Showing posts with label Red & Pleasant Land. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Red & Pleasant Land. Show all posts

Monday, February 27, 2023

A New Zak Print Project AND Red and Pleasant Land Is Being Reprinted

I won in court and I'm innocent, publishers have decided to start making Zak books again:

Fierce Ponies is a publishing company run by transmasc gamer Molly Scanlon and Ponies is putting out a new print edition of A Red and Pleasant Land!


And Boonie Dog run by Alex Hopson is, well, I'll let him explain:

To do my part to decancel Zak, I will be publishing a major LotFP-compatible product with him…..and here it is……

The setting is a love letter to Okinawa, the island where I grew-up beginning in 1978 as a pre-schooler and continuing to graduation from high school, summer breaks during my university and law school days, and every year since to visit my wife’s Okinawan family.  I retired from the legal profession about 10 years ago to the island as a restauranteur to help preserve the indigenous cuisine and a dying local culture.

For this setting, I pulled from almost every source available to me: Histories and folklores of various groups on the main and outer islands of the Ryukyu chain, mainland Japan, China's Fujian Province, Taiwan, Hong Kong, my gaming groups which are, depending upon the group, local Okinawan, Japanese, American and European expats gamers, my experience as a TTRPG player, GM, my experience as an attorney, my experience in researching and preserving ancient local foods, my 89 year old Okinawan mother in law, Japanese college professors, linguists, calligraphers, local karate and kung fu masters, dietician, folklorists, traditional hajichi tattoo artists, and lastly, my dear, wife. I originally conceived a “Japan Only” release, but decided to open it up to all, so there will definitely be an English version.

The impetus of the setting and theme came to me after reading a 2016 article.  The article discusses how archeologists working deep within an Okinawan cave unearthed a Roman coin dating to approximately the 4th century A.D.    What in God’s ( Yaweh, Buddah, Allah; or your deity of choice) name was a Roman coin doing buried on the far side of the world on a tiny pacific island, deep inside a cave!?! There are countless theories, but I romanticized (pun intended) that some Roman envoy had circumnavigated their way all the way out here as explorers, traders, conquerors, seekers of treasure or enlightenment; or all of the above. But what must foreign eyes have glimpsed of this subtropical island in those times? I pulled a few books and websites concerning the island’s history and found that in those days, the island suffered quite a bit from volcanic activity. In fact, the whole island chain was believed formed from extinct underwater volcanos in prehistory.  But those fault lines and resultant volcanoes are not really extinct, we still suffer through a number of significant earthquakes and active eruptions on the outer islands, as well as from the effects of new underwater volcano formation every year.

Fantastically and rhetorically speaking, what if the someone or “someones” could magically or druidically stop a volcanic eruption? What form of magic in the current gaming-world canon could do that?? …..and who would be powerful enough to wield it? And, what if that magic wasn’t quite perfect?  E.g. a ritual’s timing was off by only a few seconds or minutes??……the idea of the “Nebulith” was thus conceived…… a plume of volcanic ash turned to stone, mid-eruption..,,containing creatures from above; the living (and dead!) on the surface that were thrust skyward; and foul creatures from the deep that need now only climb the walls of the cavity created.  A billowing, vertical mega-dungeon that touches the sky, if you will.

The Nebulith is for me, a mistake borne of magic and good intentions that has created a physical, philosophical and metaphorical tendril between the heavens and hells of this world and all that lies in between.  A tangible, bi-directional ladder that may be traversed by humanoids, beasts, demons, gods and goddesses.  It has the billowy texture, color swirls, and dream-state magical qualities of a solidified cloud and the inhabitants to match.

The Nebulith is set against the backdrop of the island that I love and which:

-is the birthplace karate;

-is an intersecting port of ancient Japanese, Chinese, Filipino, Korean (and possibly Roman!:-) trade, settlements, culture, art, cuisine, folklore and ideas that have functioned to produce a wholly new and unique culture that is intermingled, yet simultaneously, wholly individual and original;

-mysteriously houses the longest lifespans of any human population in the world;

-and, has one of the worlds few primordial religions still in existence.

In the game besides the fantastical Nebulith itself, there is a whole island to explore with mysterious characters, philosophical conundrums, bizarre encounters, 1000 year old temples built atop 1000 year old temples, political drama, pirate-infested coastlines and new bad-ass, martial arts fighting mechanics with weapons and leveling.

Compiled with LotFP* in mind, it can easily be converted to any OSR setting. Campaign or one-shot, bring your existing characters and weapons by boat to the Nebulith or roll -up new ones local to the island chain.

*For the LotFP crowd and those that like it, a lot dark and a little twisted, take the trails down to the lower Nebulith, we’ll have few surprises waiting 😉

Im really geeked for this new setting…. New player classes, monsters, items, magic, karate dojos, female samurai, ninja, pterodactyls, royal houses and that’s tip of the iceberg…..plus brand, new art, design and crunch by the one and only Zak S!    Zak games are back!

More details as they become available…..

