Fail Your Handling Check while driving across the mutated wasteland. It only has 50 results so far. If you feel like helping out, write in some more results in the comments and number them starting with 51 and going up. If you only wanna do 1 or 2 that's fine...

It'll probably get used tomorrow.

("dex or d4" means make a dex or pp roll to avoid taking d4 damage. Seat belts prevent this unless otherwise noted. )

(flip a coin or something to see if you go left or right, if applicable.)

1-skid 40 feet, stall.
2-skid, spin 180, stay in same lane.
3-flip over once. You're upside down. dex or d4.
4-flip over twice. You're right side up but not moving. car needs work. dex or d6.
5-spin off the road. still rolling,
6-spin off the road and hit mutant plant which releases spores. con roll or gain a random mutation.
7-spin off the road and hit something hard dex or d8.
8-hit other vehicle--just a tap. 10 sdc to both. If there's no other vehicle, you scratch a sign, guard rail, etc.
9-hit other vehicle--hard. handling checks at -2/10% for both drivers. d8x10 damage to both vehicles.
10-hit other vehicle--medium. handling check for both drivers at -2/10%.
11-hit other vehicle--catastrophic. roll again on this table for both cars twice, each car takes d10x10 damage.
12-pop a side wheelie for a mile and come down smooth. successful charisma check means you manage to convince everyone in the vehicle it was on purpose.
13-minor engine explosion. those within 10 feet of engine take d6 damage. there goes your engine.
14-fwip fwip fwip! one random tire gone. handling check once per round if you go over 35 mph.
15-lost a hubcap. c'est la vie.
16-k-chunk! bad bump, something's hitting the wheel and making bad scary noise. no immediate obvious effect but the longer you ride this, the worse it'll be (GM's discretion).
17-pop a side wheelie and come down hard. roll again.
18-catch some air, come down. make another handling check.
19-due to some combination of geography and speed, you catch some serious air. handling check at -3, but if you make it, you are +1 on all initiative rolls for the rest of the day because you're so buzzed
20-fly 60 feet through the air, come down hard. your car is dead. dex or d10 sdc to everybody inside.
21-flip over and spin. dex or d12 to everybody inside.
22-whoaaaaa. wiggly. dex or d4 to everybody inside.
23-pothole or something. transmission wrenched. speed halved.
24-slide into other vehicle but, hey, look at that, they take 20 sdc and have to make a handling check and you're fine.
25-lost your muffler.
26-chugk. rattlerattle. ting! something stuck somewhere in your vehicle fell out and now it runs better! +1 to all handling checks from now on.
27-gas tank leak. lose 5 gallons per mile.
28-thunkg, wrenchhhh, ching! lose random window.
29-same, but lose back window
30-same, but lose front windshield
31-swerve, slam into your horn. now it won't stop. -2 to everyone on everything until they get used to it (takes 5 minutes).
32-lost a headlight.
33-lost both headlights.
34-lost a side mirror. -3/15% to handling checks when you'd want a side mirror.
35-trunk flies open. 50-5o chance anything in there falls out. roll once per item.
36-part of your vehicle is on fire now. you're not sure which part.
37-radio comes on spontaneously, it's your favorite song. if the vehicle has no radio, you suddenly discover that it does. rock! Now if it's the post-apocalypse, where the fuck did that radio station come from?
38-weird swerve. anybody in the back seat roll dex or d6.
39-skid. whirr, k-chuggg-kk! everybody inside dex or d6. car takes 50 sdc. it's ok. it's ok.
40-big fucking crash into nearby large and unmoving object. car is totalled. everybody dex or d20. dex or d12 if you're wearing a seatbelt.
41-fly into the air--you're about to flip but your car is held in a mysterious null-inertia field. you just hang there. what the fuck?
42-oh, that didn't sound good. vehicle takes 100 sdc.
43-whoa, whoa, whoa! crissssh! all handling checks are at -2/-10% now.
44-as above, except -4, -30%
45-roll twice
46-roll three times
47-vrooom, screech, skraaaaaape, wobblewobble. everybody roll con or PE to avoid vomiting.
48-mutant animal suddenly appears in the road. 1-2 small 3-4 medium but fast 5-6 large with chameleon-lke abilities (GM's choice of what exact animal)--Do you try to avoid hitting it? If so, roll again on this table. if not, well, ask your GM.)
49-brake immediately and everybody takes dex or d4 or roll three times. You decide.
50-move one lane to the right or left to avoid losing control.

Deck of Hurtful Things

When throwing together random post-apocalyptic villains for our TMNT game, I find that deciding what weapons they're carrying is a subtler task than in the D&D campaign.

In D&D, the weapons tend to be either standard issue (bow, sword, axe) or culturally-specific (the goblins throw vials of slime at people, that's just one of their things), and anything more unusual than that is probably magic, so it's treasure and therefore rare.