Boonie Dog/AH


 

Friday, October 7, 2016

Some Player Fucking Skill Right There

Arella's playing a Red & Pleasant Landified version of Curse of Strahd I guess? Anyway, they want to make the Heart Queen eat some garlic by hiding it in a mirror cake. And yes, a mirror cake is a real thing:
Arella actually walks us through the process of getting and mixing every single part of this murdercake:

Where do you get hartshorn from? Deer antler, and evidently a little goes a long way. I scour over Victor (mage/necromancer), Hellsing (cleric), and my own (bard) spell lists - nobody uses antler as a component, so nobody would have any. Shit. Then it hits me - GELATIN. Gelatin is perfect for this, especially since I’m aiming for a pound cake. The topping for this mirror surface needs gelatin anyway. ………. oh…….. but there’s….. only one place to get gelatin here.

Prianna’s eyes shift over to the human corpses, she cringes, then she goes for it. At this point they’re pretty unrecognizable as HUMANS, but the thought is still there. She’s had to handle animal bones before, she works primarily with monster meat, animal meat, etc from freshly killed creatures. Using her knives she’d be able to separate muscle and “meat” from bone with some work - she wouldn’t ask the others to help her with this gruesome task, she wouldn’t want this experience burned into their minds. Bones would get tossed into boiling water in large pots, as many as she could have on at once to severely cut down on cooking time. Usually this process takes many hours, but multiple sources have told me that if you boil small batches simultaneously, it’ll cut it down to where I need it to be.
The kitchen smells awful at this point. Prianna pulls out any warm smelling spices from the spice cabinet and tosses them on some heat with some water to fill the air. Cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, those are staples, easy to find in any kitchen even if it’s been severely depleted. Everything smells like a slightly sour Christmas, but she’s not gagging anymore.

Brown film coming to the top of the pots have to be skimmed off regularly, and once no film is left they’re set to boil for awhile - at the same time as the milk is being prepared to cut down on time here. Bones get removed from the pot and tossed aside. The liquid is strained through multiple layers of fabric, fat on the surface of the liquid remaining gets skimmed, and the liquid is boiled down further, a few times over, until it’s reduced to 1/16th it’s volume. We now have gelatin.

The recipe also requires cutting yourself and cone-of-cold

This is my favorite actual-play report written by any player ever. Read the whole thing here.
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Friday, June 10, 2016

Four Projects, Three Castles

Project One:

Remember Red & Pleasant Land? Winner of 2 gold and 2 silver Ennies the Indiecade judges' award and an Indie Rpg Award?

Well that went ahead and won another award: the Three Castles Award. This one is very special to me personally not just because it has a nifty trophy...
...but also because the judge panel is fucking amazing this year and consists of names I've known ever since I was a wee lad and first started thinking about going into dungeons to kill dragons:

Dennis Sustare--as in Chariot of Sustarre, the most badass druid spell in AD&D--who invented the class
James M Ward--who did Metamorphosis Alpha--the first sci-fi RPG. And who I've heard from multiple sources is literally the best GM in game history.
Zeb Cook--Whose name I know best from the cover of the Oriental Adventures book I read over and over and over and over and over as a child.
Steve Winter--Who did a lot on FASERIP, including the best superhero sandbox ever.
and Steve Perrin--As in fucking RuneQuest.

That's an amazing slate and I'm honored that the people who added druids, laserguns, ninjas, rebel superheroes and die mechanics that actually make sense to RPGs even read Red & Pleasant Land much less decided to give it an award--especially considering the other nominees this year were hella impressive.
Let's hope in a couple decades she writes a game and I get to be on a panel giving her an award.

PS if you don't have one and are going to Gen Con, LotFP, the publisher will be there. Though copies do go fast.





Project Two:

Those of you wondering about Black Metal Amazons of the Devoured Land or Amazons of the Metal North or whatever we're calling it--we're working on it:
The girls modeled as the amazons for the paintings I'm doing, here are some pics from the shoot:







Project Three:

Maze of the Blue Medusa (Yes, I plan to do a book for every color in the goddamn rainbow) is now physically manifest and I am pleased to breathe a sigh of relief and note that neither man nor machine has ever devised a finer-looking megadungeon. Not empty boasting, check it:













Also, if you want to play it at GenCon, hurry up and sign up. The games are being run by Ken Baumann,  Satyr Press' publisher and actual real-life tv actor and he's been hilarious and clever in every game I've ever played with him and cracks everyone up.

Here's an actual-play report. And a thorough review.

There will be copies at GenCon but like they will probably be gone in seconds because they're heavy so each vendor can't really carry that many so you might best just order one.

There might be a few expensive signed copies available, too, maybe. If you're into that sort of thing. And if you get an early flight. Stay tuned to this blog for details.


Project Four:

Some stuff about Project Four:

-Project Four is secret, because it will be the subject of a major and official announcement by a big game company.

-Project Four is going to make all the right people incredibly upset when it's announced. Before they even read it.

-Project Four is taking up all my time right now which is why I haven't been posting much.

-Project Four has two main creative people on it, both doing writing and art: me and a woman whose work I've admired for years.

-The necrophilia was her idea.

-Project Four is weird and experimental.

-While writing Project Four I checked into a hotel. Next to the bed was a bible and a copy of Keith Richards' autobiography. I consulted both a great deal.

-"Wherefore a lion out of the forest shall slay them, and a wolf of the evenings shall spoil them, a leopard shall watch over their cities: every one that goeth out thence shall be torn in pieces: because their transgressions are many, and their backslidings are increased"
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And now,  a word from our sponsor:

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Tuesday, November 3, 2015

James Went Into His Attic And You Won't Believe What Happened Next...

...he found 50 copies of Red & Pleasant Land that aren't out in stores. So if you're no up for hunting around, you can order these straight from the publisher.

Only 32 left now, so hurry.

Monday, October 26, 2015

If I Have To Say "Mome Rath" One More Time My Face Will Fall Off

THURSDAY

We were somewhere around West Adams on the edge of the freeway, when the Wayz began to suck balls.

I remember saying something like "We can't stop here, this isn't, like, where the place is."

But the Lyft girl had my back, and soon I was 8 blocks away, in an inflatable orange chair in a building with a plaque outside saying "The main issue in life is not the victory but the fight, the essential thing is to have fought well" which didn't make much sense to me but I took four selfies next to it anyway.

I didn't have much choice: there were a lot of people talking in official capacities at Indiecade The International Festival Of Independent Games but mostly about videogames, which I don't make. There were games to play though, so I did. I'd like to think I fought well, but when you're strapped into VR goggles watching ping-pong balls the size of cantaloupes bouncing off a waffle grid, it can be hard to tell.

I met a Pole and at least three Tylers. I know at least that much. I was informed my books either were or were not at the warehouse.

Eventually I had my only meeting of the day--with a company that made games, TV shows and comic books. I knew had read and enjoyed at least one of the comic books. I looked into the rep's blue eyes, eating Twixes "That was a good comic," I said. It was true.

After meatballs, there were prizes. There were game celebrities I didn't recognize making jokes about each other and saying "devs" and "triple A" and using acronyms. "All these other nominated games look amazing," I thought "I don't deserve to beat any of them". I didn't. Zoe Quinn had great shoes though. Back in Culver City there was a woman at the bar on a first date--Mandy and Stokes gave her a lapdance and kept taking their clothes off. We played a game with- but not of- cards.


FRIDAY

They still make things at 9 in the morning. It's not just that my books are missing, it's that ALL the merch is missing for all of Indiecade. This makes me feel better. 

There are game designers here from France, Poland, Germany, the UK--they ask me why Americans are so neurotic about language, I introduce them to root beer and tater tots. Maybe I am going to hell. The books show up though.

There are a lot of beautiful and very loud machines--a lot of people see a table full of books and just keep walking and I am cool with that, confident that my people will find me. Ok not confident but whatever. I am better off than the guy next to me with the text adventure who has to somehow explain that yes this is a computer but there won't be explosions. It's a good game though. I have his card somewhere. I have a million peoples' cards. I have all cards ever made and there are no cards left on earth. Maybe I should have cards? One day I will have cards. According to this one I met Luke Crane.

Somehow we end up at the same bar where the girls were taking their clothes off the night before. Probably because walking-distance Culver City on a Friday night is like a strip mall in a midwest town with a really important football team. The foreigners ask my advice--I told them art couldn't participate in the societal imperative to suppress the awareness of violence even if it wanted to and also get out of Culver City.


SATURDAY

I am fucking Abe Lincoln tired, but I can still pitch Red & Pleasant Land. But can I run it? People seem to think so, except one perceptive girl who notices that due to the Alice's randomized level-ups her thief can't do anything the person running the Alice can't. Well almost--I try to explain that she's got Languages, which is actually a useful skill, and that the Alice's saves are fucked but I'm so fried from talking about croquet balls and rapiers for hours on end with no sleep I barely believe myself. I won't realize I was right all along until I run the numbers the next day--but by then it's been so long since I slept I've forgotten whether you roll over or under saving throws. Seriously I forgot Red Box I am losing my mind. One kid makes a wizard named 'Bread" one makes a fighter named 'Neighborhood Asshole'.

The Red & Pleasant Lands are sold out by the end of the day, though. So I'm doing something right or everyone's stupid.

I come home to a thick and sugary smell which confuses me until I remember I'd told Anne to make a coat out of marshmallows. There it was, dangling from a floor fan to keep it away from the dogs.

There are two things they never mention about marshmallow coats: they're fucking heavy and women look great in them. We were having a birthday party--people dressed as Wolverine and Jarvis Cocker came, and a girl with sequins instead of eyebrows. It all ended with the birthday girl on my lap serenely mumbling about a game where pugs smell each others' butts which is a net win for Independent Gaming I think.


SUNDAY

Get away from the marshmallow goo all over the floor. Get in the car.  Where am I? Wait: It's preview time and we can preview each others' games. Except I can't because someone has to run this game.

For three days I've sat 20 feet from this video game that looks like exactly like weird spatial nightmares I've been having since I was four and the only game that won two awards and I never get to try it. It looks amazing. I don't vote in the Developer's Choice Award because I haven't touched most of them. People sure do ask a lot of questions. Yes, I drew it. I wrote it. Yes, D&D. It's not technically a game it's a supplement. Where can you get it? Who knows? Stores? I guess? This is Vornheim, get it instead, it's cheaper.

There are at least three other games here with Alice In Wonderland stuff. Meanwhile somebody has a game where you throw trucks that is literally powered by your thoughts.