In the post-apocalyptic setting, the "everything is scavenged" vibe and the resulting lack of unifying "cultures" plus the wildly varying tech levels plus the whole survivalistic angle plus the fact that novel weapons are not necessarily more powerful than standard-issue ones (i.e. they're not necessarily magic) plus the fact that a big draw of the Ninja Turtle game is the novelty and complexity of the fight scenes all suggest that the precise kind of weapons used plays a much bigger role in defining the mood than it does in good old Vornheim which, after all, is supposed to look and act enough like Medieval Europe often enough that the players are at least a little surprised when things get weird.

Point being: it is helpful to think up a wild and various list of possible weapons the baddies could be carrying in a radioactive future in the event that the PCs run into unexpected trouble or in the event that I get lazy about building specific badguys before I run a session.

Rather than write these on a chart, I decided it'd be fractionally easier to get a sharpie and write the weapons and their vital stats on a set of playing cards. (I know I'm not the only one, lots of game companies produce card products with treasures or traps or whatall on them--and of course there's Sham's W/O Walls dungeon-building technique. It's easier to look at a one thing on a card than find something in the middle of a chart.)

I used the cards themselves to suggest what weapons would go on them: clubs are blunt weapons, diamonds are edged weapons, spades are projectiles and firearms, and hearts were various unarmed strikes and techniques. The value of the card roughly corresponds to the power level of the weapon--with court cards being exceptionally bizarre or powerful. Jokers are wacky weapons.

Now if the party tries to rob d6 mutant bikers for their gasoline, I can shuffle, deal, and in that moment where everyone tries to read my handwriting it's just like that moment where you go "He's reaching for something! What is it? A knife? A gun? A limpet mine made from a real limpet? A speedboat propeller attached to a frisbee?"

I kinda like the idea of using playing-card vandalism to handle anything in any game that:

--comes up a lot,

--doesn't take too long to think up,

--you want to be different every time, and...

--isn't very environment-specific

The Yog-Sothoth.com people have an insanity deck for Cthulhu--seems like the kind of thing that makes sense to be in a deck. NPC personalities could be a good one to do next. Clubs are cliquish, diamonds are powerful, spades are dangerous, hearts are friendly...something like that.

Last Night's Game In 9 Pictures

________

(Visual aids, terrain, and minis used during the TMNT adventure in The Red Palace.)

Oh, and for those keeping up with the rules hacks--removing SDC worked out fine. Felt just like D&D.

Katana + Monster Truck + Radiation - Taste =....

The Ninja Turtle Campaign world thought process last night went something like:

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles +...

Pendragon...

Pendragon? +

Oriental Adventures...Warring clans...

Clutch!

Yes I'm a new world samurai, beebopawoobopalopbamboom

Ah, there we go, and it all clicked...

Hacking The Turtle System.

Ok, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Future game (and thanks, once again, to Troll and Toad for sending it). It's the Palladium system. So, quickly, here is the dealy on combat for the uninitiated:

-weapons do D&D-comparable damage (d6, d8 etc.--the average pistol does 2d6--weapons beyond that are rare in this campaign)

-d20 to strike. Roll a above a 4 to hit, unless the other guy/other pornstar rolls above you to dodge or parry. (And sometimes there's an armor rating to roll over, but armor's uncommon).

-so: you get hit a lot more than in D&D

-stats are 3d6--that is, D&Dish

-starting characters have Endurance stat (3d6) plus d6 hit points. about 3-4 times what you'd have in D&D.

-so far, so good--you get hit more than D&D, but you got more hit points. No worries.

-HOWEVER, then on top of that you get, on average, 35 SDC (Structural Damage Capacity) (just like hit points) to start with and that's BEFORE you buy armor which adds more SDC.

Net effect: it's like an hour of karate and small-arms fire before anybody starts going "Hey, I'm kinda hurt, maybe I should start thinking before I roll these dice just so's I don't die." In my opinion, in any game, PCs should start thinking that as soon as they see anything made of metal.

Solution would appear to be:

A) Get rid of the SDC stat all together, except if you acquire armor and

B) Convince your players to be ok with that.

I'll let you know how that works out.

__

Other hacks already initiated to speed character generation that seem to've worked out fine:

-Instead of money (shopping takes more time than adults feel comfortable devoting to deciding what a talking iguana is carrying), PCs start with any 1 contemporary object smaller than a breadbox and 2 weapons--any ancient weapon or a pistol, plus they roll on all these charts which nobody minds 'cause it's fun. Hey, it's the post-apocalypse, nobody uses money anyway. So far the breadbox rule hasn't been munchkinized--it's hard to think of a handheld gamebreaker when electricity is rare and you never know what substance the next settlement will consider valuable.