Event staff tells us abruptly to pack up our gear, there'll be some end-of-Indiecade awards. The People's Choice award goes to Bad Blood, the Developer's Choice award goes to a Macbeth-themed game, the Press Choice Award goes to a game with big colored buttons called Codex Bash, the jury's Special Recognition Award which encompasses not only the normal nominees but everything at Indiecade goes to a fucking book called Red & Pleasant Land by Jez and fucking me.

I'm like what even is that? They give me a trophy with a Nintendo controller and Beavis and Butthead on it. Then I get some fried chicken and explain to some guys who made a game where you power up by screaming into a headset that the best videogame is Space Marine. Then Stokely rolls up EXACTLY WHEN THE SINGALONG PART OF BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY STARTS and we go to a party where we got to smash a virtual reality asteroid and it was scary and then we went to Venice and the only bar on the beach had a Doors cover band and Stokely tells the international game designers about being locked in a vault then there was a bartender in a Green Bay Packers shirt who was like "Oh you did Red and Whatsit Land I liked your game man" and me and the Pole and the guy from Bristol who made the big colored button game finished our drinks in the closing-time light of total exhaustion and weird victory.
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Wednesday, August 5, 2015

We Are 138....no, wait,135...133...


A person named themself "rollforproblematic" and
if you buy one, you will hurt their feelings
Normally I wouldn't hit you fine people with a ton of producty posts all in a row and I am currently working on a long look at Ghost Tower of Inverness but this is kind of a thing:

James only updates the "copies left" of products sporadically and so we didn't realize until this morning: of the 3000 Red & Pleasant Lands printed, there are only 130some left by mail order.

There might be some in stores, but you know how that goes. Again: with Vornheim now only available on ebay for over 100 dollars, if you or anybody you know wants a first edition hardcover, or will want one this Christmas it's time to roll up.

Monday, July 13, 2015

QUIET YOU GUYS THIS PART IS IMPORTANT

Begin transcript:

"What are you?"

"Halfling."

"Halfling."

"Fuck?"

"Everyone's a halfling."

"What if there's a fight?"

"Alphonso said he might play a elf."

"Offffff course. If he shows up."

"Alphonso, man."

"I'm a wizard."

"Halfling wizard?"

"Ok, so there's some boxed text I'm gonna read it..."

"Seriously I will kill you and all your friends."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Relax! Ok, read the boxed text."

"You feel it in the air...imagine an elfy face saying this... Fuck it's long: ok there's some rings."

"Got it."

"Human wizard?"

"Race-as-class wizard I think. Is that a thing, race-as-class wizard?"

"So the evil lord made a ring to control all the other rings.. Elves and people versus dark lord. Then all the elves and guys are like smacked up by Sauron the dark Lord who's taller than everybody with a mace and his face looks like a horse and then a guy kills Sauron then gets the ring and then the elf boss was like Destroy it you Man! but the guy was all No and it fell into some water. The ring. Then this like muck guy Gollum got it."

"Ok, so then are we..."

"Hold on. So for 500 year sit poisoned his mind and then your uncle got it with riddles."

"With riddles?"

"Not important. Ok, anyway so your uncle has this ring."

"Ok. So he's king now?"

"No he just...he like smokes and stuff in his circle house. I'm not really sure what he does. He may be unemployed--anyway you live...near him and you're reading a book and then Gandalf the Wizard shows up."

"That's me. I'm level 15. Or 10....Or is it 5?"

"Interpretations vary. Anyway you two hug because it's time for Frodo's uncle's birthday."

"Does anyone but me want thai food?"

"Ok. I hug him."

"I hear it's going to be a party of special magnificence!"

"Oh, you know Bilbo!"

"So you go and there's some grass and roll some reaction rolls...the kids like you..."

"I want Thai food. You guys?"

"You do that, I'mma roll up on the uncle."

"Yes...he like wants to give you tea. He has this circley house but he wants to leave "Ohhhh I am ollld Gandalf, I feel thin, stretched like....butter stretched over too much bread"."

"Ok, I'l like hang out and try to ply him for more information and blow smoke rings."

"Ok, roll charisma."

"Ok, I suck."

"Ok, roll d10."

"10!"

"Well the smoke rings are nice. 10 on a scale of 1 to 10."

"Oh hey guys!"

"Sam!"

"Sam, what's your guy's name gonna be?"

"Ummmm...'Sam'?"

"Seriously?"

"What?"

"Fine, Sam's guy is named Sam the Halfling."

"Oh hey guys!"

"Hey, we were just having an uncle party."

"What're your guyses names? And perception scores."

"My guy's name is Merryaddock Bandybuck."

"And I am Peregrine Took!"

"I want to note for the record I am rolling my eyes."

"Oh and it's plus one."

"Minus four for me."

"'Ok, listen up Brandybucks and Tooks and what all I'm a hundreddy eleventh and I'm a halfling and I'm old and ...' and he disappears."

"Whoa."

"Who was he?"

"Frodo's uncle. Now, Gandalf roll under Int at advantage."

"Did it."

"Ok, this is definitely heavy: Halflings don't just disappear. And he's got this ring."

"Alright I'm going up to his house."

"Food's here."

"You guys pay the dude we'll do this bit...So he's in the house being like 'Hee hee that was fun' and fondling this ring."

"Bilbo I'm concerned..."

"Alright..Wisdom check..."

"Yeah."

"Yeah he's hiding something,"

"Put the ring down, man."

"He does. (bluff check) Well he doesn't."

"Intimidate roll. 'BILLLLLL--BO BAGGINS! DO NOT TAKE ME FOR SOME CONJUROR OF BONERS!'"

"What?"

"Hee. I mean 'Cheap tricks'"

"What's 20% of 28.50?"

"Alright, he takes off and he's like ok and leaves the ring."

"I try to grab the ring."

"There's this bolt of energy and this echo, knowledge check...half success...it...might be a real important ring."

"I love pad see ew. I want a house made of pad see ew and beans. Ok, done, I roll in."

"You see Gandalf there smoking looking at the magic ring. All like perspective shot from below and then he looks at the fire and is like "Riddles in the darrrrrk...""

"Alright, I'm gonna do some research. 'There are some...things I must....see to.'"

"Whatevs I'm not done with this food anyway."

"Music music! Cutscene! You go here."

"Nice model."

"Thanks! Hirst art blocks and Legos painted grey."

"Dope."

"That's a lot of Deep Space Nine".

"Yeah and it's all on Netflix now so fuck me. Anyway so like you read some stuff and he's like 'It's the heirloom of the kingdom and it has a thing where you heat it up and then it's like A secret now only fire can tell'"

"Spooky."

"Thanks, I try. Ok so you come back, like...a week later."

"Frodo, what are you doing a week later?"

"Stone chillin'."

"I'm gonna hide 'til he comes back, then jump out. (Frodo went to the bathroom)"

"Is it safe? Is it secret?"

"Aaaah. Dude?"

"The ring."

"Right."

"I chuck it in the fire."

"WTF that's my only magic item."

"No, hold your hand out, it's cool."

"He says it's cool."

"Quite cool."

"Nothing. Oh wait no...."

"I give him the exposition."

"Can we kill shit yet? Hey do you think I can pull this off?"

"Do you speak Mordor? What's your Int?"

"Like 15 and no. In the other order."

"You must be able to otherwise you'd never be able to take a shower."

"Ha ha smartass. No I mean does it look good?"

"No."

"Ok, so Gandalf knows it's the One Ring of Sauron which is like an artifact. Like a Ring of Gaxx level artifact."

"Seriously and we're like level 1."

"Yeah."

"Ok well that's good. I mean, Sauron's dead, right, that was in the boxed text."

"Actually you also know Sauron is kinda still alive. His orcs have multiplied, his fortress is up and rolling."

"Where did you get these?"

"On-line. Just googled 'purple dice'."

"So he was dead before and now he's alive so he's like a ghost."

"...or a lich or a vampire or a wight or..."

"What's a white?"

"Ok."

"I put it..."

"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"O...k...Can we just, like, put it away?"

"No."

"Can I give it to Gandalf?"

"Nope, nobody over 6th level can handle it."

"I thought he was 5th?"

"Long story. Race-as-class wizard you get like one spell per book."

"Thing is through me it would wield a power too great and terrible to imagine."

"Mm."

"I tell him he has to go deliver this ring."

"Wait, what?"

"Ok, 'S. pad kee mau'--I think this one's mine? Good, ok....I'm going to...do more research with my wizard teacher. Meet me at the Inn of the...Prancing Pony. And I eat some shrimp."

"'Prancing Pony'?"

"Rolled it up last game."

"You have a wizard teacher?"

"Yeah how else would I learn?"

"Ok, fine, you are going to see your wizard teacher. Lemme figure him out..."

roll roll (eyebrow)

"His name is Saur...I mean Saruman."

"You suck at names."

"I'm done with my curry you want curry?"

"Roll Stealth."

"Mmmmm...noooo I do not Stealth."

"You see Sam fucking around in the hedges."

"I grab Sam and give him some static for creeping in hedges."

"'Oh no don't turn me into anything...unnatural!' What did I miss?"

"Dark lord, quest, I carry an artifact with terrible powers."

"Dope. 'Bout it."

"How much do you want to bet Alphonso will be like 'I'll take that ring'?"

"You travel and travel. Travelling occurs for a few hours...hold on, I lost my place."

"You think? Now Travis..."

"Oh my god, Travis will just be like 'If you would but lend me the ring...'"

"Ok "Oh Frodo! If I take one more step I will be further from home than ever..."

"Seriously, Sam? It's been like not even a day."

"Alright, alright...."

"Wait, ok, found it--let's do this: So, your wizard teacher is in his tower which I will represent with this bottle of Absolut."

"Ok, I'm like what do we do, guy? There's a ring and this halfling has it and..."

"'Clearly your love of the halfling's leaf has slowed your brain.'"

"Sorry."

"Do we have hot sauce?"

"So he's like 'There's a Great Eye, Lidless, Wreathed In Flame.'"

"Whoa."

"In the door in the fridge. Also: do not touch that thing it's still wet."

"And the Nine are going to kill whoever has the ring."

"How do you know?"

"What is it? It looks like the Motorhead dog."

"It's for later don't touch it."

"How does he know?"

"He has an evil crystal ball."