-for skills, you get proficiencies in whatever weapons you're carrying, plus d12 more skills, whatever you want. As-published-TMNT has charts determining your background and thus what skills you have plus a whole category of "secondary skills". But, really, the apocalypse happened, all social order has broken down, cats and dogs live together (and own katanas), why shouldn't someone have sew, dance, pilot:hovercraft and implant cybernetics?

-i like that the system's skill-based--its one reason i don't just roll Mutant Future or something instead. All the skills like "read sensory equipment" make technology in TMNT the equivalent of magic in D&D--an arcane world of nooks and crannies. Only problem is figuring all your percentages when you're making your character and adding the modifiers (each skill has it's own percent chance to succeed, plus modifiers per level, plus ones based on your IQ etc.). So I just said: you have a skill, that means you can roll on the appropriate attribute once per level to do that thing. Pick locks at 2nd level? That means you can pick locks with a successful dex--sorry "physical prowess"--roll and you get two chances. That's how I do it in D&D. At high levels the GM just needs to remember that difficult tasks get monstrous negative modifiers.

Right about now you're probably wondering if that's the only thing I like about it and why I don't just use a million other systems. Fine question...

I also like the Bio-E system--where you have to buy your way up from being a regular animal--you gotta buy speech and hands and the ability to walk upright--or go halfway. It makes a player think about their little bastard in detail.

Plus I think--theoretically--I like having compatibility with all the other Palladium stuff. I am eying the martial-arts systems from Ninjas & Superspies for possible importation.

Plus, there's the player buy-in factor: the girls like the Turtles. We got the movie on VHS, and the Jim Lawson mutant animal pictures (of which I can find zero decent examples on-line) beat the hell out of the Gamma World ones for inspiration.

"Ach, zese animals..."

....this is what Steve's guy mutters as he leans on the hood of his unloved truck's engine block and fires his .45 into the back of a doomed road pirate and then proceeds to roll double sixes and then 11 and then 3 more (with Savage World's style "exploding dice") for 26 points of damage.

(And the guy he shot was just barely dead. I got serious hack plans for the Palladium SDC system because average starting characters can get shot like 20 times and still not die. More on these later.)

Steve originally figured his character would be a kind of Harry-Dean-Stanton-in-Alien/Repo Man-mechanic-type but later decided that he was like a German heroin--addicted army vet and based his character off Deiter Dengler--the guy from that Werner Herzog movie Rescue Dawn.

His lone human character had a strange pathos, motoring across the post apocalyptic desert in the company of Dr. Chainsaw Chihuahua (Kimberly)(right)(played by a d&d minis barghest), Zenobia the mutant red panda (Mandy)(left)(played by a cute Reaper mini called "Echidnox")...
Unnamed Snake Mutant w/ Penguin named Professor (Nixon)(sleeve tattoo), and Unnamed Turtle Mutant (occasional 'Axe' cameraman Darren)(holding the chihuahua).

So, he was long-suffering, this lonely German:

First there was a big controversy over about which vehicle to pick...quick Mechanical: Auto checks confirmed that the red truck was the fastest and the army truck had armored sides and bulletproof windows. The animals liked that--and the Lego bus was also popular since it had, y'know, a gun on it, but Steve was all about the 4 axle GM van, on grounds of both style and reliability (it was obviously the newest). I also said it had a sauna. Because the actual real truck in the picture had a sauna.

Nixon... ....and Darren and Mandy and Kimberly outvoted him and they went with the bulletproof army dealy.

Steve got a little sulky. For reals. "I don't wanna drive this fucking thing".

Minutes later, after a carnivorous, hopping reptiline had landed on it, he even went so far as to complain that the windshield was bulletproof--since it stopped him from shooting through it.

_____

Their assignment is to review restaurants--Zenobia works for Gourmet magazine reviewing the eateries of the wasteland--a job requiring bodyguards, ninja skills, and frequent medical attention.

The adventure began with an attack from the aforementioned road pirates. They drove up from behind...
(pirate car played by a toy car I made a while back outta model airplane parts, party's army van played by the remote control)

Nixon climbed up on the roof and tried to katana chop the wirepoon line stretched from vehicle to vehicle (played by a shoelace). Steve dealt with the pirate's pet cat-lizard...
Chainsaw Chihuahua used her automotive basic and automotive mechanics-body to divine that the road pirates vehicle had a weak spot near the engine block on the hood, Mandy shot at it, and Darren's turtle played stirring music on the MOOG he'd rolled for random equipment.