"'Hey your crystal ball is evil!'"

"'Whatevs'. He says."

"Fuck him, I run and get Frodo."

"The doors just shut as you try to leave."

"Fuuuuck."

"Roll initiative."

"Fuck. He's like level what?"

"Do it."

"Wait, when did Saruman the Wise abandon reason for madness?"

"Oh hold on...."

"That was in-character."

"Oh, uhh...he just telekinesises you."

(others in unison) "Wi. Zard. Fight! Wi. Zard. Fight!"

"You Have Elected The Way Of Pain."

"Fuuuuck."

"I guess I'll be finishing these noodles while I wait to get rescued by a moth..."

"MEANWHILE, you all are in a...(roll)....cornfield hex."

"Ok, I'm done!"

"Me too!"

"Does corn exist?"

"Mmmmanybody want some carrots?"

"So you've got some carrots."

"And some cabbages."

"Yeah and..."

"What is this, Wampus Country?"

"And some mushrooms."

"Yes and...roll roll...a farmer starts chasing you with a scythe because you won't shut up."

"Who the hell wrote these tables?"
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Except "on". You're missing that, at least.


Monday, July 6, 2015

Bring The Many Claws




Everyone knows awards are dumb and everyone knows they're useful.

In our world "award-winning stuffmaker" survives a little longer and gets a little more of what she or he wants done before going down than "random unrecognized schmuck" regardless of whether those awards work the way smart people think they should.

When working on RPL with me, Jez Gordon went monstrously above and beyond the call of duty. He had to do it slow and between real jobs and paying attention to his kids. He did it because he wanted to show people how well a little cottage-press D&D book could be graphic designed and because he figured if people could see it then one day we could make that level of awesome the new normal and then he and other people in the field could actually get paid what they deserved. For the first time ever we were going to design an RPG book so a real person can use it.

James, likewise, sent the whole first print run back because the paper felt too thin. The loss was not insignificant. But the idea was: if we do this right, it will show people what "done right" means.

Aside from whether you think Red & Pleasant Land deserves four Ennies (I hope you think it does, we worked very hard on it and are pretty sure we did some things nobody else ever has), it will probably help all of us us get out more cool RPG books in the future that have that level of take-time-off-your-day-job-to-work-on-it if RPL gets fabulous prizes.
If you liked RPL but you're on the fence about whether it's worth your 60 seconds to click the link and tell everyone you know who enjoyed it to do the same, I'd simply say:

In DIY D&D we are (when life permits) trying to change things a little--change the way game stuff looks and feels and runs and the number of ideas-per-square-inch people expect. The competition this year is fierce and everything we're up against is much much much more familiar to the people who go to Enworld and know what an Ennie is. The award is impressive and useful precisely to the degree of how unlikely it is that this little press goes up against the majors and wins. Clicking the little buttons helps.

Best Adventure
Best Setting
Best Writing
Product of the Year

Also, I suggest throwing in for Contessa for Best Blog--those girls get shit done. 
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Monday, June 29, 2015

I Got Nominated For A Bunch of Awards So Cam Banks Compared Me To Hitler

Sorry I've been posting light--Mandy's been in the hospital again a lot (they've decided to feed her through her heart, which is strange and dangerous but so far ok).

Anyway, it's nice to wake up to see Red & Pleasant Land and the 5th ed Player's Handbook both got nominated for 4 Ennies each! RPL got noms for Best Adventure, Best Setting, Best Writing and Product of the Year.

Contessa also got nominated for Best Blog, so congratulations to Stacy and the crew.

The Ennies require self-nomination, have a small group of judges, and can overlook small publishers, so this is as much a measure of LotFP and the DIY D&D scene's growth since the year Vornheim lost Best Supplement to a bunch of dungeon tiles as it is of anything else but, still, it's a nice thing. I hope to see more stuff like Deep Carbon Observatory, Yoon-Suin and Slumbering Ursine Dunes up there in the future.

Of course these nominations are not a nice thing for everybody. Like, for example, failed game author and RPG drama club weirdo Cam Banks. Remember, this is twitter, so to get the tweets in chronological order, read up from the bottom:

So, kids, while I'll appreciate it if you vote for Red & Pleasant Land, just be aware that doing it makes you like a Nazi.

Red & Pleasant Land:
Identity. Heritage. Xenophobia.

Friday, April 17, 2015

Vornheim Costs 170 Bucks Now

So, yeah, the first and only printing of Vornheim (a three year old book) went for 170$.

That's more than ten times the cover price for a 64-page black-and-white book. So if you're still on the fence about buying a second (or, god forbid, first) copy of 200ish page, full color, gold trimmed, embossed Red & Pleasant Land, there's one more reason.
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Thursday, March 19, 2015

Controversial Figure In American Playful Landscape

So the eminent gameologist Jerome Larre asked me to participate in his game design series "5 Things I Learned Working On..." for the French gaming site Tartofrez--previous participants include Emily Care-Boss, of Breaking the Ice and some French RPG authors behind games like Inflorenza and Brigade Chimérique.