There were a lot of handling rolls to do when Mandy rolled a 19 and hit something important inside the bad guy's car--thus immediately turning it into 5,000 lbs of dead weight (and that catlizard was still on the windshield, despite hopes that the wiper fluid would scare it off) but the weltschmerz-ridden driver kept the crate on the road. Chainsaw Chihuahua mananged to gnaw apart the last bits of the frayed cord, sending the attackers sprawling into the clutches of some very poor rolls to keep their car right side up and themselves in it, respectively.
After a lot of shooting, martial arts, and math, all the black hats go down and our heroes loot the car for treasure.

In with the gasoline (not diesel, unfortunately) and ammo (I'm having everybody count bullets) there's a notebook.

It's full of notes on three local restaurants--the road pirates were working for Bon Appetit magazine.

The notes say: Homesick Diner is on the far side of the Genesis Pits, Bon Appetit didn't get to review Sikorsky's spinning rooftop restaurant since it's surrounded by a gang war, and the Red Palace apparently has fortune cookies that are always right.

So which restaurant would your players review first?

You Feel Yourself Begin To Change...

In The Middle Of The Game Mutagen-Exposure Slow-Burn Tension-Building Mutation Tables (player rolls on each table in order)

Table 1
d6
1-2 Minor physical mutation
3-4 Major physical mutation
5-6 Minor mental mutation

Table 2
d6
1-2 Beneficial mutation
3-4 Adverse mutation
5-6 Mixed blessing

Table 3
d10
1 Player picks mutation (subject to GM approval)
2 Roll on any available random mutation table from any game (player picks which table)*
3 Random creature is chosen--player picks a mutation characteristic of that creature that fits the first two rolls
4 GM picks mutation
5 Roll on any available random mutation table from any game (GM picks which table)*
6 Random creature is chosen--GM picks a mutation characteristic of that creature that fits the first two rolls
7 Player chooses a 2-word phrase including the word "mutant" or "mutation", performs a Google image search and gains an appropriate characteristic derived from the first result.
8 As 7 but GM chooses phrase
9 As 7 but player to the player's left chooses the phrase
10 As 7 but player to the player's right chooses the phrase

*ignore results which don't fit profile established by first two rolls

We Will Ride On a Road Of Bones

For our upcoming mutant game, Mandy's going to be a mutant red panda (and, in a fine example of ruleset-abetted adorableness, she has only Speech-Partial, the idea being she can talk like Pikachu), Connie's being a zebrawoman (totally mute, she has Mathematics-Advanced, however, which probably makes for rather complex combinations of foot-stomps, luckily she also has Dance) and KK is going to be a cyborg chihuahua with a chainsaw-blade for a mohawk.

In addition, on game day we may have as many as 7 more people showing up and god knows who'll be what.

The first choice the group has to make is what their ride'll be. Here're the options for post-apocalyptic wheels, courtesy of lunchtime Google image search:

A. This is the kinda thing Eastern European hardcore bands tour in...

B. The classic cars infesting Malta are one of the more charming consequences of British imperialism...
C. I like how this one looks like an eraser.
D. I considered having a Jokermobile as an option, but I feel like that's the kinda badass you gotta get out there and earn. As a consolation, this bus does have some kinda hellish fully-automatic mounted on it and a pokey grill for impaling your distant ancestors as they bound gracefully across your ungrateful mutant path...

E. Racially sensitive mutant animals might prefer to travel in a vehicle that is, itself, a mutant:

F. Budget option. I wonder what the base vehicle under this mutt was, exactly? Is it more one thing than another? It looks like at least 2 parts of it are from a crane.

Addendum: since I posted this in the dead of night, the first comments were from across the pond. UK gamers have informed me: A) This is called a "Routemaster" (what we in the colonies call "those Paddington-Bear-looking red doubledecker things that come in every Matchbox set") and B) It's supposed to look like this. The mysteries of British automotive engineering know no bounds.
Each vehicle has distinctive advantages and disadvantages, some of which are obvious, and some of which can be discovered by a clever mutant with a successful automotive mechanics roll.

Which would your players pick?

Wyvern + Quickstart Mutant Characters

Frankie vs. The Wyvern of The Well

Click here for bigger version...

And, yes, Merriam Webster says it's WHY-vurn. OED--mystifyingly--renders the first syllable as "wei" but the e is a schwa, which is an "uh" sound. No idea, really. I pronounce like I imagine Beowulf did, based on the way he would've spelled it.

Also, here's my quickstart character sheet for my upcoming ten-player Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle/Mutant Future game--it ain't pretty but it gets everything you need on there.

Seems like a nice middle ground between spending forever on character generation on day one and making everybody play pregens.


Click to be able to fucking read it.

Skills have been simplified to resemble the system we use for D&D so you just tick the ones you have and starting equipment has been pared down to: 2 weapons--any ancient weapon and/or a pistol--plus any one other modern item smaller than a breadbox plus roll on the charts on the character sheet (about half the items upon which were stolen from Jeff).