Since much of this is stuff I think I have already said on this blog, I thought I'd spice it up by posting not my original text (which you can read here if you're into the whole clarity thing ), but Google translate's fantastically creative retranslation of Jerome Larre's French translation of my English:



5 Tips: Red & Pleasant Land

RPLAs the excellent Vornheim before him, Red & Pleasant Land is a supplement for the least original for the game Lamentations of the Flame Princess . Built on the same approach, namely the proliferation of tools and tables to generate massive amounts of content rather than the description of a unique vision in stone, this supplement is tackling a whole country: Country wonders. If you play DnD or one of its clones, I know too advise you to take a look. Even if you do not use that as an inspiration is once again with Vornheim a playbook model filled to the brim with equipment directly playable.
About the author, S. Zak is an understatement to say that this is a controversial figure in American playful landscape. Having been initially known for his show I hit it with my shaft and his websiteDnD with pornstars , for several years he is regularly at the center of several controversies. The most ridiculous of all is to blame Wizards of the coast to have done part in the latest edition of DnDWe will do simple: it is not the subject today or will be tomorrow.By cons, if I asked to kindly participate in it "5 Things" is because I find that it produces very marked supplements with real style, particularly effective and playable. In general, it also has some interesting thoughts that are permitted by a freedom of tone and thought it particularly welcome at a time when it is difficult to publicly agree or disagree with someone without forces us to have to take the card of a particular chapel.
Besides, I want to copy here the warning that I put in the English version of the interview on the last of his 5 tips: 
+ this post expresses the views of Zak S. Not mine; 
it + said, I am delighted that he expresses them here and thank him; 
+ if anyone wants to express a different opinion on how a particular community helped on a specific project, you only need to write a " 5 tips "on it and I'll probably just as happy to publish it. The multiplicity of perspectives is part of the very concept of this series of posts, 
+ While the objective of tartofrez is not and will never be the cares of internal policy designers RPG US, I feel that this last point is particularly interesting that we, French often have a tendency to see the US scene as a monolithic and homogeneous whole.
In short, Zak just share 5 tips that he learned in Bossant on   Red & Pleasant Land  !
To discover Red & Pleasant Land  : http://goo.gl/eZXg6G 
To discover the site of Zak:  DnD with pornstars

0. Introduction

Red & Pleasant Land has sold very well. Within two weeks, he told me enough to pay a little more than a year's rent in downtown Los Angeles. In addition, every week, I receive messages from people who explain to me that they were able to use it to do things that I had not anticipated. More importantly, I continue to use it during my weekly sessions. This is the "thing gamer" produced independently which quickly sold this season.
This success allowed me to make sure that the 5 tips below were based.

1. Do not do things fairly well. Make them good!

In large companies RPGs, someone order something, another writing, then they return both at home and a third person did the illustrations. And it's even someone else - who has also often never played an RPG in his life - which is responsible for the layout. Conversely, small boxes, a person who wants to design a game does and then handles all other tasks, but in a somewhat mediocre because its main objective is primarily to demonstrate that it can design one game. Or go out on time.
In practice, this means that each product is usually about someone, somewhere in the chain wanted to do. More or less. And people read it and say it's almost good. But even those who wrote it does not use it.
I must say that things that are pretty much what you want, they already exist. If you want to play almost in the style of a book by Thomas Ligotti (an American horror writer), you can use Call of Cthulhu . If you want to about the District 9 , you Cyberpunk . In short, your new only useful if it is very widely and relentlessly new and specific. It should be exactly what you had in mind, right down to the last detail illustrations, rules or presentation. She has no interest if she just look like it would any RPG book dealing with the same theme. Your readers do not want to buy yet another game, just to learn the rules. They want to continue to play the games they already love, that is why they are part of the community.
So, do something that is so irresistible - at all levels - that reason comes more into play!

2. Write on a topic for which you are willing to read up

I have not had to read Lewis Carroll to write Red & Pleasant Land . I had the pleasure to read Lewis Carroll to write Red & Pleasant Land . Resume each passage by asking me, "How do I make a new monster? "Was great fun. Almost a game in itself. If you do not have fun you documenting a priori it means that you should be writing something else.
Once I had the idea (probably a bit silly) to make a game in the style of D & D that could have been summed up against Dracula Elizabeth Bathory in Wonderland. The ideas have multiplied during preparation. Of course, Elizabeth Bathory resumed the role of the Queen of Heart. Obviously, valet CÅ“urqui stole her pies was a high-level thief. The puddings were true puddings (types of monsters) in the largest donjonesque tradition, etc.
If you read a dense material interesting, well written and exciting, if it has a voice of its own, the ideas will multiply in your head. If your documentation is to browse some texts that do not excite you, they do not inspire you more. There are a few years, I have learned as a painter that if you did not like the phones it was better not to have them appear on the image. It's exactly the same with writing. Do not write on a subject you do not want to read (or at least you do not want to find out one way or another ... if your game speaks parachute, bail !).
The documentation should not be an obligation. If there are parts of your project that you did not like to discover, this will feel and the best is to remove them directly. Anyone can do his homework. We, we want only the parts that you loved.

3. The graphic design is terrible. And, yes, it counts.

You know the difference between a book and a blog post? You can have the same mechanical and even the same images, but a blog that will make thousands of people fly over your ideas a book where they will read them, criticize them, talk with, will play and you send emails to their subject.
Why? This is not really due to printing or paper, as many people now buy PDF. So where does that come from? Graphic design and information management. This makes the object easier to use when you're actually playing. This is very important, a game book must be both a book and a component of that same game.
The problem is that the layout takes time. An eternity. Red & Pleasant Land was completely illustrated and written two years before the model is complete. And it is far from the only book in this case. I saw the full text of Broodmother Sky Fortress there are years when the game is still not out. Why?Because graphic design is hell incarnate and it takes forever.
The reasons are partly economic. Most designers are working on several projects at once and roleplayers commands simply pay enough to climb to the top of the stack.
What you can do? Unless you instruct personally problems are ahead and be as explicit as possible. Do not rely on the designer to remember that this tea cup should be positioned next to the sheep. Draw the cup and sheep on the same piece of paper. Otherwise, you'll need three more weeks for the change to take effect and that the designer put the cup next to the sheep. But it's not his fault. This week he has eight other assholes to manage, with eight other cups and eight sheep.

4. Most of the tips are zero, but are not tips

Here's a tip given to me by one of the authors freelancers less respected in the world of the game: " As much as possible, do not answer directly to criticism. At best, it's a zero-sum game that will change anyone's opinion. At worst, it still makes you look like a moron over the person who criticizes you. "
Other opinions: 
+ " Girls do not play D & D! Do not waste time writing for them ! 
+ " Do not write an additional D & D Alice in Wonderland! This has already been done! " 
+ " Be nice to the guys that crap about women in your group. They are also customers! " 
+ " Do not write games for the old. The rules do not work. Women and young people do not play . 
+ " Find a graphic design works and copy it! " 
+ " You need _____ on your blanket. "
All those who gave me this advice supposed to help me sell my book wrong. It is now a fact. No matter who it was. I did the opposite of what they told me and my book has sold more than theirs. And I'm not even a designer game. The reason is that they gave me was not really advice, but just their opinion.Some particularly social misfits like idiots formulate their opinions as advice or general truths to give them more strength, so that you do not be afraid to do what they want you to do. It is quite possible to give advice based on facts and experience - I hope this is what I'm doing - but they did nothing of the sort.
So when someone tells you that what you do will not work, ask a proof. If you can not provide it, follow the advice of William Burroughs: Do not say anything nice to inadequate social gamer; it's a bottomless pit. Tell him firmly, "I am not paid to listen to this nonsense - you are an idiot of the worst kind. »

5. The independent community is appalling, but that does not matter.

Since almost the beginning of the Internet, people are talked about RPGs table. Many members of the indie community is always been there but have not managed to do anything. They created a strange dynamic: the more they fail, the longer they hang around on forums (etc.), the more one identifies as a voice-to-day, plus they make friends in agreement and are streamed online. In other words, they spent more time to fear the rod, they get more respect. It is the biggest fish of a tiny dry pond.
But the good news is that these people just do not matter. At all. Just before my book came out, I inveighed one of the main and oldest Voice-who-have editing RPG Indie: Fred Hicks ( FATE , Evil Hat, etc.). The latter had thrown a conservative attack in good standing against gambling Kingdom DeathFrench readers are perhaps unaware, but Americans are sometimes frantically conservative on everything related to sexuality, even those who claim the left. This is particularly exacerbated in the community gamer because many RPG American indie designers have never slept with anyone, or, I suppose, only with farm animals. To give you an idea, look at what did Tipper Gore in music or Frederic Wertham in comics.
Still, Hicks and his friends then orchestrated a campaign of harassment misogynist with some forum trolls who accused us of bizarre crimes against people taking women in my group. All those who have had a day against something that porn actresses playing D & D got involved. These sexist attacks began this summer and continue today. In short, not only independent community did not support me or do not talk about my project, but has actively worked against me. Even the designers of indie games that had purchased and enjoyed the game was afraid to talk about it and it attracts them problems with their friends.
Looking at the sales figures, it looks like they have helped me more than anything else. They bark but do not bite. They are harmless. So yes, do what you want and do not let shit in the boots.
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Friday, January 16, 2015

Want More Women In Gaming? Make Better Shit.

"No school due to ice today. My six year old daughter spotted Red and Pleasant Land on the table and was drawn in by the blonde girl in a pretty dress and also the possibility that that might be blood dripping down in the background. 

I don't usually share my gaming books with her because of all the murder and horror. But I spent a short while this morning telling her all about R&PL. She loves vampires and Alice in Wonderland, she was very happy to see all the girls in interesting dresses through out,


...although equally interested in the green pigs....

....I realized just how perfect this book is for her. the contents are what she is all about. It all makes sense to her, crazy gravity, inside out rooms, lakes of blood on the ceiling. Best of all it inspires her. Which is what a good DIY D&D book should do. So we spent awhile this morning drawing vampires. 

Her vampires are a mother and two daughters, although the one with the ears is secretly a gremlin. They had to move out of the small castle (which is far away) and move into the large castle (which is close up) because "That place got all jacked up by gremlins". The squiggly lines are roads and or roller coasters that move people around and it doesn't matter if the vampires fall off the roller coasters because they can fly.

I'm going to tell her about the Vampire Brides who can change into kittens when she gets home."
See, ladies love quality.